Posted by: Carline Anglade-Cole
August 26, 2008
Issue #488

The Power of the Letter –
In Copywriting and Life in General

Man, I really goofed!

I mean, I recently made a DUMB mistake – and it cost me over a thousand bucks!

But thanks to knowing an amazing secret, I was able to recoup my loss and even save face.

What’s the secret?

Knowing the POWER of the written letter!

Here’s what happened …

I made plans to fly to Washington, D.C to pick up Alexis, Paris and Elliott – my nieces and nephew so they can spend some of their summer vacation with my family.

I would fly up early Tuesday morning, meet their folks at the airport, scoop up the kiddies and fly back to Atlanta the same afternoon. Simple, right?

Well … not really. Turns out I made a big mistake – and I didn’t find out about it until the very last minute.

But wait.

The theme of this article is the power of a letter. So, let me allow the letter tell you what happened …

August 13, 2008

Bob Fornaro
President
AirTran Airways
9955 AirTran Blvd
Orlando, FL 32827

Dear Mr. Fornaro,

I am a frequent flyer of AirTran, and I would like to share with you a very upsetting experience I had with your airline on Tuesday, August 5, 2008.

I made arrangements to fly from Atlanta, GA to Washington, DC to pick up my two nieces and nephew (ages 3, 7 & 8) and return the same day back home with the kids. Confirmation #s were DCBGNK and V9RB6T.

The departing flight was perfect. We left on time and even arrived early. I picked up the kids from the airport, showed my boarding passes to security and looked for my gate number for the return flight. It was then that I realized a serious mistake.

My flight # and time of departure did not match the time at the kiosk. I erroneously booked my return flight with the children from Atlanta to Reagan National instead of Reagan National to Atlanta. There was no one manning the AirTran booth, so I had to wait 20 minutes until I could find an employee for assistance.

Finally, I spoke to a ticketing agent named Sherrell (I don’t know if I spelled her name correctly and I don’t know her last name.) I told Sherrell I would be writing AirTran about this experience and asked her to write her information down for me since my hands were busy holding a 3-year old, but she failed to do so.

When I asked Sherrell if I could speak to a manager to help me with my predicament, she instructed me to call your 800# for customer service. I was on hold for 15 minutes and was never able to get through to your 800#. It was nearly boarding time and I explained to Sherrell that I had to get the kids to Atlanta today and if there was some way she could help me. The only thing she told me is that I had to purchase new tickets and they were going to be “very expensive.”

I asked if I could get a reduced fare since I already purchased four tickets that I will not be able to use. She said “no.” At this point, I had no other choice but to put the outrageous charge of $1,178 on my credit card so I can board the plane and get the kids to their destination.

Mr. Fornaro, I am not blaming AirTran for my booking mistake. I’ve booked tickets hundreds of times and I’ve never made such a mistake. I take responsibility for my error.

However, I was able to pass through security with a boarding pass from the wrong city! In this day and age when security is priority, that was very disturbing. I am enclosing copies of the four boarding passes.

Plus, I couldn’t contact your customer service department for needed help in a timely manner. And the agent on-site was clearly apathetic to my situation. As a frequent flyer of AirTran and a customer, that bothers me very much.

I am asking that you help reduce my astronomical bill for a one hour and fifteen minute flight. At the minimum, I would hope you can credit the $358 payment for the four tickets I originally made to offset this unexpected cost. However, I would greatly appreciate it if you would reverse the $1,178 charge completely. It was made on my American Express #xxxx xxxxxx xxxxx. Any help you can provide me with this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Again, I have respect for your airline and I show it by using you primarily for my travel needs. I hope your company will show the spirit of true customer service in this case.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,

Carline Anglade-Cole

Can you believe how stupid I was to book
 the return flight from the wrong airport
in the wrong city?

Hey, I’ve told you before: “I ain’t no genius.” But was I going to let my stupidity cost me over a thousand bucks? Heck no!

Not only did I send the President of AirTran the letter – I also copied and e-mailed it to the AirTran Customer Service department.

I felt if the Customer Service folks knew this letter was going to the President of the company – it would increase my chances of getting a response. Did it work?

Did it ever!

In less than six days, I got a personal phone call from AirTran!

So what can you learn from my dumb mistake
that will make you a smarter copywriter?

Plenty! I followed some of the basic rules of copywriting in this letter:

#1: Identify your target market. I addressed the letter to the President of the company. Using a real name — and even a title gets attention.

So when you write a sales letter, who are YOU talking to? If you can’t personalize the letter, go beyond “Dear Friend.” Try “Dear Health-Conscious Friend” or “Dear Frustrated Friend.” Let your market know you know who he is in your salutation!

#2: Grab your prospect’s attention immediately. I usually do this with a kick-butt headline. But this was a business letter – and I didn’t want to go overboard. This meant my intro paragraph needed to get my prospect’s attention immediately.

So I started off by letting him know:

(a) Exactly who I was – a frequent flyer of AirTran –i.e. a regular stream of REVENUE for his business.

(b) He needed to be aware of a serious problem.

(c) Details. Giving the date the problem occurred.

This intro set the stage so I could quickly explain my predicament.

Next time you write a sales letter, ask yourself: Am I getting to the point – or am I losing my prospect with wishy-washy words?

A focused intro sets up great momentum for your copy. So make sure to re-read your intro and get rid of needless or confusing words!

#3: Compliment and get on common grounds. Notice I didn’t attack his company. The last thing I want is for Mr. Fornaro to get defensive. After all, the mistake was 100% my fault!

Note how I even commended the company on my “perfect” departing flight and “arriving early."

This lets him know I’m not a pain in the tookas who nags and complains about everything. The goal was to show him I’m a faithful customer who respects the company – and it was my DUTY to bring this problem to his attention!

For your sales letter – are you finding ways to compliment your prospect?

Saying things like, “If you know the value of a buck” … “If you’re like me, you want to squeeze a penny til it hurts” … or even “You probably know…” are easy ways to get your prospect’s head bobbing up and down and agreeing with you. Make sure to try adding them in your sales letter! 

#4: Get your facts right to make a reasonable argument. In copywriting, you have to support your statements with facts. SPECIFICITY works.

It was not just an AirTran rep, it was “Sherrell, who didn’t give me her last name.” Notice I gave them my confirmation numbers … said I waited for 20 minutes until I found a rep … spent 15 minutes on hold with the customer service department, etc …

And remember, make sure your facts are correct. Most likely they would check my confirmation number. If it was wrong, it may delay handling the problem, irritate the rep and give him a valid reason to turn down my request.

If your facts are wrong in your sales letter – it would jeopardize your credibility … annoy your prospect … and even cause you to lose the sale! Get the point?

#5: Don’t exaggerate – but do paint a positive picture. The truth is, this was not the WORST thing that ever happened to me. So, I had to control my creative desire to become a “drama mama.”

But notice I told Mr. Fornaro how old the kids were. Anyone traveling with a 3-year old and his two sisters would definitely understand my situation. And can’t you just SEE how frazzled I must’ve been since I’m dealing with this problem as “my hands were busy holding a 3-year old”?

And, come on, who CAN’T relate to dealing with an apathetic teller, rep or sales person?

Plus, I let Mr. Fornaro know I made all efforts possible to seek assistance – spending a total of 20 minutes looking for a rep and another 15 minutes being put on hold with three kids in tow!

In your sales letter, are you painting a picture for your prospect? One great way to do this is with storytelling. Our minds are hardwired for stories. We love ‘em! So find opportunities to create word pictures in the mind of your prospect! 

#6: Tell the prospect what you want him to do. Make life simple for your prospect – don’t let him figure what you want – tell him! If needed, give him step-by-step instructions!

In this case I gave Mr. Fornaro two choices:

• Best offer: give me a full refund.
• Good Offer: Give me a partial refund.

Sometimes it’s better to give your prospect just one choice. But in this case (since I was TOTALLY WRONG), I felt I had a better chance of success by offering reasonable options.

The customer service rep who called me said that normally the company policy is to only issue a credit for a future flight. But because of my letter, she is making an “exception” and refunding my money. I just love it when I’m “excepted!”

In your sales letter, make sure to give your prospect clear cut instructions: “Pick up the phone and call now” … “Mail in your order card on page xx!” 

So how did my letter pull?
In other words, how successful was it?

Here’s the swift e-mail reply I received from Air Tran:

August 19, 2008
Dear Ms. Anglade-Cole,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me regarding your concerns, as we discussed, I have issued two credits back to your American Express Card on file.  The first credit was in the amount of $358.00 for itinerary number V9RB6T.  The second credit was in the amount of $520.00 for itinerary number HY94ND.

Please let me know if I can be of any help in the future.
Sincerely,

Susan M. Callaway
Customer Relations Department
AirTran Airways

Woo hoo! I recovered $878 from my $1,178 mistake
– not bad, not bad at all!

Ok, so I didn’t get the “Best offer” of a full refund. But the “Good offer” was good enough for me!

AirTran charged me my original flight ticket plus a $75 per ticket change fee. So I ended up spending an additional $300 for the change fees. They refunded me $878!

By the way, I did ask the rep to waive the $300 change fee – but she wasn’t budging! Oh, well, I had to at least TRY!

Bottom line: If I hadn’t taken 20 minutes to write the letter – I would’ve gotten ZIPPO back for an error that was clearly my fault!

Plus, I still haven’t heard from Mr. Fornaro himself.

Who knows — he may come through – and give me a FULL refund for bringing the security issue to his attention. After all, I used four wrong boarding passes to get through security at an airport in our Nation’s Capital! Isn’t that SCARY?

The least he could do is refund my money – or maybe give me a few FREE flights – for showing him faults in the airline security system!

So do you see the power of a well-crafted letter? It can work wonders to sell a product – and even get you out of tight jams in life too!

Here’s to Creating Success Your Way!

Carline Anglade-Cole
Guest Contributor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE

P.S. Hey, if you haven’t signed up for my upcoming Copywriting Boot Camp on Steroids – it’s not too late! But you’ve got to hurry – only 2 seats left! Don’t miss out on this once-in-a lifetime opportunity to receive 1-on-1 mentoring from me – and to hang out and schmooze with Clayton Makepeace! Click below for more details:

http://www.carlinecole.com/copystar/CopyStarCopywritingBootCamp.htm

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17 Comments »

1. Comment by DK Fynn — August 26, 2008 @ 1:20 pm

   You go girl!

   I’m learning to become more assertive in my life and voice (or, in this case, write) out what I believe in. 

   Even if you’re wrong, and admit to it, plus illustrate how the other side was wrong, too, you can get what you want.

2. Comment by chris pirkey — August 26, 2008 @ 2:29 pm

   I can truly say that the power of the written word is aply demonstrated in this article!  Thank you!   

3. Comment by Lara — August 26, 2008 @ 2:34 pm

   Carline you rock! Great letter, great advice - thank you. I always look forward to your columns and there are nuggets of gold in each.

   I’ve found that accepting responsibility for my mistake and then asking for help usually leads to a happy outcome for everyone!

   Thanks again Carline.

4. Comment by T. Iversen — August 26, 2008 @ 3:01 pm

   Not much to comment on regarding your letter. You did everything right. Admitting your mistake is a novelty almost unheard of.

   I have worked in the airline industry for several years and would like to add a few points.

   AirTran is a relatively small discount carrier. The employee wages are low. There are always many exceptions to this rule, fortunately, but in general you get what you pay for.

   Working for a small carrier means the airport staff members have many tasks and may not be available to serve customers between flights (as you experienced). A doorbell or similar devise might alleviate this situation, but there may be some policies in place preventing this simple solution.

   Security at all major airports in the U.S. is the responsibility of TSA, Transportation Security Administration, a Government agency. The individual airline has no more control over the TSA than you and me. You may remember it was a direct result of the 9-11 attack.

   Although flawed and looked upon as window dressing by many in the industry, unfortunately, no one has come up with a better system. The check points are manned by Government employees doing routine jobs. The possibility of making errors is high. I’m sure  you easily can research news sources to find horror stories and statistics.

   Don’t expect an airline to take responsibility for the mistakes made by the TSA. If you have safety concerns direct them directly to the responsible party. http://www.tsa.gov.

5. Comment by Marcelino Latorre — August 26, 2008 @ 4:03 pm

   Hii Carline and great job for standing on them people’s necks. You know not living in the states now has really made me aware of professionalism in the workplace. In a professional establishment customer service should mean difference between success and failure. Unfortunately here in Puerto Rico it sucks!I was taught at an early age that the customer is always right. It’s always equally important to listen to the prospect.-Marcelino Latorre

6. Comment by Marcelino Latorre — August 26, 2008 @ 4:05 pm

   Why does post always come out looking like clutter crap?

7. Comment by Carline — August 26, 2008 @ 4:59 pm

   I don’t believe discount airline should equal discount courtesy. And I do believe whenever you experience poor customer service, you should make it known to management. AirTran rose to the occasion when they responded to my letter. And because of that, I will continue to use them when I travel. And now 40,000+ Total Package readers know about my positive outcome from a bad experience. That kind of word of mouth advertising is priceless! 
   Carline

8. Comment by Larry Mekus — August 26, 2008 @ 5:16 pm

   Carline - OUTSTANDING!!
   I absolutely enjoyed this write-up, because it shows that you are a normal person just like me. YES - that is exactly the kind of mistake that I (and many others) would easily make. I always look up to you as this super hero role model - a right that you have well earned - yet it feels good to know that you also live the same life as most of us. I truly admire you for who you are, even more so now. 

   The story was great, and added lots of humor to my day. I couldn’t help but smile, and completely relate to your experience. Your letter was outstanding, and I have added it to the very top of my file to use as something valuable to learn from.

9. Comment by John Deck — August 26, 2008 @ 5:43 pm

   One of the skills you develop from learning copywriting is writing persuasive copy for all occasions. I started learning copywriting to better my emails and sales correspondence for the hitech sales I have been doing for almost 15 years. And yes it has helped and resulted in more sales (and income) in a very competitive environment. BTW, don’t tell my competitors. It has been one my secretes.

   Thanks Carline for great example (and template).

   John
   http://www.DirectMarketResults.com

10. Comment by Apryl Parcher — August 26, 2008 @ 6:34 pm

    Hey Carline:
    Very cool example of the power of persuasion in every day experience, and having worked in both private sector AND as a government employee, I can totally relate to your experience. It’s VERY frustrating dealing with jaded, couldn’t-give-a-crap people who’ve never been taught the meaning of customer service and courtesy.
    Also, it didn’t hurt to bring up the security episode with the airlines, versus TSA. It might not be the airlines’ responsibility, but I’m sorry…writing letters and sending them into the black hole of any government agency is more often than not, a huge waste of time and energy (unless you copy your state senator as well–which sometimes lights a fire–but even then it’s iffy you’ll get the response your query deserves).

    At least corporate has a clue who’s money writes their paychecks, anyway, and heck–the proof’s in the pudding, right? I wouldn’t look sideways at $800 either! Your positive word of mouth about how the company treated you is worth sooooooo much more to them than what they gave you.

    Thanks for the sample!

    All the best from your old stompin’ grounds in MD,

    Apryl
    http://www.aparcher.com

11. Comment by Elizabeth Chavous — August 27, 2008 @ 9:49 pm

    Carline,
    You Go Girl….As I read your letter I could feel the frustration of the realization of a major goof-up and what followed in an attempt to correction the situation.  The way you laid all this out in your letter, from the fact that you are a loyal customer, the total lack of concern from the employee to the security issue.  Then having to pay for new tickets to make the trip home.
    Gentle persuasion was shown through out the letter, but the killer I thought came at the end when you mentioned (even after everything you had been though on that day) I respect your airline and show it by using them for your primary travel needs. Than gently asking them to show you what true customer service is….that’s persuasion baby!!!
    Liz

12. Comment by Jeremy Reeves — August 27, 2008 @ 11:05 pm

    That’s a great story - and yes the airline definitely came out ahead on this one!

    I guarantee you at LEAST 5-10 people (probably a heap-load more) will use that airline next time they go on a flight, just from reading this post.

    To them, that’s going to be worth way more than $800…

    The letter was awesome by the way!

    Jeremy Reeves
    http://www.GetClientsIn20.com

13. Comment by Henry — August 29, 2008 @ 4:14 pm

    words have power.   use them well.

14. Comment by Joshua Seymour — August 29, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

    Great story. That’s an awesome example of using hard earned copywriting skills to gain advantages profit from any general life situation (negative or positive).

    I especially like point#6. Sold advice.

    By the way, Carline, I see there’s a CopyStar ezine over at your site, but where’s the blog?

15. Comment by Anna — August 30, 2008 @ 8:07 am

    Great letter!  I appreciate your example and I’m sure it will help me in future concerns I have with companies I do business with.

    Regarding the security issue.  That is entirely a government responsibility, the airlines have no control on TSA "service". 
    I was furious when TSA took a souvenir snowflake globe from my 85 year old mother because it contained liquid.  Hmmph… I don’t think a complaint letter will be effective in this case, would it?

16. Comment by lawton chiles — September 1, 2008 @ 12:32 pm

    What a great story- compelling, intrigiung, and it made me want to read more- because I just spent a ton of time on airlines myself, going back and forth from Dallas to Tallahassee for a singles conference. This kind of action, and I love just calling people up or writing them, the kind of folks you shouldn’t contact, or should not be able to contact, and getting a fast response from them. I think a great lesson her is to 1, take action like Carline did. She felt wronged and found the right person, The President of AirTran, that could do something about it. 2. She had the guts to contact Airtran’s President-most would think that a waste of time… I’ve found that just asking a simple question will get me a favorable result. The only thing people higher up can say is "no". But, usually they say yes!  Thanks for the encouragement! 

17. Comment by Clarke Echols (resident scientist and all-around rabble-rouser) — September 1, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

    Your story reminds me of times I’ve used the same method. Not always fun, but there can be consequences.

    In the 1980s, we remodelled our home. We over-ran our costs and put the balance on several credit cards, intending to pay them off with the new permanent mortgage.
    Unfortunately, an error by the lender left us short and when one card was left to pay off, I was out of money.

    I wrote a letter to Chase Manhattan Bank, explaining the problem, and asking for their assistance in restructuring the payments due to our cash-flow situation. They refused,
    hiding behind the fact the card was in my wife’s name. I wrote another letter telling them there would be no payments until the matter was restructured.

    We went around a few more cycles, then they sent the account to a collection agency the bank owned. Several more cycles of letters and it went to a second collection agency they owned. When that failed, it was sent to a collection agency in Texas not owned by the bank.

    That agency called, made a settlement offer, but I declined because we had no funds to cover it. Then one day my wife
    called me at work in tears because the agency had called and told her, “I feel sorry for your husband, having a wife like you.” (I spent the money, she didn’t.)

    The clown didn’t know he’d just declared World War XVI with me! I sent a certified letter to the agency stating there would be no money to anyone until my wife got a letter of apology. They sent the account back to Chase as “uncollectible”.

    Chase hired a law firm in Buffalo, NY to litigate. They called me offering to settle. I wrote them a 4-page letter explaining the entire mess. So what happened?

    Chase’s lawyers got on my side. Forced Chase to settle for half the balance on the account as of the date of my first letter.

    As for the Texas collection agency? They lost their Chase Manhattan corporate account for HALF OF THE UNITED STATES!

    How’d you like to lose that much business? I’m sure the agent who called my wife was on the street too.

    On another occasion we had a night at a big-name hotel in Steamboat Springs, CO. It was a “date” weekend at my employer’s expense. We arrived at noon and couldn’t get in our room until after 3PM so we sat in a dark, crowded hallway for several hours. The bathtub was smaller than some RVs!

    Months later, I found the room papers in my desk at work. Using my skills as a senior writer, I wrote the manager a letter explaining that I grew up on a farm and never felt more like a sheep being shoved through a corral in my life, telling him how I felt when we’d been in our room less than four hours when a note was slipped under the door telling us we were to be checked out by 9AM!

    We got a call. The hotel put us up at another in Denver. When we arrived, the desk clerk said, “I think you’re going to like this room.” It was spacious with a king-size bed.
    But life is about irony.

    The drain plug in the bathtub wasn’t working…

    But we enjoyed the room anyway.

    It pays to squeak when problems arise. Just do it in a professional way, and you’ll get results.

    And one more thing…

    If you use these two rules, you can win every fight:

    1. Don’t start a war you can’t win.

    2. Don’t quit until it’s over.

    My boss of 10 years told me, just before he took another position, that he’d watched me through some high-level fights as well as not so high-level ones. He said I didn’t always get everything I wanted, but he never saw me lose one. (I had told him years earlier that you can win them all by following those 2 rules.)

    Clarke