A Friday in Copywriter Hell
Dear Business-Builder,
They say that the most powerful human desire is NOT for wealth or health or food or even sex. It’s the insatiable desire to change another person’s copy.
“They” may have something there. I don’t know about you; but for me, tearing the living you-know-what out of another writer’s work is just about the most fun I can have with my clothes on.
On the other hand, feeling naked and alone while a hungry pack of copywriters eviscerates your beloved prose may well be the closest thing to hell this side of New Jersey. Or even tax court.
So, last Friday, a client sent three of his in-house copywriters up here to spend a day with my four scribes and yours truly.
Eight copywriters; one room. We had big fun.
Not only that, we learned a lot, too.
It wasn’t like it was a big surprise. I knew they were coming and had asked each of them to write an eight-page sales letter promoting a financial newsletter offered by my client and their boss. And I asked my writers to do the same.
I should also mention that I gave each writer the theme for the headline and opening copy; but the rest was up to them. Oh — and I only gave them one week to do the work … not nearly enough, considering each of them has a full schedule with their regular assignments.
And one more thing: Each writer is at a very different stage of development — from raw noob to seasoned pro.
And lucky for me, each has an open mind and is eager to improve. That’s crucial because for a copywriter, arrogance — the vainglorious assumption that you know all there is about creating winning promotions — is the kiss of death.
Wait — that reminds me of an old joke. Actually, it’s supposed to be a true story of a radio exchange that took place in October 1995 off the coast of Newfoundland between the American aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln and Canadian authorities:
Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.”
Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.”
Americans: “This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course!”
Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.”
Americans: “This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second-largest aircraft carrier in the Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels.
“I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.”
Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call."
See what arrogance gets you? You wind up on the rocks; that’s where scotch belongs. For a copywriter, not so much.
At any rate, beginning at 8:00 AM on Friday, we gathered in my office … threw each of their efforts up on the wall … and tore the living you-know-what out of them.
As you might expect, some of the letters were better than others. OK; some of the headlines, decks and opening copy stunk up the joint. And of course, some didn’t stink so much — and some were actually very, very good.
The fun, though, was in getting these copywriters outside of their comfort zones … putting them under pressure … seeing the different approaches each took to the same subject … and comparing the relative power of each of their copy strategies.
Some writers went right for the jugular (of course) with a big, bold, benefit-oriented headline. A couple added credibility elements that actually made those benefits believable. And one went a step farther; introducing a heaping helping of intrigue and irony that made it impossible to look away.
Some felt they had to “chat up” their prospect in the opening copy. Their eyes kind of rolled up in their heads while they blathered on about stuff the prospect already knew before getting into the meat of the subject at hand. Others respected their prospects’ intelligence and time by cutting to the chase.
And of course, nearly all buried their leads to some degree — some farther back in the text than others.
But the big lesson that came through over and over again had nothing to do with any of that. The big lesson was about energy and momentum in the text.
Now, I don’t often do this — and because this is just a first effort and there’s still work to be done to get this press-worthy, I’m not going to give you the writer’s name (yet) — but take a look at the following …
* * * * *
An urgent alert from MARTIN D. WIESS PH.D. — the analyst who warned about this great credit crisis 7 months in advance …
Feel helpless as the diving dollar guts your nest egg?
This letter will …
Insulate your buying power …
your savings … your investments …
and go for gains of up to 438% –
whether the U.S. dollar sinks or soars
- Say good-bye to fickle stocks – and discover the one and only investment market where you can ALWAYS find a bull market …
- For your conservative money: Earn more than TEN TIMES the return you’re getting on your CDs and Money Market funds …
- For your growth money: Turn a measly $2,000 investment into a whopping $22,160 in as few as 35 days – with strictly limited risk …
- And much, much more!
Dear Fellow Investor:
If there ever was a time to protect your wealth, this is it.
Real estate values are plunging nationwide for the first time in U.S. history.
Like it or not, it’s affecting us all.
More than 50 lending institutions have gone bust so far. And every quarter, major Wall Street firms like Citigroup, Merrill Lynch, and Bear Stearns are losing billions.
Now, millions of Americans are finding it next to impossible to borrow money.
And to compound the problem, the ever-clueless Federal Reserve is cranking up the printing presses and pumping unbacked dollars into the economy like there’s no tomorrow.
And that’s a problem. Because every dollar Fed Chief Bernanke creates reduces the value of every other dollar in circulation:
Every dollar in your paycheck …
Every dollar in your savings accounts …
Every dollar you invest …
And every dollar you’ve socked away for retirement.
Now, you get to choose:
You can let the plunging dollar trash your nest egg -
OR you can USE this dollar disaster
to double and re-double your money in 2008
My name is Martin D. Weiss – of the GLOBAL SAFE MONEY REPORT. For nearly 40 years, my mission has been to warn investors like you about the hidden dangers – dangers with the power to wipe out your savings, investments and retirement – and I’m not about to stop now.
So in the next few minutes, I’m going to show you how to insulate your buying power, your savings, your investments, and your retirement and make more money – not less – as the dollar continues its head-long plunge.
And it’s not going to cost you one red cent …
* * * * *
Not bad … not bad at all …
- Notice how the writer begins by establishing the credibility of the letter’s author in the “pre-pre-” head — BEFORE presenting the major benefit …
- How the eyebrow directly above the headline goes straight to the dominant emotion the prospect has about the fact that his money is losing its value …
- How the headline contains a specific benefit — 438% — not just a vague promise to make the reader wealthier …
- How the deck copy spreads a wide net, offering a benefit to reading this regardless of whether you’re a conservative or aggressive growth-obsessed investor …
- How the salutation confirms that this letter is, indeed for your prospect — a “fellow investor” — and how it instantly creates trust by establishing that the author and the reader have something in common …
- How the first line of body copy establishes the urgent nature of this communication and subliminally sells the prospect on reading what follows …
- How the following copy keeps up the pace — even accelerates it — with short sentences, simple word choices, short and to-the-point sentences, and short, easy-to-read paragraphs …
- How the subhead immediately puts the prospect at a crossroads — giving him the choice of helplessness and poverty or action and financial prosperity …
- How the copy that follows “sells” the prospect on reading the entire letter by telling him what we’re going to tell him and how this letter is going to enrich his life …
- And finally, how it eases any skepticism the prospect may have by promising that none of this is going to cost him a single penny.
Not a bad template for starting your next sales letter — right?
Oh — and one other thing. Remember how I said earlier that one of the efforts was by a raw noob who knows nothing about finance or investment and has never written a promo for a financial product before?
Well, this is it: This copy sings NOT because the writer is a financial expert, but because the writer understands people — what we fear, what frustrates us, what we desire. And more than that: How to create a sense of effortless momentum, thereby sending the clear message that reading this is going to be a breeze.
So who wrote this? Was it the award-winning financial copywriter who has a hot new control for this client in the mail right now? The veteran with decades of experience under his belt? The young creative genius who’s creating online investment promos for me as we speak?
No. This is Deanna Blanchard’s work — and she wouldn’t know a stock if it jumped up and bit her on the keester. This is, believe it or not, the first draft copy of a sales letter written by a saleswoman in print whom I suspect could sell snowballs to Eskimos if she set her mind to it.
So congrats, Deanna; you have a long and — unless I miss my guess — VERY profitable career ahead of you!
Hope this helps …
Yours for Bigger Winners, More Often,
Clayton Makepeace
Publisher & Editor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE™
P.S. Have you heard about my 30-day challenge? The Redhead says I’ve gone off the deep end … that it’s going to put us in the poor house. Maybe she’s right … but if I can help you get more and better clients and beat their best promos, I’m willing to take that chance.
There’s just one thing … if you want to rocket your copywriting career in the next thirty days, you need to get on board ASAP. The Redhead’s putting her cute little foot down, so this challenge will only be available for a limited time. Check it out now.
P.P.S. LAST CALL: We are in the final stages of selecting the one new client/partner my agency ResponseInk will accept this year. So if you’d like your company to be considered, please click here to fill out our New Client Application.
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20 Comments »
Join the Discussion!
Let us know what you think. Or ask us anything. Or offer your own sage advice.
The only rule: RESPECT THIS HOUSE! Postings that contain abusive language and/or personal attacks will be cheerfully VAPORIZED. One cross word and – POOF! – your well-thought-out post will be gone in a puff of smoke.
– Clayton
Comment by Len — May 19, 2008 @ 12:32 pm
Great article, Clayton. Somehow I knew this was gonna be the topic for today’s column, boss. *chuckle* But no worries – I’ll get ‘em next time. Like the saying goes, "Not even Hasslehoff can save ‘em all…"
And to Deanna: Congrat’s once again!
Len
Comment by caleb osborne — May 19, 2008 @ 12:59 pm
CLAYTON!
Deanna is amazing – that copy SINGS!
(she looks cute as a button in that picture too
)
You sure know how to pick em, eh?
Take it Easy!
– Caleb
Comment by Chris — May 19, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
Congrats to Deanna! This woman is a natural, and I suspect, she’s going to give Clayton a hair-on-fire run for his money.
Comment by Phil Spinelli — May 19, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
That was GREAT!
Comment by deanna — May 19, 2008 @ 1:15 pm
Thanks for you comments, everyone. Because I knew next to nothing about financial stuff - Clayton was NOT exaggerating about that - I had to go with an emotional lead. It was all I knew to do! I’m just glad it worked out so well.
Deanna
Comment by Vee — May 19, 2008 @ 1:26 pm
Well, done, Deanna!
Comment by Seth Chong — May 19, 2008 @ 1:36 pm
It’s frickin dangerous.
Great work Deanna, and thanks Clayton for showing it to us.
Comment by Silverio — May 19, 2008 @ 1:37 pm
Deanna’ s sales letter proves that talent is everywhere and that specially shines from a fresh and creative mind
Congratulations to Deanna & Clayton for his keen eye to discover raw talent
Comment by copywriter — May 19, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
Good work!
Even in a different culture, as a Dutch-language copywriter, I can use some of these copywriting ideas!
Comment by Eric — May 19, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
WOW!
Here’s why this is the 1st time I’ve ever left a comment on this site:
(And I’ve been reading these posts weekly since the beginning…)
I had to tell Deanna how great that copy was!!!
It wasn’t stuffy or boring – or over-the-top in its believability – like a lot of the financial stuff I see.
Thanks for posting it… it was enjoyable to read.
-Eric
Comment by deanna — May 19, 2008 @ 4:04 pm
Wow, I really appreciate all the great comments. Thank you, everyone!
Deanna
Comment by Sem — May 19, 2008 @ 4:28 pm
Really good job, Deanna. And great job, Clayton, in the bullet points. Thanks for all you do to keep us getting better.
Comment by Bob Filderman — May 19, 2008 @ 8:30 pm
Wow, Clayton,
That was sensational, I’m not sure what you say about not being ready for press copy is really correct, but you would know. I’m just starting with this. To me, it was a total knockout, it got my fears about what the economy is doing up there. Great job, Deanna! Bob
Comment by Rob Palmer — May 19, 2008 @ 9:15 pm
That’s so good it’s scary…way to go, Deanna
If there was a subscribe link in the copy, I would be reaching for my credit card…
Comment by Jackie — May 20, 2008 @ 7:49 am
Deanna,
What a refreshing piece for the financial market. I too know very little about the financial arena, but I was ready to get out my checkbook as well. Keep up the great work!
Also, Clayton - thank you for sharing this copy. Another great example of an aspiring copywriter following your direction, tutelage and copy principles. (found in many of your archive articles on TTP)
Comment by Chris McMorrow — May 20, 2008 @ 7:56 am
Man, I always thought you needed either an MBA, or years upon years of securities experience under your belt before you could even begin to take a crack at writing sales copy for financial newsletters and such. If you’re willing to dig, and learn, and use common sense… if you’re grounded in the principles of writing compelling copy… you CAN do it. Thanks for the valuable lesson, Clayton. And thank you, Deanna, for proving the lesson true.
Comment by Lara — May 20, 2008 @ 12:15 pm
Awesome letter Deanna! Thanks for sharing with us (and thank you too Clayton). It’s going in my swipe file.
Comment by Ken Varga — May 20, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
Clayton, You absolutely correct. Arrogance is a serious problem today. Thanks for sharing the sales letter with us.
Ken Varga
http://www.kenvarga.com,
Comment by Barnabas Ng — May 21, 2008 @ 2:47 pm
well done Deanna.
Comment by Dave — May 24, 2008 @ 12:21 am
Hi Clayton!
I think Deanna is quite a special girl. She’s beautiful, talented and she’s got pedigree. Is she related to Ken or to Blanchard and Company?
I think, at the current moment, I won’t be able to create a copy as good as hers, but I beg to disagree that the copy above is a good template. I also don’t think that it will pull a lot of orders. Of course, most experts make mistakes when choosing the control and I’m not even one. If you believe in it, why not test it and let the market decide.
It will be a great learning experience for your newbies and to us, your readers, i.e., if you care to share the results with us.
Anyway, I do hope that I did not offend Deanna with my remarks. I believe that she will be quite a good copywriter, if she will not succumb to arrogance.
Dave
Dave