How to Write Ads That Read Themselves
- 5 Reasons why prospects stop reading your promo before they buy
- 16 tricks for making your copy nearly impossible to put down
- Much more!
Dear Business-Builder,
Couple of weekends ago, I got a wild hair, packed my Harley and set off to try my luck at Caesar’s Palace in Elizabeth, Indiana.
It’s not that I’m a masochist, mind you – I just figured putting 1,000 miles of asphalt under my butt would clear my head.
Plus, losing a few thousand samoleans at blackjack always motivates me: Seems to make me eager to report to work on Monday to begin restocking the larder.
So I gave myself Friday off (me: the best boss in the world), sprang out of bed before sun-up, snagged a quick cup of Joe, fired up the ElectroGlide and roared west on I-40.
The rising sun caught up with me as I careened through Great Smoky Mountains National Park towards Knoxville. I wish I could say I was thinking profound marketing thoughts as I buzzed blissfully along. In truth, my mind was obsessed with how bone-chilling cold the mountains are when it’s dark … when you’re doing 70 … in the wind.
In fact, the only thing that took my mind off of the cold was the army of 18-wheelers that, just after sunrise, began screaming by me on those shoulderless roads and in the dark, winding tunnels.
“Buck up!” I told myself. “It’s not getting any colder. Besides – I’ll be in the lowlands soon – on I-75 with its three wide lanes and luxuriously apportioned shoulders. My two hours of chilly misery — interrupted by moments of sheer truck-inspired terror – won’t last forever.”
And sure enough, I was soon well into the Kentucky Piedmont – and it was hotter’n Hell at high noon. But I forged on; tired, sweaty and covered in road grime. Only a couple hundred miles to go – and each one would be hotter than the one before.
Finally, mercifully, I saw Caesar’s Palace gleaming before me in that Indiana corn field … looking as out-of-place as a hooker at a revival meeting.
Before I could say, “Hallelujah,” I’d restored blood flow to my aching arse … checked into my suite … scrubbed several hundred miles of grit off my body … and was begging the dealer to let me buy insurance every time she drew a six. (The girl, bless her heart, could not bust. Obviously, she never read the book.)
I’ll spare you the rest of the tawdry gaming details – let’s just say I’m not quitting my day job.
Thankfully, I ran out of time before I ran out of money. Sunday morning dawned and it was time to begin making my way home.
It rained. Drops the size of ball bearings stung my face. My sunglasses fogged. Water pooled in my crotch and flooded my boots.
When I began ascending the Smokies again, I grew colder and wetter with each upward mile – and once again, the semis showed no mercy.
By the time I slogged up my muddy, quarter-mile-long driveway and into the shelter of the garage, I was a soaked, shivering, exhausted mess.
… And I can’t wait to do it again.
Crazy, huh? I know. But sometimes, being a biker isn’t about the perfect ride.
Sometimes, it’s about gutting it out over long, hard miles … pouring yourself a stiff drink … and collapsing exhausted and elated into bed as you bask in the warm glow of your Herculean accomplishment.
My point – and I do have one – is this:
We humans don’t mind working. We’ll work to make good money. We’ll enthusiastically work to attract a lover. We’ll work conscientiously at raising good kids. We’ll work joyfully at a hobby. We’ll even work (as I did) for a sense of satisfaction and to make a memory.
… But ninety-nine-point-ninety-nine times out of a hundred, we will not work to read an unsolicited ad.
See, when we marketers and copywriters approach a prospect with a direct mail piece, an e-mail blast, a print ad – or any other kind of promo, for that matter — we are interrupting his life.
The simple act of putting sales copy before a prospect brings him to a fork in his road – forces him to make a decision to either 1) Read or 2) Not read our message.
And every time his eye moves from one sentence to the next … from one paragraph to the next … or from one page to the next … he reaches yet another fork in the road – and gets to decide whether he’s going to keep reading our ad, or to abandon it.
As marketers and copywriters, writing a kick-butt headline to grab his attention is only the beginning. Our job is to make sure the prospect makes the right decision – the decision to continue reading — at every one of these forks in the road.
So what could make your prospect make the wrong decision and drop your promo into the nearest trash bin?
Off the top of my head? Here are five:
- Interruption: The kids just shoved the family cat into the dishwasher; the prospect hesitates, but ultimately decides that dealing with the immediate crisis is somewhat more pressing than reading your message.
Your best remedy: Pray for the cat.
- Unsuitability: Your prospect already has a computer and quickly decides your computer catalog is of no interest to him whatsoever.
Your best remedy: Shoot your list broker.
- Disbelief: Your claims seem so exaggerated or even dishonest, he figures he can’t trust anything you say.
Your best remedy: Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
- Boredom: Your copy is so brain-dead boring, he’d rather eat week-old sushi than continue reading.
Remedy: Get a personality.
- Exhaustion: Your copy is so dense, difficult to read and impossible to follow, he simply gives up.
Remedy: Copy that reads itself.
16 Ways to Write Copy That Reads Itself
- Be organized: If your copy meanders – if it makes the prospect have to think to figure out where you’re going … or feels like he’s taking two steps forward, then one step back … you’ve lost him.
Lay out your sales argument step-by-step. Begin with a fact that your prospect already knows is true or that you can substantiate beyond the shadow of a doubt (using a credible third-party source if necessary). Then, build your sales argument logically brick by brick – each new contention building on the power of the previous one.
- Work hard on your transitions: Never jar the prospect by changing the subject without warning. Create transitions to make it clear why you’re moving from one thought or point or theme to the next.
- Try the “3-T” formula: When you’re making an important point in the copy, try constructing a series of paragraphs in which you 1) Tell the prospect what you’re going to tell him, 2) Tell him, and 3) Tell him what you told him.
Tell ‘em what you’re going to tell ‘em:
“Did you know, taking calcium supplements every day can add ten good years to your life?Tell ‘em:
“A 2004 Harvard study determined that vitamin-takers live an average of ten years longer than those who don’t – and are 80 percent less likely to suffer a hip fracture or be admitted to a nursing home.”Tell ‘em what you told ‘em:
“Not only does calcium add years to your life, it adds life to your years!” - Begin paragraphs with connecting words: Words and phrases like “and,” “plus,” “furthermore,” “moreover,” “what’s more,” etc., point to the copy that follows, pushing the reader into the meat of your sentence and paragraph before he knows what hit him.
- Begin paragraphs with a hook: A power word like “you” or “free”, a benefit, a date, a famous name, engender curiosity and teases the reader onward.
- Short words, sentences and paragraphs: Old rule; never been more important than in today’s information extravaganza. I try to keep average word length around five to seven letters and paragraphs to about five lines each.
- Replace phrases with single words: Asking your prospect to read more words than necessary is asking him to work.
Instead of …
“Just open a packet of Energize! and put it into a glass of water …”Try …
“Just pour Energize into water …” - Replace long words with short, familiar ones: Instead of “facilitate,” say “help.” Instead of “utilize,” say “use.
- Replace passive words with active ones: Instead of “profit,” say “explode your wealth.” Instead of “limit your risk,” say “cut your risk.” Instead of “try it for 30 days,” say “USE it to make all the money you want for 30 days.”
- Replace poorly selected words with the precise word for the job: Imprecise word selection diffuses your sales argument, or worse — forces your prospect to work to figure out what you’re trying to say.
Hint: Excessive use of adjectives and adverbs is a red flag that there may be a more precise noun or verb that will let you say more with less.
If you’re not sure of the right word, take the time to crack open a thesaurus. It’ll pay you back in spades.
- Speak colloquially: Metaphors, similes, clichés and other figures of speech are word pictures. And you know what they say about pictures: They’re worth a thousand words.
Plus, using words and phrases your prospect uses to communicate every day helps you communicate more quickly and infuses energy and emotion into copy.
- Delete unnecessary words: Ruthlessly read through your copy looking for words you could delete without negative impact on the clarity and/or power of your sentences.
Example: “That” is quite possibly, the most overused word in the English language. Don’t believe me? Search for it through something you wrote – and every time you find it, ask yourself, “How would this read if I simply deleted it?”
- Avoid upside-down sentences. Commas are often red flags that the phrases in a sentence are in the wrong order. Check to see if moving the phrases around might eliminate the comma and make the sentence read faster.
- Begin sentences with benefits when possible:
Instead of …
Moving your money now will help you avoid major losses.Try …
You can avoid major losses IF you move your money now! - Make it effortless: Your prospect doesn’t want to learn anything or do anything. He wants you (your product) to do it all for him.
Phrases like “Learn how to …” or “Discover how to …” or “”I’ll teach you to …” imply the prospect has to do it himself.
Instead, say, “I’ll save you money.” I’ll make you richer.” I’ll ease your arthritis pain.”
- Get a second opinion: Once you’ve done all this, hand your copy to anyone who’ll agree to read it and ask them to mark spots in the copy where they feel confused, or felt like quitting. Then, return to those sections (and this checklist) to find ways to make the copy read itself.
That’s plenty to work with this week – hope it helps!
Yours for Bigger Winners, More Often,
Clayton Makepeace
Publisher & Editor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE
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23 Comments »
Join the Discussion!
Let us know what you think. Or ask us anything. Or offer your own sage advice.
The only rule: RESPECT THIS HOUSE! Postings that contain abusive language and/or personal attacks will be cheerfully VAPORIZED. One cross word and – POOF! – your well-thought-out post will be gone in a puff of smoke.
– Clayton
Comment by Rick — May 17, 2010 @ 9:45 am
Thanks Clayton, this was exactly what I needed this morning.
Comment by Rick — May 17, 2010 @ 9:45 am
I’m working on a sales letter for a client today. I decided to check my email over my morning coffee. I saw Clayton’s headline and headed over here.
Wow! I’ve just printed out this amazing post. It will be my “checklist” as a write and edit this letter.
Thanks, Clayton!
Rick
Comment by Eldo — May 17, 2010 @ 9:59 am
The Master does it again!
Love reading your posts, Clayton.
You begin with a story and take us along with you for the ride.
Don’t know anyone else who writes as well as you do.
And many thanks for all your tips & tricks of the trade.
All the best
Eldo
Comment by Butch — May 17, 2010 @ 10:33 am
Thanks Clayton, I love reading your posts. I can see why you’re so successful. You can really keep one’s attention. I really enjoyed the story of your harley trip
Comment by Akin — May 17, 2010 @ 11:09 am
Dear Clayton,
you have said it all. i have broken all this rules. i am now going to correct my copy and improve stickability of my site
Comment by Jeff McIntosh — May 17, 2010 @ 11:13 am
Just what I needed when I needed it. Article equivalent of Blackjack!
Comment by Robert Heiney — May 17, 2010 @ 11:35 am
Thank you Clayton! Great information. I have to imagine what I’d get in the Quickstart Copywriting Course because I haven’t purchased it … yet.
Comment by Scott Thrall — May 17, 2010 @ 12:13 pm
Thanks Clayton. Excellent, but who would expect less.
Comment by Michael Schofield — May 17, 2010 @ 1:24 pm
As I sit here, ruthlessly editing a sample to win over a prospective client. I couldn’t help but to doubt my copy. Was it good enough?
You agree, a sample should be you very best work… Right?
Well, my mind was blanking out… So I decided to take a break.
I opened up my email… low and behold, right there was an email from Clayton waiting for me.
Of course, I immediately clicked it open and found myself reading this article…
Amazing… it was exactly what I needed at the right time I needed it…
Thanks,
Mike
Comment by Tammy — May 17, 2010 @ 1:40 pm
Hey Clayton,
Loved hearing about your ride to Indiana.
Reminds me of my mom and dad telling stories about jumping
on their Harley and riding from Virginia all the way to
Sturgis!
Many times!
Sounds soooo gooood!!!
It’s a dream for now but someday………
When I am one of the greatest copywriters, I will have my own bike and ride all the way to Sturgis myself.
The main point of the article was so good I printed it out
for future reference.
You never disappoint. Thanks for the great story and the awesome article.
You are the greatest!!!!!!!!
Tammy
Comment by Dana — May 17, 2010 @ 4:58 pm
Great stuff as always!!!
Dana
Comment by Frank Barnhill — May 17, 2010 @ 8:54 pm
Hey Clayton,
I just finished my first solo book-Mistaken for ADHD.
Wish I had these writing tips before I started the book.
I realize they are intended for copy writers….but
they apply equally well for writing any text targeted to an audience.
In addition, since editors charge by the word, any advice that limits the total word count would not only help the readability but would save the author money.
I’ll definitely remember your points when I start the second edition in the winter. I really enjoy your e-mails and am sure they have improved my e-newsletter writing.
Thanks,
Frank Barnhill,MD
ADHDbehavior.com
drhuggiebear.com
Comment by Ron Jordan — May 17, 2010 @ 10:48 pm
That is the truth about that word that. It is interesting that the word that is used more often than any other word so much so that you wonder how we lived without it.
That is all I have to say about that.
It is amazing how you help your readers see things in a new light. You never disappoint. I open your emails and don’t even read them, I go straight to the part where I click to read more because I know it is valuable.
Thank you
Comment by Rezbi — May 18, 2010 @ 3:34 am
Another great article.
This is what I like - real, immediately usable, to-the-point information.
Comment by Ed - computer repair los angeles — May 18, 2010 @ 8:32 am
great insights and style thank you
Comment by JT Chandler — May 18, 2010 @ 9:32 am
Clayton,
“Make it effortless” Now there’s a subject… maybe even a headline.
And on that note…
Clayton please link your email tease with the actual article rather than the home page. If your readers have an accumulation of Makepeace masterpieces in their email file (as i do) and wish to reread or share it. It’s no fun and a bit confusing to not be directly linked to the article in question. Thanks
Comment by Joe — May 18, 2010 @ 12:23 pm
Has Clayton Retired? Haven’t heard anyting new in awhile from the ol’ wise one.
Though the past stuff never gets too old to read and learn from. But do miss his fresh thoughts and irreverent take on things current. Hey, I’ve been spoiled.
Regards,
Joe
Comment by John Kirk — May 18, 2010 @ 4:54 pm
Clayton
You know, I really wanted to join you on that Harley ride by the time you finished the story. Despite the cold and wet and dirt and heat and those crazy mother truckers trying to kill you! And I’m sure I’ve met that croupier girl (or her sister).
And that was before the really good stuff. Great copy, great info. I’ll sure use it.
I found you by accident (fate?) by clicking a link in Steve Johns’ newsletter that caught my eye (thanks Steve). You’re bookmarked Clayton and I’ll be back!
Comment by Terry Bullock — May 19, 2010 @ 3:26 pm
Can you ad my mail address to your website? Thank you. I work for a small town newspaper in Sebring, Florida. This was e-mailed to me by one of my advertisers. This information was so GREATLY appreciated.
Terry Bullock
Heartland Sun Times Newspaper
Sebring, Florida
Comment by Dean — May 20, 2010 @ 8:14 pm
Lots of income producing tips as usual.
I was most interested in your last one, as it makes perfect sense, but is in direct conflict with what most of the online “gurus” are preaching.
I know who’s advice I will be testing
Cheers,
Dean.
Comment by Mike Hunt — May 23, 2010 @ 7:57 pm
Well done Joe. This ride was well before Clayton quit smoking.
Comment by Wendy Makepeace — May 24, 2010 @ 8:11 am
OK, you guys caught me! From time to time I republish one of Clayton’s older articles. As you may or may not know, Clayton is a working copywriter just like many of you are… and, well…clients come first because that’s how we pay our bills.
The Total Package is a labor of love for Clayton and he loves that it provides him the opportunity to help so many people conquer their dreams or introduce them to an entirely new career in direct response marketing. But, we personally don’t actually make any money from The Total Package. All of the product sales that we do make go to pay for the staff to put out TTP and reinvest back into finding new subscribers.
So, the answer to Joe’s question is no…Clayton has not retired…but, we work around his very busy schedule. Plus, many of his Total Package articles haven’t been republished in years…and there are so many great articles that I feel compelled to bring them to the forefront again….
Thanks for understanding!
The Redhead
Comment by Alan — August 27, 2010 @ 5:25 am
This is awesome…
(Is your first name “THE”?, Ms Readhead?)
Maybe it’s a rerun, but most peolpe won’t tune in every time and today I did cos I needed inspiration.
That did the trick.
When you know the basics and you just need some inspiration as to the tone to set in an article, reading Claytons “Stuff” does the job.
I can rock on the bass guitar, but to get in state, I may watch Victa Wooten or someone. This is no different.
Thanks Clayton and “The”, …and Joe, sometimes humility is received better than “Smart-arse-ility”.
When you reach the point when you know something but don’t feel the need to say anything, you are close to being a grown up.
Rock n roll