Posted by: Clayton Makepeace
December 18, 2008
Originally Posted On: August 7, 2006

How to Write Ads That Read Themselves

• 5 Reasons why prospects stop reading your promo before they buy
• 16 tricks for making your copy nearly impossible to put down
• Much more!

Dear Business-Builder,

Couple of weekends ago, I got a wild hair, packed my Harley and set off to try my luck at Caesar’s Palace in Elizabeth, Indiana.

It’s not that I’m a masochist, mind you – I just figured putting 1,000 miles of asphalt under my butt would clear my head.

Plus, losing a few thousand samoleans at blackjack always motivates me: Seems to make me eager to report to work on Monday to begin restocking the larder.

So I gave myself Friday off (me: the best boss in the world), sprang out of bed before sun-up, snagged a quick cup of Joe, fired up the ElectroGlide and roared west on I-40.

The rising sun caught up with me as I careened through Great Smoky Mountains National Park towards Knoxville. I wish I could say I was thinking profound marketing thoughts as I buzzed blissfully along. In truth, my mind was obsessed with how bone-chilling cold the mountains are when it’s dark … when you’re doing 70 … in the wind.

In fact, the only thing that took my mind off of the cold was the army of 18-wheelers that, just after sunrise, began screaming by me on those shoulderless roads and in the dark, winding tunnels.

“Buck up!” I told myself. “It’s not getting any colder. Besides – I’ll be in the lowlands soon – on I-75 with its three wide lanes and luxuriously apportioned shoulders. My two hours of chilly misery — interrupted by moments of sheer truck-inspired terror – won’t last forever.”

And sure enough, I was soon well into the Kentucky Piedmont – and it was hotter’n Hell at high noon. But I forged on; tired, sweaty and covered in road grime. Only a couple hundred miles to go – and each one would be hotter than the one before.

Finally, mercifully, I saw Caesar’s Palace gleaming before me in that Indiana corn field … looking as out-of-place as a hooker at a revival meeting.

Before I could say, “Hallelujah,” I’d restored blood flow to my aching arse … checked into my suite … scrubbed several hundred miles of grit off my body … and was begging the dealer to let me buy insurance every time she drew a six. (The girl, bless her heart, could not bust. Obviously, she never read the book.)

I’ll spare you the rest of the tawdry gaming details – let’s just say I’m not quitting my day job.

Thankfully, I ran out of time before I ran out of money. Sunday morning dawned and it was time to begin making my way home.

It rained. Drops the size of ball bearings stung my face. My sunglasses fogged. Water pooled in my crotch and flooded my boots.

When I began ascending the Smokies again, I grew colder and wetter with each upward mile – and once again, the semis showed no mercy.

By the time I slogged up my muddy, quarter-mile-long driveway and into the shelter of the garage, I was a soaked, shivering, exhausted mess.

 … And I can’t wait to do it again.

Crazy, huh? I know. But sometimes, being a biker isn’t about the perfect ride.

Sometimes, it’s about gutting it out over long, hard miles … pouring yourself a stiff drink … and collapsing exhausted and elated into bed as you bask in the warm glow of your Herculean accomplishment.

My point – and I do have one – is this:

We humans don’t mind working. We’ll work to make good money. We’ll enthusiastically work to attract a lover. We’ll work conscientiously at raising good kids. We’ll work joyfully at a hobby. We’ll even work (as I did) for a sense of satisfaction and to make a memory.

 … But ninety-nine-point-ninety-nine times out of a hundred, we will not work to read an unsolicited ad.

See, when we marketers and copywriters approach a prospect with a direct mail piece, an e-mail blast, a print ad – or any other kind of promo, for that matter — we are interrupting his life.

The simple act of putting sales copy before a prospect brings him to a fork in his road – forces him to make a decision to either 1) Read or 2) Not read our message.

And every time his eye moves from one sentence to the next … from one paragraph to the next … or from one page to the next … he reaches yet another fork in the road – and gets to decide whether he’s going to keep reading our ad, or to abandon it.

As marketers and copywriters, writing a kick-butt headline to grab his attention is only the beginning. Our job is to make sure the prospect makes the right decision – the decision to continue reading — at every one of these forks in the road.

So what could make your prospect make the wrong decision and drop your promo into the nearest trash bin?

Off the top of my head? Here are five:

1. Interruption: The kids just shoved the family cat into the dishwasher; the prospect hesitates, but ultimately decides that dealing with the immediate crisis is somewhat more pressing than reading your message.

   Your best remedy: Pray for the cat.

2. Unsuitability: Your prospect already has a computer and quickly decides your computer catalog is of no interest to him whatsoever.

   Your best remedy: Shoot your list broker.

3. Disbelief: Your claims seem so exaggerated or even dishonest, he figures he can’t trust anything you say.

   Your best remedy: Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

4. Boredom: Your copy is so brain-dead boring, he’d rather eat week-old sushi than continue reading.

   Remedy: Get a personality.

5. Exhaustion: Your copy is so dense, difficult to read and impossible to follow, he simply gives up.

   Remedy: Copy that reads itself.

16 Ways to Write Copy That Reads Itself

1. Be organized: If your copy meanders – if it makes the prospect have to think to figure out where you’re going … or feels like he’s taking two steps forward, then one step back … you’ve lost him.

   Lay out your sales argument step-by-step. Begin with a fact that your prospect already knows is true or that you can substantiate beyond the shadow of a doubt (using a credible third-party source if necessary). Then, build your sales argument logically brick by brick – each new contention building on the power of the previous one.

2. Work hard on your transitions: Never jar the prospect by changing the subject without warning. Create transitions to make it clear why you’re moving from one thought or point or theme to the next.
3. Try the “3-T” formula: When you’re making an important point in the copy, try constructing a series of paragraphs in which you 1) Tell the prospect what you’re going to tell him, 2) Tell him, and 3) Tell him what you told him.

   Tell ‘em what you’re going to tell ‘em:
   “Did you know, taking calcium supplements every day can add ten good years to your life?

   Tell ‘em:
   “A 2004 Harvard study determined that vitamin-takers live an average of ten years longer than those who don’t – and are 80 percent less likely to suffer a hip fracture or be admitted to a nursing home.”

   Tell ‘em what you told ‘em:
   “Not only does calcium add years to your life, it adds life to your years!”

4. Begin paragraphs with connecting words: Words and phrases like “and,” “plus,” “furthermore,” “moreover,” “what’s more,” etc., point to the copy that follows, pushing the reader into the meat of your sentence and paragraph before he knows what hit him.
5. Begin paragraphs with a hook: A power word like “you” or “free”, a benefit, a date, a famous name, engender curiosity and teases the reader onward.
6. Short words, sentences and paragraphs: Old rule; never been more important than in today’s information extravaganza. I try to keep average word length around five to seven letters and paragraphs to about five lines each.
7. Replace phrases with single words: Asking your prospect to read more words than necessary is asking him to work.

   Instead of …
   “Just open a packet of Energize! and put it into a glass of water …”

   Try …
   “Just pour Energize into water …”

8. Replace long words with short, familiar ones: Instead of “facilitate,” say “help.” Instead of “utilize,” say “use.
9. Replace passive words with active ones: Instead of “profit,” say “explode your wealth.” Instead of “limit your risk,” say “cut your risk.” Instead of “try it for 30 days,” say “USE it to make all the money you want for 30 days.”
10. Replace poorly selected words with the precise word for the job: Imprecise word selection diffuses your sales argument, or worse — forces your prospect to work to figure out what you’re trying to say.

    Hint: Excessive use of adjectives and adverbs is a red flag that there may be a more precise noun or verb that will let you say more with less.

    If you’re not sure of the right word, take the time to crack open a thesaurus. It’ll pay you back in spades.

11. Speak colloquially: Metaphors, similes, clichés and other figures of speech are word pictures. And you know what they say about pictures: They’re worth a thousand words.

    Plus, using words and phrases your prospect uses to communicate every day helps you communicate more quickly and infuses energy and emotion into copy.

12. Delete unnecessary words: Ruthlessly read through your copy looking for words you could delete without negative impact on the clarity and/or power of your sentences.

    Example: “That” is quite possibly, the most overused word in the English language. Don’t believe me? Search for it through something you wrote – and every time you find it, ask yourself, “How would this read if I simply deleted it?”

13. Avoid upside-down sentences. Commas are often red flags that the phrases in a sentence are in the wrong order. Check to see if moving the phrases around might eliminate the comma and make the sentence read faster.
14. Begin sentences with benefits when possible:

    Instead of …
    Moving your money now will help you avoid major losses.

    Try …
    You can avoid major losses IF you move your money now!

15. Make it effortless: Your prospect doesn’t want to learn anything or do anything. He wants you (your product) to do it all for him.

    Phrases like “Learn how to …” or “Discover how to …” or “”I’ll teach you to …” imply the prospect has to do it himself.

    Instead, say, “I’ll save you money.” I’ll make you richer.” I’ll ease your arthritis pain.”

16. Get a second opinion: Once you’ve done all this, hand your copy to anyone who’ll agree to read it and ask them to mark spots in the copy where they feel confused, or felt like quitting. Then, return to those sections (and this checklist) to find ways to make the copy read itself.

That’s plenty to work with this week – hope it helps!

Yours for Bigger Winners, More Often,

Clayton Makepeace
Publisher & Editor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE

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12 Comments »

1. Comment by Melissa Arnold — December 18, 2008 @ 12:22 pm

   I love you, Clayton. I completely, whole-heartedly love you. You give us meat and potatoes instead of baby formula, and I know it’s because you really care (and you really know your stuff!) I’ve been a successful writer for a long time, so I know a thing or two about writing. But EVERY week I learn something from you about how to improve my writing just a bit more. If I were there with you now, I’d give you a big kiss and hug.

2. Comment by Bob Heiney — December 18, 2008 @ 12:34 pm

   You are the KING of Copywriting

   If I ever become an A-Level copywriter, I’m thanking you first. Your site and advice is indispensible … uh - vital

3. Comment by Terence — December 18, 2008 @ 1:11 pm

   This is another one going in my swipe file Clayton. A great story followed by rock-solid information that I can apply immediately.

4. Comment by Sarah clachar — December 18, 2008 @ 1:39 pm

   Clayton,

   Great piece. Thank you for the 3T formula . . . plus so much more. I’ve been very busy over the last few weeks and unable to read your articles, glad to be back.

5. Comment by chris — December 18, 2008 @ 2:24 pm

   CLAYTON you are justunbelievable …presenting detailed information to success…thanks cos i know the words i just read will someday add millions to my wallet

6. Comment by Steve Newdell — December 18, 2008 @ 2:53 pm

   Wonderful,

   a CLEAR,

   completely understandable,

   directly pointed advertising course lesson in 10 minutes;

   …And and I didn’t have to pay $44 for it.

   Some other writers I know who sell it for that monthly fee need to read this and do some rewriting.

7. Comment by Andrea — December 18, 2008 @ 5:29 pm

   Thanks Clayton. You’re a real star. Real, solid information that I can use right away. What a gift.
   Merry Christmas!

8. Comment by Bernie — December 19, 2008 @ 2:05 pm

   Thanks Mr. Makepeace,

   Just what I always wanted for Christmas. A new copywriting checklist to post over my desk!

   Happy Holidays!

   Bernie

9. Comment by Jim McCarthy — December 19, 2008 @ 6:27 pm

   VERY occasionally….. I cut n’ paste a post or article into a word document which sits on my desktop for constant use.

   THIS post is certainly one of them!

   Really solid info here worth a bundle. Ouch! You just cost me several more hours pouring over various bits of copy with this checklist in hand….. Reckon that HAS to pay itself back quickly though as these are fantastic tips!

   Thanks for continually coming up with the goods!

10. Trackback by spades — December 20, 2008 @ 4:05 am

    How to Write Ads That Read Themselves…

    Bookmarked your post over at Blog Bookmarker.com!…

11. Comment by Susan Connors — December 20, 2008 @ 3:51 pm

    Hi Clayton

    Your holiday trek sounds like fun Kind of like when I go 4 wheel driving in the forest areas here in Aus. Four kids, husband as a passenger and me as driver, we take our beasty into the bush. Often coming across fallen trees, roads that aren’t there, we see beauty and often unusual scenery and animals. Yes, there are are some “oh my gosh’ moments - like the first time I drove up a trail - I mean a goat had a better chance of getting up it. I had to hold my breathe, say a prayer and push her up this incline that had nowhere to go except up or off the track. Would have helped had I used low gear lol but hey I know better now.

    Then there is the infamous Scotsmans Mountain. You like follow this dirt and weed infested road called Peach Tree trail up the side of this windy mountain - windy as well lol.

    As you go up it, you come across a place where its like times stopped. Over 150 years ago logs are still being split for fence posts and so on. It is amazing to see them still there. If you be quiet, kind of hard with the kids, you can almost hear the timber getters. These roads which we travel fool you with their names. Mostly they are tracks made by settlers and exlorers years and years ago.

    Yes, there are moments when I feel like I am scared to death, its also a challenge. We go prepared with the right gear etc and discover most places many folk would not see in a million years.

    I will use your copy formula Clayton. Thanks a million..

    All the best

    Sue in Aus
    http://www.marketingforlife.com.au

12. Comment by Edward — December 24, 2008 @ 4:58 pm

    Clayton,
    Thank You for the insight and down to earth information you
    have share with us. So much to learn and implement but still great stuffs.

    Merry Christmas & Happy New Years to your family!!