Save the Polar Bears!
How Al Gore, Ted Danson, George Bush and I did it
Dear Business-Builder,
[CAUTION: If you love Al Gore, Ted Danson or global warming, you should definitely click here to go straight to the marketing lesson in today’s issue. Because I have some fun with them but the comments at the end of this issue should be about marketing – NOT tree-hugging.]
When someone said something naughty to me, my mama used to just give me a hug and suggest that I “consider the source.”
Her personal life coach – Jesus – said, “By their fruits, you shall know them.”
So please forgive me if I still think global warming is a steaming bedpan after a big chili dinner.
Because I’ve been watching the people who promote this mania. And frankly, I wouldn’t trust any of them with my wallet or my wife.
Take Al Gore, for instance. He’s been pounding this pulpit for more than a decade. And, well, frankly … the man is unhinged.
According to Al, the book and movie Love Story were based on his love affair with Tipper.
Sadly, according to the book, Tipper tragically passed away more than 40 years ago.
Evidently, her last words were “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Then she croaked – probably from sheer embarrassment after hearing that mind-blowingly sappy and blatantly ridiculous sentiment proceed from her own mouth.
So either that blond hottie Al’s married to now is someone else or Al has also perfected the art of reanimating human corpses. Either way, I have it on good authority that Al is also being seriously considered for The Nobel Prize for Medicine.
… Or was it Mortuary Science? I forget.
No matter – I hear Al has also taken bows for personally inventing the Internet. So I figure the Nobel Prize for Technology can’t be far behind – not to mention the Adult Video Network award for “Greatest Advancements in Porn.”
In fact, after hours of exhaustive research on the subject, I have officially determined that the ONLY thing old Al hasn’t won so far is the Miss America pageant. He was, however, Miss Universe in, oh … let’s say 1997.
I hear his baton twirling sucked, but he won the swimsuit competition hands-down. Unfortunately, he was later disqualified when the judges discovered he had taped his man-boobs together to enhance his cleavage. Returning that tiara must have been the most difficult day of his life.
So what’s next for Al? Well, you can pretty much start an office pool right now on when Albert will announce that he invented Earth Shoes, the WonderBra, Pringles, Maxi-Pads and Hip-Hop.
Face it: Al is the single most infamous “exaggerator” in America. In fact, if you, me or anybody else exaggerated as much as Al does, people would probably stop calling us “exaggerators” and start calling us shameless, bald-faced liars.
So forgive me if I wasn’t exactly “knock-me-down-with-a-feather” surprised when the very scientists the Alinator quoted in his Z-movie (as in “Z-z-z-z-z”), An Inconvenient Truth, quickly began backing away from both Al and his flick almost as soon as it premiered.
Why? Quick multiple choice test:
- They said Al had grossly exaggerated the problem.
- They said Al had grossly exaggerated the problem.
OK – so what’s your answer?
Congratulations! You get a gold star.
You gotta ask yourself –
“Does this guy’s balloon ever land?”
Now let me ask you a serious question. Relax … it won’t be hard:
Can you name anyone else who you know has told more whoppers than Al?
No?
OK – question #2: If anyone you know in real life told you as many fibs as Al has, would you trust anything else he ever told you?
No?
OK – question #3: So what are the chances that old Al is not to be trusted when it comes to global warming?
Zero and none – right?
Bingo.
Al’s big, fat, 20-room
mansion
You know what’s worse than the fact that Al couldn’t tell the truth if you held a gun to his head?
He’s a hypocrite of monumental proportions.
The guy lives in a one-zillion square-foot 20-room mansion that burns more energy and emits more carbon than the entire nation of Botswana.
And you know what? I hear it’s not his only house! Evidently, the Gorester needs more than one mansion to keep all his stuff in.
And how do you think he gets to all those award ceremonies? In a hybrid? A biofuel-powered Greyhound bus?
Al’s big, fat,
private jet
HAH!
The man zips around the planet in private jets that emit more exhaust fumes than the entire Chinese army!
And just look at that mug. I ask you: Is this the face of an eco-friendly vegetarian?
Doesn’t Al know that every side of beef he consumes equals a half a cow …
That two sides of beef is a whole cow …
That whole cows do little else but eat, pass gas and poop all day …
And that all the methane in those cow farts and cow plop are melting the glaciers?
Al’s big, fat … uh …
nevermind
Add in Al’s own personal “hot air” and you can now see why we’re facing a catastrophe of Biblical proportions.
Now, some say we should listen to Al. We should spend a fortune installing huge, expensive solar panels to make our homes more energy efficient. We should turn up our thermostats so we sweat in the summer and then turn them down so we shiver in the winter. We should sell our nice, big comfortable cars and buy expensive, cramped little hybrids. And carpool.
Just like Al DOESN’T.
I say, if Al would just shut the hell up, put down his Double Whopper with Cheese and eat an apple now and then, there’d be a LOT less hot air to worry about.
C’mon, Al – do it for the polar bears!
Consider the source. By their fruits, you shall know them.
“The oceans will be devoid of life within seven years.”
– Actor Ted Danson, 1990
I know what you’re thinking. “Where does Makepeace get all this skepticism and cynicism, about ‘saving the environment,’ anyway?”
Fact is, I came by it naturally: First, by being scared half to death in second grade when My Weekly Reader informed me that according to scientists, we’d soon be suffering through a new ice age.
Since I lived in Minneapolis at the time and had already seen sixty-degree-below-zero wind chills, you can imagine how the prospect of “Global Cooling” gave me nightmares – and how I learned that weathermen are probably the least reliable source of predictions about the future.
Then, years later – in about 1990 – I got my booster shot of skepticism when Ted Danson’s American Oceans Campaign asked me to visit their offices in Beverly Hills to discuss creating fund-raising promotions for them.
The clown
and the clownfish
Evidently, I was supposed to work cheap – because one of the first things they told me was that they had a tiny budget but that was OK because I would be “saving the planet.”
You see, if I didn’t help them save the sea, pollution and over-fishing would kill the oceans in just seven, short years.
By 1997, the beautiful, blue sea we loved would be completely dead; devoid of life. No more lobster, crab, tuna or sushi; the ocean would become nothing more than a toxic soup where nothing could survive.
Now, I’m no scientist – but even I could tell those guys had been smoking funny cigarettes. So I smiled, packed my briefcase and backed out of the conference room very slowly …
Because I knew Ted Danson was a Hollywood star. He lived in a massive mansion. He flew around the country in private jets.
Ted wasn’t the solution; Ted was the problem!
The solution, according to Ted was for all the “little people” to make the sacrifices so he could go on enjoying his privileged lifestyle while snarking down copious amounts of sushi.
Consider the source. By their fruits, you shall know them.
… So I just bought a Prius
No, NOT because I’m worried about global warming. Because I’m worried that the Dummycraps (my daughter’s word; not mine) who are about to inherit both houses of Congress and the White House are bound and determined to make sure we don’t produce more oil or build more refineries.
So they can drive gasoline prices to $10, even $20 a gallon.
So we won’t use as much.
… So Al can continue consuming mass quantities of energy and beef and emitting vast clouds of carbon and methane without ever having to worry about the polar bears, ever again.
… And so Ted can still have a fish stick now and then.
And, since the Republicraps (My word; not my daughter’s) have evidently had every bone in their spines removed, we sure as hell can’t count on them to protect us.
So rather than hitch-hike to work – or have to park my Porsche in gas lines overnight like I did in the ‘70s – we bought the hybrid.
What a miserable car. It accelerates from zero to sixty in roughly two hours and fifteen minutes. There’s just enough room for one person and three-days-worth of groceries. Two-days-worth if you’re Al Gore. OK – maybe two-days plus a bag of Twinkies if you open the glove compartment.
But hey – these is the times we lives in. No?
OK – enough of the rant; now, the lesson
Think: What do Al Gore and Ted Danson have in common – besides the obvious fact that they’re both dopier than Pee Wee Herman?
What do they both do to get attention, raise money, influence legislation and try to ruin my life?
I’ll give you a clue: George Bush does it too. Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and just about every Democrat and Republican in Congress does it too.
Oh – and I just did it, too.
Anyone? … Anyone?
Right! Yeah, you in the back! They use FEAR!
We’re all gonna die – or at least get a serious sunburn – if we don’t support Al. No more oysters or stuffed flounder if we don’t support Ted. The terrorists will get us if we don’t support Bush. We’ll all go broke if we don’t go along with the Democrats’ plan to nick us for higher taxes. The Republicans will declare World War III if we don’t support the Democrats.
And of course, I told The Redhead that we could find ourselves suffering in long gas lines if we didn’t get the Prius.
Product marketers do it, too.
We all know we’ll never get laid again if we don’t use the right deodorant and the right toothpaste. Folks will scorn you if you don’t wear the right designer clothes. Your friends will know you’re a wuss if you don’t drink the right beer. God will get you if you don’t go to the right church. Satan will get you if you go to no church at all.
It’s the oldest dodge in the world. If you want maximum attention and response, just …
- Yell BOO!
- Sit back and watch the money or votes, customers or parishioners – or the new Prius – come rolling in.
So why do all these people and institutions use fear?
Simple: Because it works.
And frankly, in most cases, it works better than painting a pretty picture of what will happen at some point in the future if we stop global warming, clean up the oceans, create a democratic Muslim state in the Middle East or buy a new hybrid.
Fact is, we love to be scared. We pay hundreds of millions of dollars a year to see horror flicks. And have you seen what’s on the “smart” cable channels these days? You know – The History Channel, Learning Channel, Discovery Channel et al?
The massive volcano under Yellowstone is about to erupt and kill us all. Unless, of course, a massive asteroid or comet doesn’t kill us first. Or unless a mega-tsunami doesn’t wipe us off the face of the planet first or unless the aliens in all those flying saucers don’t vaporize us first.
And of course, it’s all going to end in 2012 anyway, according to the Mayan calendar and, some say, Nostradamus.
In short, Hell sells better than Heaven.
So here’s a thought; next time you’re creating a promotion, instead of sticking a big, huge, unbelievable benefit in your headline, why not try yelling “BOO!” instead.
Worth a try; no?
Oh – and in the meantime, relax … take a deep breath and smile. Hug your partner, kiss the kids, smell the flowers.
Everything’s going to be just fine.
Hope this helps …
Yours for Bigger Winners, More Often,
Clayton Makepeace
Publisher & Editor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE
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Comment by Edward Turner — July 28, 2008 @ 1:40 pm
I say, screw the polar bears! Who needs them?
We’ll get along just fine without them, just like we’ve done for thousands of years without those pesky dinosaurs.
Natural selection, anybody?
My 2 cents,
Ed
Comment by Janet — July 28, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
Great topic for bringing the point of the "fear factor" home. I love it when I hear Gore smashing truths. Long live common sense and nature’s natural processes.
Comment by Caleb Osborne — July 28, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
Holy Crap Clayton,
I fell in love with you… AGAIN!
Anyone want a lesson on copy that MOVES… copy that’s easy to read… copy that uses everyday language… turn-of-phrases… metaphors and similes to convey emotion, feelings, and say a TRUCKLOAD of things with little?
Read that article again.
Clayton, you are such a past master – this "copy" SINGS!
With Love
Caleb
Comment by Julie McManus — July 28, 2008 @ 2:01 pm
I haven’t laughed so hard in ages! Clayton I can not believe YOU bought a Prius!!!!!! I will now have to tease you mercilessly for the next 6 months or till you dump that car… whichever comes first! I give that Prius 3 months tops!’
I guess the best thing is you’ll probably be able to sell it for a profit!
All my best to you, Wendy and the gang,
Julie
Comment by Manish — July 28, 2008 @ 2:04 pm
oh, there you go again…. Dowsing fire with gasoline.
Better to stick with copy, and leave the political comments for the clueless pundits.
Comment by Jennifer Gibbs — July 28, 2008 @ 2:07 pm
Flawless!
THIS is why I take the time out of a busy schedule to read everything that enters my in-box from the MakepeaceTotalPackage website…
Thanks for a grin, and thanks for a good shot of old-school marketing in the arm.
Keep ‘em coming!
Jennifer
Comment by David Wilkinson — July 28, 2008 @ 2:13 pm
Sure they use fear. So do Apple in their "I’m A Mac" adverts. Point is… That doesn’t make Al or anyone wrong. There’s substantial evidence to suggest… ROFL
Political hogwash over. Seriously dude, great post. Not saying I agree, but the lesson there is gold. Given me some great headline ideas.
- David
Comment by Bucktowndusty @FromThePen.com — July 28, 2008 @ 2:22 pm
The Gore’s Prayer
““““““““
Al Father, who art in transit,
Phony be thy game.
Thy Lear-Jet hums.
Those lies you’ve spun,
About Earth, and your huge mansion.
Give us a break, your daily dread.
And forgive us with bus passes,
As we curse those flying first-class above us.
And lead us not into stagflation,
But humor us more, Sir Carbon-Knievel.
Amen!
“““““““
Comment by John Scola — July 28, 2008 @ 2:25 pm
They came first for those who didn’t believe in the Population Bomb theory
and I didn’t speak up because I too young to know any better…
Then they came for those who didn’t believe in the Global Cooling theory
I didn’t speak up because I busy partying in school…
Then they came for those who didn’t believe in Global Warming
I didn’t speak up because I was laughing too hard at the hysterics
Then they came for me, and by that time… no one was left to speak up for me…
I actually believe that folks PREFER to be frightened so they have something to blame for whatever they are unhappy about in their lives…
And the media caters to the lowest common denominator of our fears which explains why something that CANNOT be proven has legs… Global Warming… if I had a dime for every time…
Comment by Lara — July 28, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
Right on Clayton! Excellent points - you really drive home the message that fear sells. Thanks again.
Comment by Todd Herman — July 28, 2008 @ 2:32 pm
COMPLAINT!!!
Clayton why do you have to wait until the early afternoon to launch your Monday post???… I feel like a dog sitting anxiously at the front door waiting for my master to bring home some mouth-watering treats… I wanna slurp up every last morsel.
Your writing is like a hot shovel through a pile of horse-s*#t.
Your editorials fit like a sparkly sequined dress on Richard Simmons!
Keep ‘em comin’!
A thousand thank-you’s for the lessons!
- Todd
Comment by Larry Owen — July 28, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
Whenever I’m feelin’ a little blue, I lift my spirits and dream about beating Al, Ted, Pelosi and Reid with a baseball bat.Global warming is not only the new religion, but the biggest scam dumped on mankind in my lifetime.
Comment by Paul Flood — July 28, 2008 @ 2:37 pm
Clayton,
This got me so worked up that I had to pause my fund-raising discussion with a couple of Buddhist nuns and run to bathroom to relieve myself. It always drives me crazy when my excessive ice tea consumption destroys those perfect opportunities to frighten those less educated and less fortunate than me.
Well now, Al sure has a lot of people flippin’ out doesn’t he?
O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. What plot line would Sir Walter Scott have weaved around the never-ending lessons of fantasy being served to us by Mr. Al and his crowd of lemmings, the true followers of the fantasy?
Well, we should at least hold some of our literary scorn in check and allow time to thank him for his invention of the internet, without which we’d be unable to
Comment by Paul Flood — July 28, 2008 @ 2:39 pm
Hit the wrong button and posted by accident.
…we’d be unable to share our opinions!
Comment by Barbara Whitlock — July 28, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
Clayton,
Your articles are fantastic. Check out helium.com, and get some double benefits from your writing as well as more exposure.
Comment by greg — July 28, 2008 @ 2:58 pm
OK, I’m not a scientist (armature one) but I know some scientists who say that global warming is a hoax and that carbon dioxide increases are good for the planet. They say so at their own peril, kind of like Galileo and other scientists emerging out of the Dark Ages (in our day known as the Dummycrap Ages).
When we are not prepaired is when we fear. Be prepaired. Thanks Clayton.
Comment by Chris Lake — July 28, 2008 @ 3:04 pm
Great post, as always.
We should also note that closely related to fear is guilt. "What will you do if the Dow drops below 10,000? What will you leave for your children? How will you feel after you raid Tom and Mary’s college savings accounts just to pay the mortgage?" (Both fear and guilt combined there….)
The Total Package is the top reason I love Mondays.
Chris
Comment by Clarke Echols -- A real scientist... — July 28, 2008 @ 3:06 pm
OK, Clayton – you really opened it up this time…
I am a scientist. My undergrad degree includes an extended major in physics. And a minor in mathematics. I also went through all of the required class for a masters degree in electrical engineering. My grad-school math courses would make my undergrad an extended major too. My career includes 30 years of corporate employment as a professional.
I’ve studied calculus, differential equations, partial differential equation, complex variables, advanced engineering math, and engineering statistics. I started programming computers nearly 40 years ago. I was licensed by my state as a registered professional engineer in 1980.
I also know a lot of scientists – some known and respected world-wide. Al Gore is no scientist.
One of my engineering profs defined engineering as "the art of knowing *how* to avoid difficult issues" – a very good definition, by the way. He also said if you want to test a theory without a lot of trouble, start by taking it to an extreme: zero or infinity.
Thomas A. Edison, another famous scientist and inventor accurately observed: "Five percent of the people actually think. Ten percent think they think. And the other eighty-five percent would rather *die* than think."
You now have all the technical skill you need to solve the global warming problem, provided you have a lick of common sense to start with…
Take a clear plastic pipe 100 inches long, sealed at one end and open at the other. Stand it on end,
open end up. Each inch of that pipe represents 1% of the earth’s atmosphere.
Suppose you could convert the entire earth’s atmosphere into liquid form with a volume that would exactly fill that entire pipe. All water vapor has been removed from the air. The air is
completely dry and clean.
Put it in a large beaker or other container and pour it into the pipe so the pipe is 100% exactly full.
Now we’re going to magically separate each gas out and isolate it from the others, and put it in a series of layers from bottom to top. Here’s how it turns out:
The bottom 78 inches (6-1/2 feet) of the pipe is Nitrogen (78%).
The next 21 inches is Oxygen (21%).
78 + 21 = 99% – therefore the air is 99% nitrogen and oxygen and 1% everything else (1 inch).
Of that 1 inch that’s left, 7/8 of one percent is Argon (7/8 inch).
That leaves 1/8 inch for everything except nitrogen, oxygen, and argon.
The ***TOTAL*** carbon dioxide in the air is 0.0375% at the present time, according to
the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in Boulder, CO.
That means just over 1/32 of an inch for *ALL* carbon dioxide in the air. BUT
Man is responsible for 2.75% of all CO2 in the air. That means you want 2.75% of just over 1/32 of an inch, which is close to 0.001 inch – about 1/3 the diameter of a typical human hair. In other words, all of the human-caused carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, world-wide, is equivalent to one one-thousandth of a measly little inch out of ***8-1/3 FEET*** of air.
That is roughly equivalent to a *pop can* out of a 10,000-gallon 18-wheeler tanker truck hauling ethanol to a refinery somewhere to mix with gasoline.
Now use common sense: There is no way that can have even a miniscule (I’m sure all readers
of this blog know what that means) effect on global climate.
"BUT," – some say – "WHAT ABOUT METHANE!!!"
Methane is only about half as much as man-made CO2. It’s also a don’t care.
But it gets worse! About this ethanol garbage…
If you need to fill up your car with 20 gallons of gas, you can use 18 gallons of pure, petroleum-only, straight *gasoline*. Or you can fill it with 20 gallons of fuel that is 10% ethanol. But guess what…
Your car will travel ***FARTHER*** on 18 gallons of gasoline than on 20 gallons of 10% ethanol/gasoline blend. Which means you burn more petroleum with ethanol than without.
Which makes us *MORE* dependent on foreign oil.
So what’s going on? It’s the ethanol subsidy paid by Uncle Sam to ethanol producers. The Archer Daniels Midland and other huge agri- and chemical companies who make the stuff. The "benefit" to farmers is a lot less than even the farmers suspect. But some of them are being stupid too.
[BTW, I grew up on a farm.]
It takes 170% of the energy you get from a gallon of ethanol to manufacture and produce that same gallon of ethanol. That’s like going into a bank and putting $1.70 on the counter and asking
the teller to give you a dollar back. Banks will do that all day long if you like that approach to solving the energy problem.
As for AlBore inventing the internet, what he really said in a CNN interview was:
"I led the initiative in the creation of the internet." The "information super-highway"
was a buzz word invented by the Clinton campaign in the 1990s. I was perssonally
already using the internet in 1986. AlBore was sworn in in Congress in 1977 (lots of
"in"s in that sentence). The actual internet was invented before that. AlBore is a LIAR.
And Clayton, your mother is too kind. These clowns are mortal. They will die. There
is a God in Heaven who will judge them for their actions and he has no use for liars. The
"global warming" he should be concerned about is more commonly described in terms of
"fire and brimstone". :-) [Hey, I have to keep my sense of humor while these idiots make
fools of themselves.]
Follow the money. I have a copy of the contract between AlBore’s booking agency and a
California university. The contract states that the contents are not to be divulged to anyone, period. But California law makes it a public record since the university is a public entity.
He gets $100,000 every time he gives that global warming speech. And no opposing views are allowed on the premises, and no press conferences are allowed. He gets reimbursed for the price of first-class air fare on an airline of his choosing (higher than private planes). I figure he pockets
well on the north side of $100K every time. That puts a lot of long-green in his pocket, which he needs to finance that fancy house and other amenities.
Not bad for somebody who, in my opinion, is far too stupid to survive in the real world at a real job or legitimate occupation…
As for your mother’s description involving the bedpan, again, she’s far too kind. I grew up on a farm, so I’m less tender-eared. In the interest of social grace, something I’m not always noted for, I’ll opt to use my "vernacular": Global warming and the stuff spewing from its advocates (including the bozos who take the back door out and call it man-made climate change) is a big, brown pile of semi-solid matter commonly known as barnyard solid waste of the male bovine variety spewing forth from the mouths of illegitimate offspring of something far worse than an ugly female dog.
"Global warming", if it exists, is easy to cure. Simply drown every proponent of the theory, starting with Wierd Al (not Yankovich). The reduction in hot air spewing from their uncontrolled pie holes would put us in an ice age, post haste.
But if you want something to really worry about, look up the eruption of Krakatoa in 535 AD (I think). It caused an entire ice age (web site on the subject at Los Alamos National Labs). The eruption of Mt Tambora in Indonesia on 10 April 1815 caused world-wide crop failures and mass starvation in some areas the following year (called "the year of no summer" – look it up). The computer "models" used to predict "global warming" do not include volcanic activity in their calculations.
It’s all about money and has nothing to do with concern for the planet. In Congress, it’s about
money and power and control of citizens’ lives. The environmental movement is the same way.
A few pulling the strings of huge numbers of useful idiots who "feel" instead of thinking their
way through life.
Now don’t anybody go getting the idea I’m outspoken or opinionated (and my wife’s not stubborn). It comes from earning your bars before you can call yourself a geezer. (Sorry
]
Clayton, you’re still too young). It comes from raising nine kids and being married to the same woman for 42 years and counting… [That’s been a real experience – for her…
And now I’m wading through that big box called "The Ultimate Desktop Copy Coach".
What a treasure!
Clarke
Comment by Sir Thankcelot — July 28, 2008 @ 3:07 pm
Youre a copywriter selling copywriting techniques? Interesting, but piramid-scham-likish, don’t you think? But congratulations on the entourage, that’s definitely a phenomenon…
Comment by Andre Palko — July 28, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
Amen Brother…for the straight scoop on marketing
and all the rest!
Great Monday afternoon relief.
Andre
Comment by Sarah clachar — July 28, 2008 @ 3:15 pm
Clayton,
Even with my environmental leanings, I am wholeheartedly in agreement with you about the global warming issue - not enough clear proof. And I think this is the other half of this marketing lesson you needed to emphasize!
Fear is a great motivator - I use it in my health promotions. But as Tony noted in your new product, fear doesn’t do much if you don’t believe the messenger. To make it work its best, better than a shortterm scare, you need to establish your credibility for raising the alarm.
And then carefully substantiate your argument that there’s a threat with rock-solid proof from credible sources.
Otherwise you become like the boy who cried wolf. You may get someone to come running the first time, but the second time or third time around, they will dismiss you. And as always, it’s the longterm customer you want.
Finally, there’s another problem I have with the global warming alarm both as a health/environment advocate and as a copywriter/marketer. If you focus too much on an issue like this and get everyone motivated to take action - and then your case falls short, you also may be pushing other more critical and alarming issues offstage. When I hear this global warming alarm, I get so angry that the rock solid reasons for reducing carbon output and oil consumption - air quality, asthma rates, water pollution, foreign dependency, etc. - get lost and probably will never get a good audience. Especially after everyone who got all excited about global warming finds that they’re chasing a red herring. What kind of attention will they have for the substantial and substantiated environmental and geopolitical issues?
Sarah Clachar
Health Copywriter
Comment by Peter Black — July 28, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
Well, Clayton, fabulous writing as always. It’s just fun to read you.Fear does sell…sometimes. But you have to be talking about something folks are ALREADY afraid of, and not something they SHOULD be afraid of.Sometimes the fear gambit causes cognitive dissonance. You paint a scary picture, and it’s so scary, folks don’t want to think about it…or your solution.We faced this problem back when we were selling death and disability insurance. Folks just didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing three limbs in a car accident and not being able to support their families. They’d driven for forty years without an accident and were happy to believe that the next 40 would follow suit.Two points about tree hugging–One, I own a Prius and it’s a great car. Very roomy for a car its size. My next door neighbor got rid of her van and packs all of her kids and their sports equipment into the Prius just fine. It is NOT as fast as a Porsche, true. Did you EXPECT it to be? And who doesn’t like saving money at the pump? Every other week, I give some unused gas back to my local gas station which runs a sort of "hand me down" reserve for Hummer and SUV drivers who can no longer afford to fill up…and can’t find buyers for their cars. Sometimes the station owner can’t accept my donation because the gas has sat in my tank so long, it’s actually gone bad! Can you believe it? But I always stop in every week and try to give back to help others.Two, claims for global warming don’t rest on Al’s and Ted’s assertions. Many hundreds of scientists with no ties to Al or Ted have done a lot of work proving the point. This doesn’t mean the earth doesn’t have natural heating and cooling cycles; it does. But human activity has most definitely exacerbated the heating side.
Comment by Peter Black — July 28, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
Sorry for that LONG block of type. I can’t seem to create paragraphs in this program.
Comment by Bob Freeman — July 28, 2008 @ 3:20 pm
Clayton,
This was a hilarious post! It is so sad to see people be fearful of everything and then want to conform like everyone else.
People have so little courage anymore.
Comment by Tom Lakutis — July 28, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
Clayton,
Great post!
Want to be president?
Hell I’d vote for you in a heart beat. I’d bet you could even come up with a vision for the country, something the two baffons we have running now haven’t been able to do.
Tom
Comment by Dwayne — July 28, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
Clayton,
This was freaking hilarious man, extra funny. Being that I consume so much marketing information daily, it was great to get some humor along with a VERY good lesson.
I’m gonna be selling investment properties as a realtor soon & I’ve been studying some of your investment pieces. And I can see you practice what you preach.
Just wanted to say that the value you provide is A-1 and I seriously really appreciate it. Especially coming from a busy world-class copywriter like you.
Your free posts are worth more than most CRAP IN A BOX courses I’ve paid for. I sincerely thank you. Keep it comin’.
Dwayne
Comment by Brian Duvall — July 28, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
HA!
Love the article. Funny. Fast. Flowing. Great stuff.
I love how you wrap dry, educational content in the sweet, cream filled twinkie of humor and sarcasm.
So easy to read. I feel like you are right there talking to me.
Way to go, Clayton!
Cheers,
Comment by Brian Duvall — July 28, 2008 @ 3:31 pm
Just a follow-up on the car issue… Check out Tesla Motors. If you want an eco-friendly car WITH muscle and just aren’t getting the rush you want from the Prius… just google the Tesla. SWEET!
I want one… BAD.
Fully electric, no gas. 180 mph top speed and 300 mile range. Convertable available. Looks like an Italian sports car. Pure sex appeal for the energy conscious driver.
Brian
Comment by John C. Babin — July 28, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
What’s one thing marketers should know about fear?
Work hard to take fear out of the buying process. Can you remove fear from your prospect when it’s time for him to take action(purchase)?
You’ll get higher conversions!
P.S. My Grandpa always told me to never trust a politician. I never did. And thats why I don’t have all this pent up anger and aggression towards those shady jackasses.
Sounds to me like Clayton needs counseling….
Or is it just good ol’ emotion driven copy? Hmmm.
Comment by Christine Fuller — July 28, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
Clayton,
I’m thinking you would be about the funnest person on the planet to get drunk with. Hilarious!
Comment by Bill H — July 28, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
I heard that Mr. Gore has recently dabbled in carbon ETFs. So now when his "reduce the CO2 emissions rant" becomes law he is going to clean up in $$$$. This is all about making money - the greens are going after green - our green dollars. Meanwhile Japan has built 14 coal plants that are state of the art (remember -Japan has no natural resources). Yet the US has over 60% of the world’s coal resources and we can’t build a plant because of the boogey man Mr. Carbon Footprint!! The whole affair is sordid to say the least.
Comment by Philip Davis — July 28, 2008 @ 4:26 pm
Thank you for buying a Prius…
It may not be cheaper in the long run but if we all did so there might be a reason to build more solar power generation and stop drilling holes everywhere they can think of. And solar is where it’s at or where it’s going to be down the road. It’s free and cleaner but…
In the end we’re all going to die anyway. The earth has survived many ice ages, probably dozens of asteroid hits, untold numbers of earthquakes, volcano eruptions and such. And it is still here. Why is it we all think humans are forever? The dinosaurs probably thought so too…
But the best of all is your marketing lesson and it wasn’t wasted on me, thank you!
Phil
Comment by Sheila Crosby — July 28, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
I notice a certain lack of science in this post.
Damn right the politicians use fear to try to control us, but that doesn’t mean they’re automatically wrong.
Damn right Al Gore lies and lies. Someone who tells more lies? George Bush (Gee where ARE those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction?). Who loses out if people switch stuff off when they’re not using it? Only the oil companies. Most of Bush’s campaign funds came from those same oil companies. In the USA, the government climate scientists were forbidden to talk to the press for years, except for a short list of ones who agreed with the party line that global warming wasn’t happening. It’s perfectly normal for politicians to give a megaphone to scientists who agree with them. It’s not normal to gag the rest.
The ice caps are melting even faster than the gloomiest predictions of ten years ago. The storms are getting worse. It’s not changes in the sun, it’s not CO2 coming out of the glaciers. There’s a 95% chance it’s us, and we don’t know whether it’ll hit a point where it will snowball beyond fixing. So we’re driving down the freeway blindfold, and you’re dead against hitting the brakes. Just how much of a chance of killing my kids and yours do you need before you decide it’s less hassle to flip a few switches?
Stick to copywriting. You’re brilliant at it. Or have you been hired by the oil companies to convince us that 2+2=3/4?
Comment by Cris — July 28, 2008 @ 4:32 pm
LOVE it Clayton! You hit the nail on the head again.
Your 2nd career could be political commentator
And Phillip, Prius’s are fabulous cars. I’ve had one since 2001. I’ve probably saved more than the sticker price in gas over the years.
Comment by Alastair Moodie — July 28, 2008 @ 5:29 pm
Clayton - I am British, I am shocked by your ignorance, spite and cynicism. You are also paranoid if you believe that international concerns about global warming are some kind of conspiracy. These concerns are based on solid science.
Don’t you know that oil is a fossil fuel that is a finite mineral? Probably sooner than later the world’s reserves will be exhausted. The price is going up because demand will soon outstrip supply with the growing industrialisation of huge countries such as China and India.
Biofuels are not the answer. In fact using food crops for fuel is a disastrous policy that is causing soaring food prices. As usual the poor suffer most.
So wake up, America. Your ignorant attitudes and your over-consumption of the world’s limited resources are very unpopular with the international community. I really hope you care about that.
Alastair Moodie
Comment by Scott — July 28, 2008 @ 5:47 pm
Does this mean the Mogambo Guru is full of crap, too? Of course, he’s not just a scary fear-monger; he’s intentionally humorous.
How about the sletter in the AWAI course that said something like,
"What If These Were Your Shoes?"
(aint no feets inside of ‘em, dey be emtee!!!!)
I think it was for insurance or something.
Comment by Sylvia — July 28, 2008 @ 6:28 pm
Well Mr. Makepeace, I would not presume to give one such as yourself advice. But I concur that a great deal of the ‘Global Warming’ panic is in great part a propaganda ploy, an instrument of control, a means of influence. But it would be difficult to deny that pollution is a problem. I’m sure you wouldn’t stroll your child or grand child behind an exhaust pipe of a vehicle as it is running on gas or diesel. And as a Capitalist I’m you appreciate innovations in technology that can help consumers live more cleanly and with more ease, and that you would disapprove of the suppression of such technologies by big ‘players’, as that only limits our choices and makes our blessed Free Market less than free.
Well, all that said, I’d just say, consider Ron Paul. Fiscally and politically conservative, a champion of the free market, and has never been invited to the Bilderbergers, Bohemian Grove, is not a member of the nefarious TriLateral Commission or other such gatherings, and is a devout Christian and a non-waffling straight shooter (how rare).
And then, thanks for all the help with copy writing help I’ve gotten (not for this post, but with my websites) and all the great service and information you provide.
Comment by Bruce Porter Sr — July 28, 2008 @ 6:29 pm
I agree with all of the above and have been saying it for years, except for that scientific stuff. A brainiac I’m not.
Can’t do copywriting, takes far to much creativity, I take the long ads and look at the headlines then go to the bottom line, so on one of your beautiful 24 pagers I maybe read one page, too much of hype.
I have done some content writing for websites, and rewrites. Usually when I do a rewrite it gets cut by 75 % or more. Can’t stand the redundancy. Say what you have to say and move on.
While serving in the Army one of my favorite efficiency reports stated "Captain Porter is direct, blunt, and to the point, I can always count on him for his honest opinion."
However, as to Gore’s intelligence, hey, based on his bank account I’d say he’s a genius. And folks said that Slick Willie was a big liar. Gore has him beat by miles! And is cashing in like he’s a one man IRS.
I love to read your stuff, it is very hard to find like minded, heck, people with minds at all, to converse with.
God bless,
Bruce
Comment by Clayton Makepeace — July 28, 2008 @ 6:55 pm
Wow. Great posts!
And we’ve got some from people who’ve bought into the fear AS WELL AS many who see right through it.
See the power of fear? Once you embrace it, you actually GET ANGRY when anyone challenges your right to be afraid!
Is fear powerful or what???
Oh – and Alastaire? You make an excellent point. Supplies of fossil fuels are limited and demand is skyrocketing. So naturally the price will continue to rise. And naturally, we will eventually begin using less. And naturally, we will have no choice but to turn to alternatives.
That’s how the markets work; how human economy evolves. And so it’s inevitable that our migration from fossil to other fuels will happen whether or not Al, Ted and these other gasbags continue to try to scare us into compliance.
Now, call me “ignorant” or “cynical” if you like, but to my way of thinking, anyone who believes that six billion people will voluntarily accept a diminished quality of life today – just to save the polar ice cap in the years to come – is living in a fool’s paradise.
That’s simply not how human nature works. When it comes down to making the choice between a more enjoyable, more comfortable life today and avoiding a potential threat a year or ten or twenty from now, we inevitably opt for instant gratification.
I mean – despite mountains of evidence that cigarettes will eventually kill you – why else do you think that there are still hundreds of millions of smokers?
Despite rock-solid proof that unprotected sex can lead to AIDS, why do so many still refuse to use condoms?
The answer: In the human animal, immediate gratification always trumps distant concerns. (Another important marketing lesson, no?)
But of course, none of this supply/demand story has anything at all to do with massive, multi-century termperature trends.
Finally, try to think through this logically. In order to get me to change my lifestyle to prevent global warming, you first have to …
1. Prove that global warming is actually happening – not just over the past decade or three but over the last century or more …
2. Then, you’ll have prove that it’s man-made and not a natural part of Earth’s normal temperature cycle – by proving that any temperature changes we’re seeing now are unprecedented; never happened before the invention of the internal combustion engine …
3. Then, you’ll have to prove that it is within our power to reverse it …
4. And finally, you’ll have to prove that those of us in developed countries could even make a dent in global warming while three billion new consumers in emerging economies are burning carbon fuels like there’s no tomorrow.
That’s going to be a tough one for you, my friend: Frankly, three billion folks in China, India and the former Soviet states couldn’t care less about global warming – so long as they get their new cars, apartments and cell phones.
Don’t forget: There are ten times more of them than there are of us “ugly Americans” – and their economies are growing up to nine times faster than ours is. I just read that China alone is putting one million new cars on the road every week!
Nevertheless, if you can prove all that, you’ve got me.
Otherwise, I’m going to leave the Prius in the driveway, fire up the 911TT and go tear-assing up to Deal’s Gap.
Cheers, y’all!
P.S. One more thing, Alastair: No, neither I nor millions of my countrymen and women (at least the ones I care to hang with) could care less about being "popular" with the world community. After all – does the global community care what we think about IT?
This ain’t a popularity contest, my friend … it’s about thinking instead of recoiling in horror simply because someone yelled “Boo!”
And if you think this is an “American” thing, I’d suggest you read your countryman Drayton Bird – David Ogilvy’s former partner – who, like me believes that global warming is a crock.
Comment by Stan Scott — July 28, 2008 @ 7:12 pm
Clayton,
Great copywriting! Easy to read and it pulls you through.
As for the GW scare, 31,000 scientists (not politicians) have bounced out of their labs to say it’s a load of horse kadoodle.
Comment by Francisco — July 28, 2008 @ 7:45 pm
Clayton, this is one of the most inteligent articles I´ve ever read in my life. It is sad that humans are still moved by fear more than anything else but it is what it is. Besides that, I think we should take care of our home, the earth, because it is just simple comon sense.
Francisco
Comment by graham — July 29, 2008 @ 12:03 am
hilarious. great rant. He has a great point though. throughout the ages someone has always touted bad news and given the world something to worry about. So keep a sound mind and turn off the idiot box and work on those personal relationships.
Comment by Bob F. — July 29, 2008 @ 12:19 am
Great post Clayton. Boy, when you get a burr in your shorts, you really come alive. But, if you can’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. I loved your lesson about fear. On one of the news letters that I was putting out for a person in debt elimination, I was thinking about using the same thing they use on pillows. "DO NOT THROW AWAY UNDER PENALTY OF LAW," but thought better. Bob
Comment by Dave Martin — July 29, 2008 @ 12:46 am
Eight years of living with the Clintons is bound to turn anyone into a narcissistic sociopath devoid of a conscience, a soul, or the ability to produce a reflection in the mirror. (Not that they were, like, "bad people" or anything).
Comment by Rick Rakauskas — July 29, 2008 @ 1:06 am
Being a dry and cynical Australian (from the driest continent on earth) I reckon this has to be one of the best posts in a long time.
Cool comments too…
Talking of liars, the Government here is in a panic because nobody under 30 is bothering to register to vote (voting is compulsory BTW).
Eveybody in that age group I talk to complains politicians can’t be trusted and "what’s the use of voting they never do what they say they are going to do anyway"…
Our left leaning labor government is about to foist carbon trading on us, another disguised tax of course, which will "eliminate 60,000 jobs but it is for the common good" and - this is a doozy - if we do this then other countries will too because Australia is "leading by example"…
So our politicians will destroy our economy before any "global warming" has a chance to…
I have no more tears to weep…
Now can anyone tell me how to scare the weight off baby boomer women so they get an instant fix?
Cheers
Rick Rakauskas
Comment by Alpine Naboo — July 29, 2008 @ 1:06 am
Love means never for the tiniest moment you ever concocted an action meant to hurt your loved one. If there had been UNintended effects, you should not slap your head too hard … Don’t say you’re sorry. Be sorry. Make amends, get over it, AND make your loved one happy again.
Moreover, CLOWNS get attention. Serious dudettes don’t.
Global warming is REAL. Doesn’t matter which clown is promoting it.
Disappearing northic land mass, rising ocean levels, etc…
Carbon dioxide is toxic beyond a certain fixed level.
Doesn’t matter how tiny a space it’s occupying.
Think of it as a close cousin of carbon monoxide. Btw,…
How much percentage of an atmospheric nerve gas is needed
to wipe out humans?
You really think the gas price hike is due to lack of refineries, lack of supply?
Then you have conveniently forgotten all the invisible
population back stabbing machinations of your
Congress and Federal Reserve.
The almighty American Dollar is long overdue for a
HARD Devaluation.
Along with it, the whole world will suffer.
Gas price hike is the first mover…
Runaway inflation could be hot on the heels.
Damn the eco-nuts, or damn the Politicians?
Love Sheila Crosby, Peter Black and Alistair Moodie.
Only 3 out of a pack of wild Claytonians.
And not saving the polar ice caps is equivalent
to condoning rising sea levels, freakish carbon dioxide
induced storms and tidal floods that knock off coastal cities…
Instant gratification or not, No sane hardcore capitalists
will evade potential serious threats of such epic proportions,
and pooh pooh them as simply clown originated.
Life is more than marketing. More than catering to
instant gratifications.
1. How to prove Global Warming has started to happen
since the last century? It’s like cancer. You cannot prove
its beginnings. But when it erupts, there’s no denying it.
2. Do we have proof that we’re causing it? How about
indirect proofs of sea pollutions, smog filled cities, as
testaments to what indirect effects humans are capable of.
The impact of the growth of human activities since the
invention of internal combustion engine, on our
environment, on our weather changes, has been
unprecedented, and unmeasured, and unchecked.
We could at least reflect on ourselves, and see if
we had not inadvertantly affected Mother Earth
in any unwholesome fashion, if we have any love
for her at all.
Then if we had wronged her, we don’t just say "I’m sorry".
We have a lot to DO to prove we ARE sorry.
Don’t just think of carbon footprints as coming from gas
guzzling road vehicles.
Think of mass deforestations.
This massive escalating century old activity perhaps
has a more prominent role in unbalancing atmospheric
CO2 levels than anything else man-made.
More than we realised, this human activity contributes more
to freakish weathers whacking down on slopey soils
and high sea waters.
Then don’t be surprised when we
start getting more New Orleans incidents.
3. If it’s not in our power to reverse it, we could at
least stop adding to it.
4. It’s like we’re consuming papers like there’s no
tomorrow. It’s not just developing countries who
should take the guilt. It’s the entire species. So
it’s our problem.
Do we wait for the lowest common denominator
to wake up before the enlightened few
could start to take corrective actions?
Alpine Naboo
Comment by Gryphon — July 29, 2008 @ 1:28 am
As a point of interest…
Global Warming is not caused by a rise in CO2 levels, rather, higher CO2 levels are caused by a warmer temperature. This is easy to see when Mr. Gore shows us the graphs in his movie. The first line to rise is the temperature, the second is the CO2. Those of you who are capable of reading those kinds of graphs (and that includes most business managers) should go and rent the movie, and examine the graphs for yourselves.
My point here is to be very careful as to what you are using when you are trying to create your sense of fear or foreboding, it might come back to haunt you one day.
Comment by simon — July 29, 2008 @ 3:37 am
Sorry guys but this is all b******t. Don’t any of you realise the lake of oil we all sit on is going to run out one day, ok so you’ll all be fine driving nice big but completely unecesary SUV’s but what about future generations, shall we just let it run out and THEN decide what we need to do instead. What do you think is going to happen when one country has something another wants, it wont be pretty. And Clarke, to respond to you (no I’m not a scientist) but I am an observer. If post industrial man is not responsible for the accelerating changes occuring why are we seeing the shifts we are at the rate it is happening. we as a species lived in relative harmony with nature for millenia, in the last 300 years we have drastically increased our footprint on the planet and we categorically are seeing the results of it.
wake up America (I’m a brit) Forget Mr G, what about the lying chimpanzee in the white house, if he is more than a puppet and stooge for the people with the money i’d be surprised. if you wnat to make a change, elect someone who cares and has mission in his life apart from to keep making profits for his contributors!
there, rant over, have a nice day, keep burning your fossil fuels and lets hope the next species to come along isnt as stupid and self serving as we are!
Comment by Clayton Makepeace — July 29, 2008 @ 6:38 am
Whoa, Simon! Take a Prozac, man! Chill out … you could give yourself a heart attack!
None of this is about the fact of declining oil supplies. It’s about how you can convince people to do pretty much anything you want if you get them scared enough.
… Which you, evidentally, are.
– Clayton
Comment by Shel Horowitz — July 29, 2008 @ 8:12 am
Clayton, that was great fun. And not only is it true that Gore’s personal lifestyle is very un-eco-friendly, but an even bigger irony is that GWB lives in a low-e solar house. I blogged about this here: http://principledprofit.com/good-business-blog/the-secret-life-of-gwb-closet-environmentalist/2007/03/28/
But just because you don’t trust this particular messenger (and frankly, I don’t either, and didn’t vote for him even though I’m a Democrat) is no reason to discount the global heating problem. I have listened to a lot of scientists who I *do* trust, and not only am I convinced that there’s a serious problem, but that the consequences if they happen to be right are severe and irreversible. If, against the vast majority of scientific opinions, they turn out to be wrong, all we get is a cleaner planet, fewer lung diseases, etc., and no drop in lifestyle either way, if we do it right. So it seems to me that moving toward nonpolluting, not-dependent-on-foreign-sources, renewable energy from solar and wind is a good choice either way.
Couple of good resources:
http://www.frugalmarketing.com/dtb/amorylovins.shtml (futurist Amory Lovins on how to get to sustainable energy while keeping our current lifestyles)
http://www.frugalfun.com/solarfest.html (report on a solar how-to convention a few years back)
http://www.frugalmarketing.com/dtb/bioneers-by-the-bay2.shtml#holdren (John Holdren on the potentially devastating effects of global warming)
Comment by Bob Harmon — July 29, 2008 @ 8:36 am
As an aside, we can say higher CO2 levels are caused by
incessant deforestations.
Where do you think the resident CO2 goes to, when they
could have been absorbed by the fallen trees. There goes
the sharp spike in CO2 whenever a whole plot of land
lays savaged.
So what actually caused the warmer temperature, if notthe suspect CO2?
Solar flares, northern light magnetic fluctuations, or
solar proximity of Earth’s minute-pace inward-spiralling
elliptical orbit???
Comment by Sheila Crosby — July 29, 2008 @ 8:55 am
The governments are using fear of Al Qaeda to diminish civil liberties. Does this mean that Al Qaeda don’t exist? Come to that, my mother instilled in me a fear of crossing busy highways with my eyes shut, in order to control my behaviour. Does that mean I should go ahead and dash out onto the freeway?
Surely the point is to sort out which dangers are real, which are exaggerated, and which are false.
When it comes to global warming, the climate experts aren’t the only ones using fear. The cost of cutting carbon emissions is greatly exaggerated in order to cause fear.
When scientists started saying that cigarettes caused cancer, they were accused of scaremongering - mostly by the tobacco companies, who wanted to protect their profits. "Controlling by fear" or not, they were right.
Exxon recently posted a $40.6 billion profit, Chevron a $18.7, and Royal Dutch Shell reported $31 billion profit. That’s over 90 billion reasons to lie.
Comment by Jeremy Reeves — July 29, 2008 @ 10:19 am
As for comment #1 - how can you say that..I love polar bears!
The perfect balance between power and speed - what else can you ask for lol.
Anyway, awesome post Clayton - Al is definitely a wacko and a HUGE hypocrite. He doesn’t deserve that gigantic mansion!
I just hope he sees this post…
Jeremy Reeves
http://www.controlbeatingcopy.com
Comment by Caleb Osborne — July 29, 2008 @ 10:51 am
Haha @ comment 49 Clayton!
See comment 49 copywriting students?
That’s the equivalent to saying…
"Free Fast Response Bonus:"
… just when your prospect is tapping her fingers… shuffling her feet and squirming in her chair because she’s "on the fence" about purchasing.
Later
Caleb
P.S. And to whoever posted comment 19… WTF? Are you SERIOUS? Whatever you’re smoking – I want some. Price is no issue.
Comment by Adam — July 29, 2008 @ 12:55 pm
Caleb, got to agree about post 19 – the guy must be smoking cow dung me thinks. It has that distinct smell about it.
Clayton, I’m a Brit but I agree with everything you say. So I’ll apologize for some of the verbal doo-doo my fellow Brits are spewing forth.
Sorry dude.
Comment by Todd — July 29, 2008 @ 1:53 pm
Sorry Everyone… but I have to laugh at a good majority of you.
For over 5 years I travelled all over the world consulting with the 13 largest oil companies in the world. And, I’ve seen first-hand in closed door, security enabled 3-D modeling rooms the quantity and location of the oil available - today. And, your smokin’ some pretty good ganja if you think were even close to tapping out earths oil supply.
So before you start spouting off about ‘what you know’ - read at least a little research or maybe peruse something a little different than the NY Times or Washington Post to get your ‘facts’ (oops I think I just vomited…)
If you can name me an industry that collectively houses more brilliant minds than Energy… I’ll eat my laptop. I won’t hold my breath though…
FYI - for all of you so called environmentally friendly peeps out there. The oil that washed ashore on California’s coast alone last year was caused by:
.8% off shore drilling…
16% cars and other transportation…
83% plus by the natural seepage by good ‘ol mother earth…
So next time your cleaning off the oil from the baby seal pup - don’t raise your middle finger and turn it towards Shell or Chevron. Spin a 360 and swear away at Mother Earth. She’s your culprit.
Hmmmm…. maybe off-shore drilling ain’t all that bad after all!
- Todd
Comment by Gary Long — July 29, 2008 @ 3:29 pm
Hi Clayton!
Was this a joke or are you really some type of right-wing nutcase?
Comment by Clayton Makepeace — July 29, 2008 @ 3:37 pm
Yeh … post #19 – Sir Thankcelot. Great observation.
Not really like a pyramid scheme, though …
More like being CEO of a company during the day, then teaching an MBA program at night.
In a world filled with teachers who have never "done" in their lives, it’s kinda refreshing when someone who actually does decides to teach. Dontcha think?
Comment by Cathy Sutter — July 29, 2008 @ 3:38 pm
Regarding comment #1…I love polar bears too, but then again, I’m an animal lover.
Al Gore is a hypocrite, to say the least. He’s made over $100 Million between just the book and the movie. But as mentioned above, lives in a mansion with electric bills that marvel Las Vegas hotels! And yes, flies everywhere in his private jet.
Not only that, but what really irks me is the fact that he is chewing on steaks and all the other red meats all the time. The majority of greenhouse gases are produced by slaughterhouses. This is a fact that hardly anyone mentions, and it’s certainly not talked about by Gore himself.
So shoot me…I’m a vegetarian. That does not make me a bad person. My love of animals led me to this way of life. It was only after I saw the horrific methods of abuse, torture, and slaughter of frightened animals that I began to learn so much more about the entire process. Ergo…the waste goes, uh, where do you think? Into our ground water, into the air, all over the damn place. Enough said…
Clayton, I thoroughly enjoyed your tirade, funny as hell…and I’ll have to say also you would be a riot to get drunk with!
Cathy
Comment by Clayton Makepeace — July 29, 2008 @ 3:39 pm
Oh – and to answer your question, Gary Long: No, I’m NOT a Republican nutcase.
I’m a libertarian nutcase. Hope that helps.
Comment by Clayton Makepeace — July 29, 2008 @ 4:07 pm
Hi, Cathy Sutter … well said!
And the second lady this week who thinks she’d like to get drunk with me. Great week for yours truly!
BTW: I love animals, too – especially with a little A1 Sauce on them.
Just kidding.
Actually, I hate A1 Sauce.
But two months ago, Wendy and I went back to our old vegetarian ways just because it’s healthier and, well, frankly, every vegetarian I know is skinny.
Plus, this way, there’s more for Al.
Which got me thinking …
You know those pictures from out West where people find a giant dinosaur footprint, then put their own foot in there and then mug for the camera?
Here’s a simile for you: That dinosaur footprint is like Al’s carbon footprint. Compared to him, we’re all a bunch of little kids who could bathe our entire bodies in it when it rains.
And yet he has the unmitigated gall to lecture US?
In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, "What a maroon …"
– Clayton
Comment by Cathy Sutter — July 29, 2008 @ 4:48 pm
Clayton…sorry to burst your bubble. I’m a vegetarian but not skinny. Boo Hoo…probably because more than a year ago (5/13/07 to be exact), I became a nonsmoker. Damn it…it really does change your metabolism. (I have to believe that one.) Plus the fact that I’m getting older, grrrr…..
It really is healthier though, being a veggie…(I think)
Oh, and I’m pretty much a libertarian (nutcase) too.
Comment by Clarke Echols, resident scientist — July 29, 2008 @ 5:49 pm
Todd (post 55) is spot-on.
Several comments are based on false information. I will itemize some:
Carbon dioxide is not poisonous. Carbon monoxide is because when it gets into the lungs and the bloodstream, it scanvenges oxygen from red blood cells and creates havoc.
EVERYBODY BURN THIS INTO YOUR BRAIN:
97% of the carbon dioxide in the air comes from the earth itself and has absolutely NOTHING to do with human activity.
Another inconvenient fact:
As Todd said, we’re not running out of oil. Why?
Because most of the petroleum deposits we know about have nothing to do with decayed/fossilized plants, dinosaurs, or anything else. That petroleum is produced GEOLOGICALLY by the earth itself on an ongoing basis, and it’s still creating it, just like the carbon dioxide that belches out of volcanoes, comes out of the ocean floor, and yes – it comes out of the ground in the middle of Kansas. And man isn’t causing it.
A petroleum geologist bought my sister’s home a few years ago. He told me there are enough currently *known* petroleum deposits to meet the projectible needs of mankind for at least 400 years. And that was before the discovery of several new, major deposits along the coasts of North and South America and elsewhere nearby.
As for caribou and polar bears, I have pictures of herds of caribou lying about on the ground around the Prudhoe Bay oil facilities, and another of a polar bear walking down the top of the Alaska pipeline.
And the Norwegian government a few days ago reported ice deposits in the extreme North Atlantic along the Norwegian coastline are much heavier than usual and causing some problems. A year ago, Denmark reported the heaviest ice between Greenland (a Danish territory) and Iceland since the early 1900s.
And those of you thinking Clayton is a right-wing nut need to invest some time and effort and get your facts from those who have them instead of listening to the political elites and parasites who profit by manipulating and deceiving the [non-thinking thumb-] suckers who’d rather die than think.
Just because you read it on a left-wing web site, the Daily Kos, or heard it on Air America doesn’t mean it has any truth to it. Just like Obama’s "birth certificate" that showed up on one of those sites and anyone with minimal knowledge of typography can see it’s a blatant forgery.
Oh yeah – for the record, I’m a life-long member of PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals). Statistical data is demonstrating that vegetarians don’t live as long. My half-sister and her husband are in their mid-90s.
Most of my mother’s siblings lasted into their 80s and 90s. All ate tasty animals too – right off the farm.
Comment by Eco Friendly Peep — July 29, 2008 @ 6:17 pm
Is the waste-oil composition found on California’s coast representative of all other oil-smeared coastlines? After all, California is sitting on a seismic fault line, where seepage can be expected to occur more often.
If mother earth were the oil spilling culprit, what accounts for the "fact" that we’re seeing more dirty oily beaches these days where previously in decades past, such were not readily observed? You mean she chose to be less active vomiting oil in those days of abundant pristine beaches?
Eco Friendly Peep
Comment by Cathy Sutter — July 29, 2008 @ 10:57 pm
To Todd, #63…Geez, I didn’t say that vegetarians live longer. Statistical data? Well, I guess it depends on what data you’re looking at. My mother, her mother, my grandfather, aunts, uncles, etc. all lived well over 80, some into their 90s, and they all ate meat. Think it really depends on your genes, dontcha think?
But sorry, I can’t say tasty and animals in the same sentence.
Peace…
Cathy
Comment by Seth Chong — July 30, 2008 @ 5:15 am
Wow…
What an article…
No words to describe the movie you’ve just brought me through.
Comment by Sheila Crosby — July 30, 2008 @ 5:47 am
Clark Echols, I think you slipped the decimal point. Between 600,000 years ago and 1,000 years ago, the CO2 levels swung between 180 and 300 parts per million. Today we have 390 ppm. So that’s something like a 30% increase.
If that doesn’t sound much, a 30% increase in Kelvin temperature would take the equator from about 40ºC (313 K) to 134 ºC (406 K).
Sure the natural CO2 has an effect. It keeps the planet comfortably warm: we’d freeze without it. Remember that the hottest planet isn’t the one closest to the sun (Mercury), but Venus, which has lots and lots of CO2 in the atmosphere.
Comment by Ken — July 30, 2008 @ 7:11 am
Yep I totally agree with Clayton.
This whole global warming nonsense has "Political agenda" written all over it. The people pushing it have two goals:
First, to deprive you of your money. In this case, the goal is to get the UN camel’s nose under the tent by stampeding people into supporting a "carbon tax" that will be used by the UN for …doing what all governments do: Waste money.
Secondly, to deprive you of your liberty. The best way to control people is with fear. A bunch of socialistic chicken littles running around (with a complicit media as a megaphone) will work wonders to scaring the sheeple into giving up any freedom our overlords demand.
I’ve written a bunch of stuff on this at my site http://www.kenstech.com.
Anyway, glad to know you aren’t one of the sheep on this issue Clayton.
Ken
Comment by Alan Stone — July 30, 2008 @ 7:52 am
Ed wrote: I say, screw the polar bears! Who needs them?
Do as you please.
Take care though: it’s rather cold up there. Or is it down there ? :O)
By the same token…
Screw humans (ok we already do that, in some way or another and some more than others)!
Who needs them (from nature’s perspective)?
Clayton wrote: I love animals, too – especially with a little A1 Sauce on them.
Bio-logically speaking, humans are animals too. ;O)
About Al Gore…
Watch out!
He’ll probably very soon come out with his latest invention…
A big bummer-hummer GM running on GG.
Read…
GoreMobile exclusively running on (his own produced) GoreGas.
Would you switch, instead of a Prius ?
By the way…
All the best with the presidential erections in november.
Oops… Is that a typo ?
Cheers from Spain,
Alan
P.S. Them candidates don’t need to wait till november for that… they have them all year round. Even hillarious Hillary.
I wonder how they do that. Do they take some of those blue pills ?
P.P.S. "If the United States of America or Britain is having elections, they don’t ask for observers from Africa or from Asia. But when we have elections, they want observers."
- Nelson Mandela
"Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason."
- Author Unknown
"The problem with political jokes is they get elected."
- Henry Cate, VII
Some more inspiring ones at
http://www.quotegarden.com/election-day.html
Comment by Alpine Naboo — July 30, 2008 @ 2:17 pm
Per our global warming side topic, whether the carbon footprints come from earth itself (volcanoes, ocean floor, middle Kansas, Yellow Stone, Mt. Tambora),
or from human activities (engine emissions, slaughterhouse animals emissions, our eating habits and emissions, or what not, yes including "farming" slaughterhouse animals), …
it behooves us to pay attention that these constant streams of extra CO2 need to be filtered away, as rapidly as they are produced.
What can and have been doing this job with maximum efficiency?
It’s the trees and plants. The rainforests.
And we’re chopping them down like nobody’s business. Oh, it’s definitely somebody’s business. But, as long as it’s in the name of "business," the inalienable and legal right is always there.
Rights to continue pillaging, ravaging and savaging nature’s NUMBER ONE means of regulating our atmospheric balance.
There’s a reason why Mother Earth in its natural state was deemed to be a hospitable place for us earthlings to dwell in.
Disrupt that state severely enough and we’re engineering ourselves right out of existence, eventually…
When the rainforests are gone, and CO2 levels are at all time high, trapped and with no where to go, for they cannot escape into outer space, and cannot be converted into oxygen by the disappearing forests…
our steady, nurturing mother earth, ripped from her natural filtering system, could start morphing into an early Venus double. Another hottie no doubt. And one no human can mess with.
For not many or none, will be around to watch her do a full transformation.
As crazy as this may sound, Mother Earth’s destiny is in our hands. Every one of us.
Here’s a little "fact":
"Rainforests once covered 14% of the earth’s land surface; now they cover a mere 6% and experts estimate that the last remaining rainforests could be consumed in less than 40 years."
Nothing humans can do will raise the CO2 levels in our atmosphere? Thru this single act of organized deforestation, humans can.
So, is our Global Warming man-made? Or made up by Al Grubby?
Alpine Naboo
Comment by Alan Stone — July 30, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
All jokes aside…
Humanity has always made considerable progress thanks to some great thinkers challenging society’s and the establishment’s current predominant beliefs.
I really wouldn’t be surprized this being one of those…
Juan Enriquez: Why can’t we grow new energy?
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/juan_enriquez_wants_to_grow_energy.html
Enjoy,
Alan
P.S. After watching this fascinating presentation I wonder… should Al Gore should be burried alive ?
Comment by Clayton Makepeace — July 30, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
This has been a LOT of fun – but all good things must come to an end … for me, at least.
Tomorrow, our family vacation begins – a leisurely drive from San Francisco to Beverly Hills and all the sights in-between. Wasn’t it thoughtful of Mother Nature to have gotten that earthquake out of the way BEFORE we arrived?
So although I must leave you for a few days, I will promise you this: I will personally check to see if the Pacific is any bigger than last I saw it and report back here.
I doubt I’ll have any big news for you, though. A few weeks ago, I checked the Atlantic, it was right where I had left it a year earlier: Precisely 150 yards from the hotel tiki bar.
To me, watching this thread has been like people watching. I learned a lot from all of you. And I learned to really like all of you – even the global warming believers in the room.
Just a few of my personal observations …
> Believers love to point out that the Arctic ice cap is shrinking.
> Skeptics love to point out that the ANTarctic ice cap is growing.
* Skeptics point out that most scientsts who support global warming are being paid by people who make more money or gain more power if people believe in it.
* Believers just pretend the tens of thousands of scientists who have risked and/or lost their grants and jobs for saying it’s a hoax don’t exist.
> Skeptics seem to offer more evidence to support their position.
> Believers tend to yell, "Global warming is real!!!" a lot.
* Skeptics consider the source; refuse to accept anything that the most notorious exaggerator of our generation says at face value.
* Believers get especially mad and call you names like "ignorant" and "right-wing nutcase" when you slaughter one of their sacred cows.
> Skeptics think that if Al Gore and the other global warming evangelists believed a word they were saying, they’d set a much, MUCH better example.
> Believers seem to think that Al, his Hollywood sychophants, super-rich liberals and elitist politicians and bureaucrats should just continue enjoying their billion-square foot mansions and private jets. It’s the rest of us who must sacrifice.
* Skeptics get mad when anyone tries to scare them.
* Believers get mad when anyone questions their reasons for being afraid.
> Skeptics suspect global warming is an international government conspiracy designed so politicians can grab more power over our lives, take more of our money, erode our liberty – and reward those who support them with massive government grants.
> Believers seem to believe that opposition to the global warming theory is a conspiracy by oil companies and automakers who are, evidentally, desperate to end this eco-mania so they can lose the hundreds of billions of dollars they’re investing in alternative fuels and hybrid vehicles.
* Judging from this blog, skeptics seem to be happier and funnier than believers.
* Believers seem to be much, much angrier than skeptics and not really very funny at all.
We also extracted some actual marketing lessons – serious stuff to think about from this thread - like …
1. When you give away great stuff for free, somebody will always suspect you of having ulterior motives (Post #19)
2. Immediate gratification always trumps long-term concerns (Post 39)
3. When it comes to engaging folks, FEAR WORKS!
So please – don’t stop just because I have to check out for a few days. Keep the conversation going.
Oh. One last thought for the believers. Two, actually:
First, man-made global warming is not science. It’s theory. If it was a scientific fact like gravity or electromagnetism or the strong nuclear force, it would be PROVABLE. You wouldn’t have tens of thousands of scientists still yelling that it’s a hoax.
Second, cheer up! Maybe we WON’T drown. Maybe the Yellowstone volcano, a mega-tsunami, a massive asteroid – or big foot, the aliens or the end of the Mayan calendar will get us first. How silly would you feel then?
‘Til next time …
Clayton
Comment by B Fish — July 31, 2008 @ 2:51 am
Be careful driving in Big Sur. The ocean levels may be rising, but that only means its a 299 foot drop off the road rather than 300.
Comment by Caleb Osborne — July 31, 2008 @ 11:54 am
Clayton,
I know you just said you’re turning back to being a Vegehead (
) but if you end up in Hollywood, you need to go by Lucky Devils ( http://www.luckydevils-la.com/ ) and chow down on a Kobe beef Diablo burger!
Was out there earlier this year – have fun man!
– Caleb
P.S. I second this observation:
It’s like this with a lot of "believers"
Comment by Ian — July 31, 2008 @ 12:02 pm
How about you go "straight to the source" Clayton et al…
http://www.ipcc.ch/ipccreports/ar4-syr.htm
Ian
Comment by Clarke Echols -- resident scientist — July 31, 2008 @ 3:05 pm
Sheila Crosby (#66) argues CO2 levels from 600,000 years
ago. As a scientist with more college math classes than I even want to think about, I’m not willing to go there. I’ll deal with current facts:
National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency (NOAA), a part of the US Dept. of Commerce, has a web site showing CO2 levels in the air in the latter 20th century. In 1957, it was 0.0315% (315 ppm). By 2002, it was 0.0372% (372 ppm). Today it is close to 0.0385% (385 ppm).
The trouble is, if you instantly removed ALL human-related CO2 from the air, it would only lower CO2 content to 374 ppm, which is still 19% more than existed in 1957, INCLUDING human-source CO2.
This is the dirty little secret the bone-headed global-warming freakos don’t want you to know. If you *eliminated* all of mankind from the earth, together with all of their power plants, cars, trains, etc., etc., *AND* removed ALL of their CO2 from the air at the same time, the
effect on the CO2 in the atmosphere would be negligible.
The “carbon-footprint” nut-cases want to take our CO2 emissions back to pre-1990 levels at a cost of trillions of dollars. And for what?!!! The effect on the atmosphere would be ***ZERO*** because man has nothing to do with the CO2 and methane levels in the atmosphere to any measurable degree.
Where did all that CO2 increase come from? From volcanoes, CO2 springs under the ocean (remember seaweed and other underwater plant life in the ocean has to have CO2 to survive, and it is physically impossible to get it from the air so it has to come from somewhere. So the earth, created by a wise creator, has provisions for that necessity to come from underground by geological means.
Sheila says CO2 has increased 30%, but quotes no source. Using official US government data, CO2 is *UP* from 1957 to today by 22%. BUT – and here’s the big zinger – while CO2 in the air is up 22%, only 2.75% of that CO2 is man-made, which totally destroys the argument. Why? Earth was responsible for 21.4% of that 22%. What difference will a 21.4% increase versus a 22% increase have on temperature?
Zilch. Nada. Can’t happen.
You will notice that global-warming freakos NEVER talk about how much of the air is CO2. They dwell exclusively on the percentage change so they can create alarm from nothing.
Using Venus as a comparison is dangerous. Venus’ atmosphere is well over 90% CO2, but it has some other very nasty stuff too. It isn’t even remotely related to what’s going on here. But it is significant that Jupiter and Mars have similar changes in temperature in comparison with Earth.
And, contrary to what Alpine Naboo is saying, it isn’t urgent nor is it necessary that we “confine” or remove CO2 from the air. IT ISN’T A PROBLEM! And we can’t do it anyway. There’s too much there.
As for Ian’s suggestion of going to the IPCC report, it’s also a fraud. Many of the scientists who supposedly “approved” it didn’t. And they objected to the use of their names.
But since when did ethics and truth ever turn up to be the motive behind intentional frauds by people seeking power and control, or just plain money.
Don’t attribute to science what can be adequately explained by avarice and greed.
Al Gore make$ million$ lying about global warming. $enator Ken $alazar i$ a $trong $upporter of ethanol to help the farmer$ (I grew up with his baby-sitter). He’$ really helping mega-agri-corporation$ who profit greatly from the hoax.
And small farmers are stuck with higher fuel and fertilizer bills. Dumb. Really dumb. (I grew up on a farm. Salazar’s high-school principal was married to my cousin).
It’s all about the money. Follow the money and you get a lot of answers you may not have expected.
Comment by Cris — July 31, 2008 @ 4:45 pm
re: Comment 73 Comment by Clarke Echols – resident scientist — July 31, 2008 @ 3:05 pm
Exactly. FOLLOW the money. Fastest, easiest way to see who is profiting from the nonsense.
While you’re at it, check out folks who insist every other kid in school has autism. Sure, some do, and it’s a tragedy. Most do not…again, follow the money.
Comment by Bruce — July 31, 2008 @ 5:29 pm
The planet Mars is undergoing significant global warming, new data from the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) show, lending support to many climatologists’ claims that the Earth’s modest warming during the past century is due primarily to a recent upsurge in solar energy, (and not President Bush’s doing).
Martian Ice Shrinking Dramatically According to a September 20 NASA news release, "for three Mars summers in a row, deposits of frozen carbon dioxide near Mars’ south pole have shrunk from the previous year’s size, suggesting a climate change in progress." Because a Martian year is approximately twice as long as an Earth year, the shrinking of the Martian polar ice cap has been ongoing for at least six Earth years.
Comment by Susan Connors — July 31, 2008 @ 5:35 pm
Hi there
Ok, I don’t live in the USA and have only seen Al Gore on Oprah (here in Australia) lol.
A excellent tale..food for thought!
Fear Factor will get people’s attention all the time..
Environmentatl, eco-friendly, eco-tourism are the catch phrase here. Its universal..was a huge thing in the last Aussie election and still is today with people such as Mr Gore.
They do good ….. what about a balance hey? Like this..how about balancing kids of equal weight and putting them on the see saw? Makes more sense…fear turns into fun. If it is all fear, the other kids gonna jump off and leave one stranded, on the ground with a sore bottom. Fear sells = money. Kind of like the images we see of polar bears being stranded on drifting ice. I remember 30 years ago at the age of eight seeing similar things on television.
This peace Clayton is interesting
You definately have the gift of the gab (wordcraft).
I like to see both sides of the coin and if it is weighted (heads or tails on both sides), I get peeved. Thats not fair..thats cheating.
Kind of like the fear factor global warming argument. People get bombarded by do-gooders (who mean well…money helps) and the population..everyday guyz have to "change or else" we will kill our environment.
If "balance" sold …that would be awesome….balance is not fear.
Fear equals money ..clever marketing. If all is ok, then people won’t look at it..human nature.
Sue In Aus
Comment by Dennis — July 31, 2008 @ 10:09 pm
CLAYTON AGAINST THE WORLD - WHOSE GONNA WIN?
(THEN AGAIN, WHO CARES?)
OK OK already!
We’ve got Clayton’s take on global warming - we know where you stand, Clayton
And that’s OK - I don’t mind (even though I’m a believer - and I will stack my scientists up against anybody elses anyday - but lets’ not go there)
Forgetting all that - there’s a bandwagon here folks and it’s time to jump on it!
Green industries.
Green innovation.
Green products.
Green services.
Green investment.
Green health stuff.
As we say when trading in the stockmarket - the trend is your friend!
Why not accept that for the foreseeable future, there’s going to be a push for offsetting carbon emissions - and, instead of wasting our energy yelling "it ain’t right!!!", let’s make some money from it instead.
Cos let’s face it - who is going to pay you, as a copywriter, more to spread their message - the skeptics (with no government money) or the believers (with government money)?
And is it so bad?
If people become more aware of the real damage being done (whether it’s global warming, acid rain, smog, deforestation or whatever) and we all cut back on the harmful things we do, is it going to hurt?
Or is it going to present opportunities for people like us to make a motzah selling that message?
Personally I’m going with the flow - and I’ll be pretty comfortable accepting "green money" - what about you?
Hell, I sell the message for junior mining explorers, so I’m not claiming to be a greenie by a long shot. And if I can take their money (which I have no problem with - we all still need the stuff they dig out of the ground), I sure won’t have a problem banking the "make a better world" cash either.
So please - stop the bitching and grab the dough.
Comment by Susan Connors — July 31, 2008 @ 10:54 pm
ON MARKETING
Fear Factor versus Green Factor = balance = money.
workable solutions for all.
Clever marketing solutions..niche markets filled…products made and used…recycling..
Winning all around and the clever marketing shall continue!
A need is seen..marketing research done and campaigns devised.
Money invested, product launch and the cycle goes on.
Fear and sex, all emotions can be utilized in marketing.
As to the marketing for your post Clayton, clever. Can be used in many areas of the media and so on. Skeptics, believers and in-between get to see another point of view on this volatile subject.
Thank you for your insights
Sue in Aus
Comment by Liz Tufte — August 1, 2008 @ 12:53 am
The biggest marketing lesson here is: write to your pre-sold audience. They already agree with you, so you don’t have to back up what you say with anything logical. In fact, people buy out of irrational desires, not with logic. So all you have to do is rant and fire off insults about your opponents so your readers will laugh and give you money. A note about the content: the human capacity for denial is truly amazing.
Comment by Aaron Stanley — August 1, 2008 @ 3:35 am
Re: Bruce, comment #75…
The entire solar system is heating up. Check it out…
Mars