Posted by: Clayton Makepeace
July 19, 2010
Issue #969

Online Sales Copy
Worth Betting
Real Money On

14 immutable, indisputable, ETERNAL rules for creating winning direct response copy

(My advice: Print this one out and tape it to your monitor. It’ll make you money.)

Dear Business Builder,

I know – I haven’t written a new article for The Total Package in a while. But I’ve got something important to say to you today and I also figure it’s high time we caught up a bit …

You know how every once in a while, life kind of slaps you on the back of the head just to make sure you’re paying attention? That’s been happening to me a lot over the past several months. Nothing too serious, you understand, just a good poke to wake me up now and again.

And so I’ve been thinking long and hard about my career and life. Most of what I saw, I liked; some I didn’t. So, I’ve been making a few changes.

Most of these changes were relatively easy. I had become a three-pack-a-day smoker. I quit on November 30, 2009 – and as of today, I’m proud to say I haven’t lit up in seven and one-half months.

I’d been too sedentary for too long – using work as an excuse – so I packed on a bunch of extra pounds. Now, although I still have a long ways to go, the weight is coming off quite nicely, thanks to daily hour-long cardio sessions on the elliptical in my office.

But compared to the main career issue in my life, quitting the cigs and burning fat are a cinch. Because I also realized that I had allowed success and financial security to turn me into something of an entrepreneurial coward.

That’s outrageous for me. After all – every success I’ve ever enjoyed has come to me because I took calculated risks:

• By declining to accept a regular paycheck some 32 years ago, then going out on my own to become a freelance copywriter.
• By setting my lucrative freelance career aside on four separate occasions since the early ‘80s to pursue opportunities with exclusive clients.
• And by knowing when it was time to end each of those exclusive relationships and move on to something new.

Plus, when I think about it, every client and assignment I’ve accepted in my entire career has been a calculated risk. Every time I said “yes,” I effectively laid my reputation and future income on the line in hopes of beating the control.

Well, for the past four years or so, I’ve been working exclusively with a single client – a company in the investment-publishing field. His sales doubled my first year on-board. Years two and three were even better. Last year was our best sales year ever.

But despite the fact that this exclusive relationship made both of us millions, I’d become ‘way too comfortable with it. Writing to the same people about the same kinds of products for four years straight; it was clear that I needed a change.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever had to tell a great client – an exclusive client … your sole source of income – that you need to change the relationship. Let me assure you: It takes cajones the size of church bells.

You never know for sure what’s going to happen next. He could get pissed and throw the baby (you) out with the bathwater. The negotiations could simply break down and you could wind up having to walk away from a great stream of income.

So as you might expect, it took me several weeks to finally broach the subject; to ask my client for a new, non-exclusive working agreement. I should have done it sooner: My investment client and I have a new agreement that works for both of us and I have the freedom to accept any non-competing client I like.

Who will my new client be?

Maybe the company will be in a niche where I’ve helped create industry leaders before – maybe in nutritional supplements … or precious metals/coins … or in the political arena. Or, maybe the best opportunity will be in an entirely new area – who knows? That’s the fun of it!

The one thing that seems sure to me now is that change, challenges and children keep you young. Since I’ve already got four kids and three grandkids, I figure this change and new challenge should add at least another ten good years to my life!

So as I survey the opportunities on the horizon,
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what works
and what doesn’t … and why it doesn’t.

Forgive me for being blunt – but 99.99% of all the acquisition, e-mail and sales page copy I see on the web is absolutely deplorable. Couldn’t persuade a starving man to accept a free Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.

I’m pretty darned sure that a dearth of copy testing is the reason why. And I’m also quite sure I know why so many companies don’t invest the time, resources or money to test their sales copy.

FIRST, nobody ever loses a penny on printing or postage online. If you don’t test your copy offline, you’re dead. Online, not so much …

Print ad, TV and radio promotions cost a king’s ransom. On many occasions, my clients have invested up to $3 million to mail a sales piece I wrote to their prospects. And they’ve done it not just once or twice a year, but every six weeks or so.

When the stakes are that high, every sale counts. If your copy is less than the best, you’ll likely pay for your blunder with millions of dollars in very real, very tangible, very painful out-of-pocket losses.

But online, where it costs next to nothing to send an e-mail to prospects or customers, many company owners and marketing execs just figure, “Why bother to test if there’s zero risk of loss?”

SECOND, there’s no time. Because many marketers send daily e-mails to prospects and customers, there’s little enthusiasm for testing copy that’s only going to be used once.

THIRD, test results could be meaningless. Take lead producing campaigns, for instance: It can take months to determine which copy is most effective – and by then, the copy will probably be worn out anyway.

Sure – the company will probably have suffered in terms of lost growth opportunities while it continued to use the less-effective copy, but what other choice is there?

And so, without the constant stream of sensory input that scientific copy testing provides – without the results that tell them when they’re on the right road and alert them when they’re about to cruise off a cliff …

Most Internet companies
are driving blind online

Makes you wonder: How many failed online companies would still be around if their PPC, e-mail and sales copy had just been 10% … or 20% … or 30% more effective?

How many successful online companies could be making $10 million more … $50 million more … $100 million more … if their copy was just slightly more persuasive?

Tragically, nobody knows. Worse: Finding the answer isn’t even on the agenda at most companies.

Meanwhile, this dearth of scientific copy testing is crippling online marketers with invisible – but still very real – losses:

• The leads they could have generated but didn’t.
• The prospects they could have converted into paying customers – but never did.
• The sales they could have made and the profits that could have plumped their bottom lines – but didn’t.

Better copy without testing

David Ogilvy is famous for saying, “Never stop testing, and your advertising will never stop improving.” But what if you’re working for a company that can’t or won’t test copy?

The good news for you as a copywriter/marketing consultant – and for every client who ever hires you – is that offline direct marketers have been scientifically testing sales copy for more than a century now.

The better news is that the results of all that testing have been accumulated and progressively shaped into a set of criteria that empowers you to create far more persuasive copy than just about anything your competitors are creating.

And if you’re a company owner or marketing exec, the great news is that simply by observing these criteria, you can ensure that your copywriters consistently deliver “copy worth betting real money on.”

The best news of all:

Because these criteria are rooted in human nature – how our prospects are most likely to react to the things we do and say in our promotions, these criteria have not changed one iota in more than 138 years.

Aaron Montgomery Ward set down the first of these guidelines in 1872 as he used the printing press to establish the world’s first mail-order business.

Since then, many working copywriters and advertising geniuses have shared guidelines derived from their own real-world testing – including John Powers … John E. Kennedy … Albert Lasker … Claude Hopkins … John Caples … Robert Collier … Rosser Reeves … David Ogilvy … our own Drayton Bird … Gene Schwartz … Joe Sugarman and many, many more.

It’s important to note that in the 138 years since this direct response industry was founded, every new book of guidelines written by these legendary copywriters confirmed the work that had gone before; then expanded upon it. You’d be hard pressed to find a single substantive disagreement among them.

It’s also crucial to note that these criteria for effective sales copy have not changed one iota despite the fact that new technologies – radio, television, the Internet – have revolutionized the manner in which sales copy is delivered to consumers.

Because these criteria are NOT about the medium. They’re NOT about superficial social changes. They’re not about fads of any kind.

They’re about fulfilling basic human needs. About addressing intrinsic human fears, frustrations and desires. About how certain stimuli affect what we think, what we feel and what we do. In short, these criteria relate to things that about us that are timeless; that are hard-wired into us almost at the cellular level … that have never changed … and that never will change.

How to know great sales copy
when you see it

When someone tries to tell you that an expert evaluating a piece of direct response is purely giving a personal opinion, they are missing the point.

To a professional, the ONLY question that is EVER open for debate is how effectively a piece of copy has fulfilled fourteen critical criteria that have been established over more than a century of scientific testing in millions of direct response promotions.

The process of writing copy, then, is simply the practice of creating a conversation with the prospect in which these criteria are met.

The process of critiquing copy can be thought of as the practice of determining a) whether these criteria are met and b) how well they are met.

The process of improving copy is the practice of increasing its effectiveness in satisfying these criteria.

Good Copy …

1. Makes four sales:
1. The attention sale – which stops the prospect and compels him to look at the copy (usually through the use of a subject line or a headline and deck) …
2. The readership sale – which converts attention to readership, then sells the prospect on continuing to read with each sentence and subhead that follows …
3. The product sale – in which every benefit the product or service delivers is made credible, three-dimensional, palpable and desire is created, and …
4. The call to action sale – in which the prospect is persuaded to take the steps prescribed by the writer; most often to make a purchase or provide lead information.
2. Is written in the APPROPRIATE TONE for the subject matter. If an alarming message is delivered with a passive tone or a reassuring message is delivered in a strident tone, the credibility and therefore the effectiveness of the message will suffer. If you whisper “Your house is on fire,” nobody will believe you. If you scream “I LOVE YOU!” you’ll sound like a lunatic.
3. Activates a relevant and actionable DOMINANT EMOTION in the prospect. Because human beings almost never make purchases for logical reasons, but as their emotions dictate, the copy should activate a fear, frustration and/or desire that the prospect already has, then offer him a way to fulfill or assuage that emotion.
4. REWARDS prospect for reading. To maximize readership, the early copy should send the message that the simple act of reading the copy will result in the reader receiving a benefit – improve some aspect of his life, deliver useful information, give him emotional validation or at the very least, entertain him; possibly by solving a mystery or through the use of irony or humor. To retain readership, the copy itself must, of course, deliver on that message.
5. Has CLARITY OF VISION. The copy should begin with a mutually agreed-upon proposition and then lead the prospect from the point at which he is found to the point where he needs to be to take the desired action. No meandering; no side trips. Sentences and paragraphs should contain one or at most, two thoughts that move the conversation forward.
6. Has SPECIFICITY. Peppering copy with specifics makes it feel more tangible, more believable and also makes it easier to read and understand. Ethereal, nebulous, hazy, imprecise copy demands that the prospect work to figure it out – or worse, confuses the reader – thus killing readership.
7. Is INTERESTING. It must hold the prospect’s attention and also send the explicit or implicit message that the writer is passionately interested both in the reader and in the subject at hand. Failing to do so will absolutely kill readership and by extension, response.
8. Has MOMENTUM. The reader should feel that he is moving through the work quickly and effortlessly. The organization should be linear; the copy should never meander or return to points already covered. And each succeeding section should be shorter than the one before it.
9. Is EFFICIENT. Points should be made using the shortest, clearest, most precisely chosen words possible, then organized into tight, lean, punchy sentences and paragraphs.
10. Is PERSUASIVE. Great copy presents all the reasons why the prospect should act in the way the writer desires. These “reasons why” are the practical and emotional benefits that the promotion, the desired action and the product or service being sold will bring to his life.
11. Is CREDIBLE. Not only must the copy be believable on its face, various types of proof should be used to establish every critical point as fact. The effective types of proof most often used in direct response copy include:
• Empirical proof – proven by the prospect’s own life experiences
• Social proof – testimonials and case histories involving ordinary people much like the prospect
• Authoritative proof – citations from respected authorities
• Logical proof – the use of reason and absurdisms to prove a point
• Abduction proof – creating an explanatory hypothesis; a reason why a certain proposition is true
• Conditional reasoning – “If x, then y”
• Visual proof – photos, charts, tables, etc.
• Demonstrable proof – as in a promotion for a book or newsletter in which delivering information or advice in the copy demonstrates and proves the author’s expertise
12. Effectively addresses most common OBJECTIONS. Eliminates the prospect’s objections – most typically cost, inconvenience, dissatisfying past experiences, monetary risk and social pressure. Ideally, these objections should be addressed without naming them.
13. Tells the prospect precisely what to do. Describes the desired action in specific detail – as in “complete the enclosed order form, then return it in the postage-paid envelope provided to Acme Widgets, 00000 Coyote Street, Grand Canyon City, AZ 00000.”
14. Is LONG ENOUGH to do all of this, but not one word longer.

‘Nuff for today. Hope it helps …

Yours for Bigger Winners, More Often,

Clayton Makepeace
Publisher & Editor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE

P.S. More great quotes from David Ogilvy:

“The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife.”

“Develop your eccentricities while you are young. That way, when you get old, people won’t think you’re going gaga.”

“There are very few men of genius in advertising agencies. But we need all we can find. Almost without exception they are disagreeable. Don’t destroy them. They lay golden eggs.”

“Don’t bunt. Aim out of the ball park. Aim for the company of immortals.”

Looking for resources related to this article? Try some of these.

Looking for more of Clayton's articles? Check these out.

Looking for past issues of The Total Package? Click here for our archives.

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25 Comments »

1. Comment by Bill Covert — July 19, 2010 @ 9:12 am

   Amen to these 14 rules of copywriting. I am a student and protege of Jay Abraham’s and created the Accelerator for Success system.

2. Comment by Drayton Bird — July 19, 2010 @ 9:14 am

   Couldn’t agree more that cheap online communications inhibit good habits.

   What’s easy today generally makes things damn hard tomorrow.

   Or as I always say, the road to failure is paved with success.

3. Comment by Sarah Clachar — July 19, 2010 @ 9:31 am

   Clayton,

   I will be printing this out - what a checklist! And what a way to shift perspective on AIDA! 4 Sales - I love it.

   But most of all - thank you for the wake up call that easy low cost methods can mean high costs in the long run if they’re not tested and refined.

   Good luck on your other changes- complacency is a killer!

4. Comment by Moving Ahead — July 19, 2010 @ 10:05 am

   Thanks, it seems you and I are making some of the same decisions right now in our careers.

   And I, like you, have come to the conclusion to give up the steady, “sure” work.

   For me, it’s more needing that cross-industry variety that I believe breeds new ideas.

   After all, if a new idea is nothing more than two old ideas joined in a new way, doesn’t it make sense to vary… even shake-up… your inputs on a regular basis?

   And thanks for yet another checklist… although I am running out of wall space for all these great quotes, ads and checklists.

5. Comment by John Eyubeh — July 19, 2010 @ 10:22 am

   Thanks a million times Clayton for your wealth of wisdom –as regards what really works in sales and marketing, as opposed to all the noise making that is so, so common on the internet nowadays.

   This is why I make sure the first email I look for is yours, before I delete the more than 100 meaningless messages in my box.

   Please say a big THANK YOU to all the great writers on this site — who share their wealth of wisdom.

   I LOVE YOU GUYS!

6. Comment by Robert Nomura — July 19, 2010 @ 10:59 am

   Awesome and clearly stated. Thank you for sharing with everyone.

7. Comment by Roger Fung — July 19, 2010 @ 11:14 am

   Clayton, amen! Great article and reminder. Just forwarded to my whole team.

8. Comment by Alecs — July 19, 2010 @ 12:08 pm

   Dear Cleyton thank you you for more useful information your useful articles read each day

9. Comment by ken ca|houn — July 19, 2010 @ 12:12 pm

   I actually did print this out, it’s a great checklist… thanks Clayton. Agree not enough people split-test; when talking w/potential jv partners their eyes glaze over, they think it’s too complicated… it’s so easy to do split tests, then refine from the winner through 2-3 iterations to get the best one figured out.

   I like the 8 proof elements, good idea to cycle those throughout the sales copy at correct places, and figuring out dominant emotion.

   Congrats on expanding client access, best wishes in getting new clients. It’s a good time to offer services since sales are tough to come by for companies, so demand may be there.

   thx for the training as always,

   ken

10. Comment by Caleb Osborne — July 19, 2010 @ 12:43 pm

    Congrats on the new entrepreneurial change Clayton!

    – Caleb

11. Comment by Doberman Dan — July 19, 2010 @ 1:35 pm

    Hey Clayton,

    Congrats on breaking the cigarette addiction.

    And congrats on the health goals.

    Neither of those are easy, are they?

    And thanks for another “keeper” of an article.

    All the best,
    Doberman Dan

12. Comment by Bill — July 19, 2010 @ 1:47 pm

    Great article Clayton. I forwarded to a couple colleagues.

    Here in “High Tech Fortune50-land” crappy, uninspired writing is the norm, sadly. As an outside consultant I am making progress on moving them toward good messaging, inspired by “The Whole Package”.

    Its very interesting that in high-tech, marketers seemed to forget about the limbic brain’s role in purchase decision-making. They insist that high tech decisions are made in the left lobe.

    But we are making progress, and my passing your articles to them is really helping.

13. Comment by Bonnie Benson — July 19, 2010 @ 2:02 pm

    Many thanks, Clayton - it’s already up on the wall!

14. Comment by Chris Hunt — July 19, 2010 @ 3:56 pm

    Thanks CM!

    I agree with testing (It’s hard not to)

    …HOWEVER

    There comes a point of diminishing returns when the cost of testing outweighs the potential upside.

    AS SUCH…

    …taking some broad strokes at the start can be enough in some cases IMHO!

    I’m sure you’d agree that every situation is different in some part…

    …and molding the strategy to each unique scenario is preferential to applying a one size fits all rule.

    ~Chris

15. Comment by ray — July 19, 2010 @ 4:46 pm

    Great words of Wisdom Clayton.
    Thanks for sharing and telling it like it really is.
    I am a new reader.

    Continued Success on your Health journey as well.

    Kudos also, to the other contributors to this blog,
    they are all splendid people.

    -Ray

16. Comment by robert nomura — July 19, 2010 @ 5:01 pm

    You know, I agree with your point that most companies don’t test as much (or at all) as they should online because there’s a belief that email (the Internet) is free and there’s little to no risk in online/email marketing.

    What’s interesting is that digital media is probably one of the best mediums for testing since data can be tracked, sliced and diced and segmented in a blink of an eye.

    Money is being left on the table…

17. Comment by Cheryl C. Cigan — July 19, 2010 @ 10:15 pm

    Clayton - I love you. (Tell Wendy it’s ok!)

    Thank you. From your first letter to the last and for each word corralled within.

    Your post clarifies “that when the student is ready the teacher appears” (or in this case your daily emails). Today’s post is excellent. I’m so glad you took the time to clarify these criteria.

    Such changes to your life too! Congratulations for venturing toward this new horizon.

    When you and Wendy are deciding where to direct the bike, consider heading due north to the Leelanau Peninsula in northern Michigan. The lush rolling hills of the county are home to many small towns and villages, orchards, and vineyards. The peninsula is surrounded by the blue waters of Lake Michigan. Plenty of winding roads perfect for biking and everywhere you look you will find a magnificent view! The Leelanau Peninsula is legendary for refreshing and energizing both body and mind. You and Wendy are always welcome here. (Let me know when you’re coming!)

    Many thanks again to you and other writers who contribute their comments. As others have said, the Total Package is read first.

    Cheryl C. Cigan
    Known Books

18. Comment by John Palma — July 19, 2010 @ 11:29 pm

    Hmmmmmmmm…

    It seems to me that testing a direct mail piece vs. an email vs. a website is a bit more of a challenge than folks might initially think.

    Just the human interaction is different.

    Just one observation… when holding a printed “document”, there are NO links to click on like a website has, and thus allow the wandering eye to signal a mouse click… to another part of the site.

    Sure, you can scan a document that you are holding, flip pages, etc., but a website is just way to interactive to liken it to a printed document.

    But an email… well, that is much closer to being able to test, as it doesn’t have the visual distractions of a website.

    It seems that the checklist that comes from your post is great… but a webpage has so much more “distractability” (not sure that is a word!!!) and in all my study, I haven’t seen a real apples to apples website testing process that can evaluate things in the same way that the folks you’ve referenced from the past had the privilege of being able to test.

    But you’re right… testing is not something many people (companies) do anymore.

    Then there are traffic issues.

    I build my own sites for my offline telecom business… and developed a “system” that has DOMINATED Google search results over the last 5 years in the phone system business in my geographical area.

    But the number of searches in a given month for say, a Panasonic phone system repair is geographically limited.

    So if you only get 6 - 10 hits a month, and 3 resulting phone calls, the risk of changing things to test is hard to do.

    If you make a change and only get 2 calls the next month… was it the result of the change, just a fluke with the visitors, or a slower economy?

    You’re then faced with a decision… do you make another change, go back to the previous month, or wait another month?

    With an offline business category that doesn’t have high traffic to start with, testing can be a bear!

    Of course, my comments are just some thoughts in the “heat of the moment”… nothing profound… just thinking through what you shared.

    Regards,
    John

19. Comment by Scott — July 20, 2010 @ 4:08 am

    Awesome. The Checklist is now part of my writing process document. Exactly what I needed.

    Oh Clayton. I want to buy the quick start soooo bad.

20. Comment by Kathy — July 20, 2010 @ 5:22 pm

    Simply brilliant.

21. Comment by Michael Masterson — July 20, 2010 @ 8:51 pm

    A great piece. This reluctance to test online is a pandemic in our industry — with large, sophisticated companies as well as small ones.

    I have my own checklist which amounts to very much the same thing, but I’ll be recommending that my clients use this one as well.

22. Comment by Clay Schultz — July 21, 2010 @ 3:04 am

    Clayton — I am happy you have made such positive changes for your health and quality of life.

    7.5 months… Congrats!

    Great article… Blessings!

    Clay

23. Comment by Chris Hunt — July 21, 2010 @ 7:59 pm

    @John Ideally test should be run the same time to minimize external variations.

    You bring up a good point about volume. If there’s not enough to test how do you test?

    I personally don’t. I go by the rule of thumb of 100 impressions per variation (recommended on Google Adwords website optimizer).

    Something I consider important:

    Testing is a limited resource and should be treated as such…

    …with means test the most important things first.

    ~Chris

24. Comment by Karen — July 25, 2010 @ 9:49 am

    Congrats for your stopping smoking. You should try electronic cigarettes, it is very helpful for stopping smoking and harmless to your health.

    I found it helps my concentration, without having the after affects of quitting, weight and the risk of going back some day to smoking (which did happen to me).

25. Comment by von — August 4, 2010 @ 11:12 am

    what is electronic cigarettes?