Posted by:
Clayton Makepeace
August 4, 2008
Issue #473
How to write better sales copy, faster.
Dear Business-Builder,
Short one today.
As you read this, I’m up to my eyeballs in what’s commonly known as “Family Time.”
Last Friday, The Redhead, my 15-year-old daughter and my 14-year-old son surrendered our dignity to the Department of Homeland Security … clambered into four First-Class seats on a Delta jet in Atlanta … endured the 4 ½ hour non-stop to San Francisco … rented a dorky minivan (aargh!) … and after a couple of days of sightseeing, began slowly winding our way south.
So far, we’ve spent one night in Atlanta, two nights in San Francisco and we bunked last night in Menlo Park. Today, we’re doing The Redwoods, Santa Cruz, Monterey and tonight we will collapse, exhausted, I’m sure, in Carmel.
Tomorrow, it’s on to San Luis Obispo and not one, but two tours of Hearst Castle … the next day, Santa Barbara and the beach. Then, it’s three nights at Raffles L’Ermitage in Beverly Hills.
If you need me, I’ll be in the bar. And if I know me, I’ll be nursing a double Grey Goose on the rocks.
So, since none of this has actually happened yet (it’s still last Tuesday, my time), and since I have a ream of copy still to do for my clients and another ream to finish up for my own products PLUS a webinar to prepare for my beloved EasyWriters Marketing Club (membership: Closed!) before I head out …
I’m going to cut right to the chase …
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Posted by:
Clayton Makepeace
July 28, 2008
Issue #468
How Al Gore, Ted Danson, George Bush and I did it
Dear Business-Builder,
[CAUTION: If you love Al Gore, Ted Danson or global warming, you should definitely click here to go straight to the marketing lesson in today’s issue. Because I have some fun with them but the comments at the end of this issue should be about marketing – NOT tree-hugging.]
When someone said something naughty to me, my mama used to just give me a hug and suggest that I “consider the source.”
Her personal life coach – Jesus – said, “By their fruits, you shall know them.”
So please forgive me if I still think global warming is a steaming bedpan after a big chili dinner.
Because I’ve been watching the people who promote this mania. And frankly, I wouldn’t trust any of them with my wallet or my wife.
Take Al Gore, for instance. He’s been pounding this pulpit for more than a decade. And, well, frankly … the man is unhinged.
According to Al, the book and movie Love Story were based on his love affair with Tipper.
Sadly, according to the book, Tipper tragically passed away more than 40 years ago.
Evidently, her last words were “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Then she croaked – probably from sheer embarrassment after hearing that mind-blowingly sappy and blatantly ridiculous sentiment proceed from her own mouth.
So either that blond hottie Al’s married to now is someone else or Al has also perfected the art of reanimating human corpses. Either way, I have it on good authority that Al is also being seriously considered for The Nobel Prize for Medicine.
… Or was it Mortuary Science? I forget.
No matter – I hear Al has also taken bows for personally inventing the Internet. So I figure the Nobel Prize for Technology can’t be far behind – not to mention the Adult Video Network award for “Greatest Advancements in Porn.”
In fact, after hours of exhaustive research on the subject, I have officially determined that the ONLY thing old Al hasn’t won so far is the Miss America pageant. He was, however, Miss Universe in, oh … let’s say 1997.
I hear his baton twirling sucked, but he won the swimsuit competition hands-down. Unfortunately, he was later disqualified when the judges discovered he had taped his man-boobs together to enhance his cleavage. Returning that tiara must have been the most difficult day of his life.
So what’s next for Al? Well, you can pretty much start an office pool right now on when Albert will announce that he invented Earth Shoes, the WonderBra, Pringles, Maxi-Pads and Hip-Hop.
Face it: Al is the single most infamous “exaggerator” in America. In fact, if you, me or anybody else exaggerated as much as Al does, people would probably stop calling us “exaggerators” and start calling us shameless, bald-faced liars.
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Posted by:
Clayton Makepeace
July 21, 2008
Issue #463
- The hard truth "get rich quick" gurus never tell you …
- What it really takes to hit the big time …
- Why what you do the rest of today matters …
- Much more …
Dear Business-Builder,
My mom’s cousin married Ty Cobb’s son, Herschel. Since I’m not good at math, I can’t really tell you what that makes me. Ty Cobb’s grand nephew once removed? I dunno.
But still, I’ve always been proud to be related — even distantly — to the man who invented modern baseball. So a few years ago, I read Cobb: A Biography by Al Stump and later, watched the movie starring Tommy Lee Jones.
Great book; good flick. Not because they heralded Cobb’s exploits on the field, but because they painted a crystal-clear picture of the man behind the legend.
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Posted by:
Clayton Makepeace
July 14, 2008
Issue #458
My best-laid plans blown to bits …
Dear Business-Builder,
What a great weekend!
The Redhead and I spent the last few days at The Wentworth Mansion in Charleston, touring historic Revolutionary-War era homes and eating way too much low country food …
Frankly, I had too much fun to write an issue over the weekend. And this morning, with IndyMac going belly-up … Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac imploding … Bernanke and Paulson kicking the printing presses into hyperdrive … and an explosion in emergency projects for my two favorite clients, I simply don’t have time to publish my issue today.
But, we are ready to announce the winners in last week’s twin challenges:
The winners of the “Best Sales Letter” challenge are:
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Posted by:
Clayton Makepeace
July 7, 2008
Issue #453
Here’s something that will make
even the rankest amateur copywriter smile:
Hands-down, the WORST direct mail piece
I’ve ever seen!
Dear Business-Builder,
I’ve got a corker for you this week …
You only think that bomb you just wrote had to be the worst ever. Once you see this piece of certified direct mail doo-doo, you’re going to feel like a genius.
Especially when you think about how the company that mailed this travesty is one of the largest in its industry – and probably paid some huge, international ad agency a king’s ransom to create it.
And that, somewhere, even as you read this, some ka-ka-for-brains creative director is probably being nominated for a place in the Advertising Hall of Fame.
At the very least, this should be encouraging for you.
Because you know what?
SOMEBODY got paid good money to write this!
Nearly every week, I get letters from skeptics who ask if you really can make money as a copywriter.
From now on, I’m going to just send them a copy of this promotion and say, “Could you write a letter like this? If so, YES YOU CAN make good money writing copy. Because somebody actually got paid to write this!”
Of course, if you or anyone else who reads The Total Package ever creates anything like this piece of garbage and I hear about it, there’ll be hell to pay.
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