Posted by: Daniel Levis
June 18, 2008
Issue #440

Don’t Tell Momma I’m A Copywriter …
She Thinks I Play Piano
In A Whorehouse …

Dear Web Business Builder,

Seems some people have a lowly opinion of us copywriters who write to sell …

There I was working away, minding my own business, when for some reason I became distracted and opened up an e-mail from Brian Clark — a.k.a. Copyblogger.

The subject line, “Warning: Narcissistic Marketing Can Be Dangerous to Your Business Health” caught my attention.

The article was what’s known as a “hit” in blogger parlance. Brian was challenging the point of view of another blogger, Julie Rubiner.

It seems Ms. Julie (BA in Creative Writing and Literature) had detected an editorial emergency on my website. I had been singled out as the lead poster boy, (ahead of Ron Popiel even) for everything she detests about hard hitting direct response copy that sells.

She says my copy is jivey … says I sound like a fair barker or used car salesman … and implies I must not care about my customers or have any desire to create long term relationships with them. Ouch!

Of course anybody who recognized where the copy in question came from could see that Ms. Julie was misrepresenting it to make her point.

She had deliberately taken bits and pieces from different parts of a 5,000 word sales letter and strung them together to make them look asinine. And then went on to say that putting numbers in your headlines is bad … implying there are “secrets” is wrong … exclamation points should never be used … ditto for dollar values and limited time offers … and other erudite nonsense.

Like Narcissus, (who died of thirst because he was so in love with himself he couldn’t bare to disturb his own reflection in the water long enough to drink) … people like Julie who are in love with the kind of copy they like to read would starve in a heart beat if their copy was judged by the sales it made.

They’re all about making an image. If their copy strokes their client’s ego, then it’s good copy. Whether it makes sales or not is immaterial.

In the world of brand advertising, narcissism is part of the game. But in direct response, it’s the kiss of death …

And it’s a real problem …

Truth be told, it’s a formidable challenge being an effective chameleon, adapting your writing style to resonate effectively with a given target market. Doubly so, if you’re not a consumer within that market. But adapt you must if you want to sell …

If you’re suffering from some kind of self-indulgent delusion that everybody thinks like you do, you’re in trouble. Yet, it’s in our nature to do so.

Sometimes it’s tough stepping out of your own skin, seeing the world the way other people do, and communicating in their language.

Case in point: In my high tech days, I used to write lead generation whitepapers. And most of the people on my mailing list were MBA types. I don’t have an MBA. Not even close. I’m an elementary school graduate. So how did I learn to speak their language?

What I discovered was that most of them had been trained in decision making. That training was almost always based on some derivative of a process they teach in Harvard Business School called PrOACT. Some of the companies I was selling to even used decision support systems that were modeled after it. 

So when I wrote my lead generation whitepapers, what did I do? You guessed it. I modeled the flow of the document using PrOACT — Problem, Objective, Alternatives, Consequences, Trade Offs.

Problem — First, I would address the big picture problem. Say, for example, companies within industry x are experiencing too many customer complaints in a given area. I would begin with a story that explores the implications of that problem, drawing cause and effect forward to demonstrate impact on the company bottom line, citing various studies to support those conclusions.

I would show how those complaints cost additional man hours to resolve. How they divert labor from routine customer service activities, reducing the overall level of service and customer satisfaction. How they hurt repeat sales when they’re not resolved properly. How customers are likely to tell their friends and associates about their frustrations, and so on.

Then I would turn back the other way, drawing the reader’s attention toward the root cause of the problem. Customers are complaining because their projects are taking too long to complete. Projects aren’t getting completed on time because the necessary resources are not available when needed. Resources are not available when needed because there’s no central scheduling and tracking system to alert project managers to potential shortages. And so on until the root cause of the problem is explored.

Objectives — Next, I would focus the reader’s attention on what it would mean to the company, to his or her department, and them personally if the customer service complaints were eliminated. I would say something like, “Imagine eliminating this problem entirely. Your company could easily lead the industry in customer satisfaction.

You could claim responsibility for a savings of somewhere between $xx and $xx for every customer service call handled.

You could dramatically improve the customer experience your department delivers.

And because this is a small industry, it wouldn’t take long for word to spread. Your superiority would almost certainly lead to new business.” And so on.

Alternatives — Next I would look at the various methods of solving the problem. What are other companies doing to solve the problem? What are the pros and cons of each one of these alternatives?

Up until this point, I haven’t even mentioned the product or service I’m selling. Even in this section, I would show how my alternative was superior, but I would never name it, or any other competing solution. I would simply discuss categories of solutions. Some do things this way, some that. Here’s why one is better for companies that do this, and another is better for companies that do that.

Of course, I made sure the companies on my mailing list would find the solution that best described my product the most attractive, but I would only name it and describe it in detail after running the reader through the entire PrOACT process.

Consequences — Next I would lay out the consequences of each alternative course of action. In the previous section, I was pointing out the pros and cons of each alternative at a high level. Here I would drill down and explore the ripple effects.

For example, how might a particular solution’s inability to integrate easily with other corporate systems cause problems down the road? What happens when a service provider goes bankrupt?  What’s likely to happen if no action is taken, and the problem goes unresolved? And so forth.

Trade Offs — In this last section, before finally presenting my product or service, I would admit there’s no perfect solution. Each alternative fulfills a different set of objectives, and one objective may conflict with another. Our commitment to you is to help you make the best decision.

Of course, I didn’t label the sections in my whitepaper Problem, Objectives, Alternatives, Consequences, Trade Offs. I didn’t have to.

At an unconscious level, the material resonated and
opened the door for the “pitch” that followed …

The pitch section of the whitepaper was never about the product. It was about selling the prospect on calling in and requesting a free needs analysis. I would explain the product briefly, but I would spend much more time on showing how the needs analysis worked, demonstrating its many benefits to the potential client.

I made it clear that regardless of our findings (whether the needs analysis led in the direction of a purchase or not) that it would be of immense value to them.

Did this approach get us in the door? You better believe it!

It was incredibly effective because it harmonized with the way the target market was trained to solve problems. It took the path of least resistance, sailing right in under the buyer’s usual defenses.

Not only that, it positioned us as advocates, rather than salespeople. Our close ratios were amazing because by the time people called, they were extremely well qualified and already predisposed to buying from us.

That’s what happens when you forego marketing narcissism and step out of your own skin. It may not be easy, or comfortable, but it pays.

Until next time, Good Selling!

Daniel Levis
Editor, The Web Marketing Advisor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE™

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21 Comments »

1. Comment by Dan Gallapoo — June 18, 2008 @ 9:06 am

   Hmmmmm…. I would be interested in knowing how many controls Ms. Julie has won and how many millions of dollars her copy has sold.Dan

2. Comment by Brian Clark — June 18, 2008 @ 9:08 am

   Excellent response, Daniel. Made my day!

   P.S. My mom still tells people I’m a lawyer… how messed up is that?

3. Comment by Cris — June 18, 2008 @ 9:20 am

   It’s funny about these Creative writers with English degrees, they tend to be defensive. I don’t know of any A-list copywriters that have this educational background.

   Please correct me if I’m wrong.

   Great post, Daniel.

4. Comment by John C. A. Manley | Healthy-Conversions.com — June 18, 2008 @ 10:09 am

   Brilliant headline to your article, Daniel. Talk about resonance!

   I’ve run into Ms. J’s attitude a lot myself with other "educated folk." I too have no formal education past grade 12, save a 2-year apprenticeship with a world famous fine artist in Italy (where the only test was slaving away at a drawing for 140 hours until it was perfectly rendered).

   But if we look at from their academic side of the fence…

   They probably spent $15,000 to $30,000 or far more on their education…

   They were deprived sleep, proper nutrition, and forced to attend very long lectures…

   During these lectures "dogmas" (e.g. unproven beliefs about how writing should be) were pumped into them over and over again…

   They then had to recite these dogmas back in the form of long boring exams, in order to finally be liberated in the land of proper sleep and nutrition.

   This probably went on for 3-7 years.

   Sounds like cult indoctrination, no?

   In those 7 years they never had the opportunity to test any of their ideas… Then they get out and can’t get a book published beyond 5,000 copies.

   Then to make it worse, some mother on welfare in England writes a book about a wizard named Harry who goes to school at a castle called Hogwarts and she’s getting one million dollar advances.

   I can’t blame them for being the way are. They have my sympathy. I just wish they’d realize we are not the enemy.

5. Comment by Doug D'Anna — June 18, 2008 @ 10:26 am

   Perhaps this calls for a head-to-head test!   The brander vs. the jive-talker!  (Dan I’ve seen the blogger’s portfolio and you’re looking at an easy win!)  Keep up the good work.  Your fellow jive talker and marketing opportunist in arms, DD

6. Comment by Jennifer Gibbs — June 18, 2008 @ 10:34 am

   Daniel,

   Thanks for weighing in on that one!

   I’m another one of those high school drop outs that never had to wear the label of "a starving artist." I’ve always known I wanted to be a writer, but never a snobbish, literary type.

   Sure, one day I might finally publish that novel that keeps me up some nights, but that’s NOT why I got into this.

   I’m more about transforming small businesses into big names. Taking small ideas and making big products. Making a small investment and getting a big return.

   I’m not fancy. I overuse those elipses. On posts like this, I often skip the spell check. I use sentence fragments, don’t use "and" when I should…

   But I still write controls that break everything that came out before them.

   It can be really frustrating to team up with a highly educated client that doesn’t understand that even with high-end products, simple and direct works. No one is trying to win writing awards with our copy, we just want to earn a pretty paycheck!

   Thanks for sounding off for all of us!

   Warmest Wishes,

   Jennifer

7. Comment by John McCabe — June 18, 2008 @ 10:36 am

   I followed the links and read their article. Seems "Julie Rubinar" is actually several people, at least judging from the abundant references to what we prefer.

   Daniel, when we read your headline I, I mean we, nearly had to wipe coffee from our screen. Good job…

8. Comment by Allen W — June 18, 2008 @ 10:37 am

   It’s really easy for people like Julie to attack people from behind a web site, or blog, and then mis-characterize what their victim said, for their (the blogger’s or writer’s) own edification.

   I hope she feels really good about herself, while she is probably too poor to pay her electric bill and wondering why no one wants to publish her latest, greatest manuscript for a book that no one wants to read.

   Daniel, glad to see you have thick skin, and can shrug off ill informed people who think sales is a bad thing.

   And besides, used car sales people are not all bad. Most have higher integrity than lawyers or politicians do, or those who feel it is so important to tout their degrees. She also probably thinks Sam Walton (founder of Wall mart) was stupid because he didn’t finish High School, or Bill Gates is a dolt because he dropped out of College.

9. Comment by Mike — June 18, 2008 @ 10:47 am

   Her own headline (on the front page of her site) violates her Rule #1: “Help – I’m having an editorial emergency!” I suppose that this particular exclamation point is in ‘proper’ context so it’s exempt from the rule. It’s not just narcissism, it’s hypocrisy too!!! (I meant those)  

10. Comment by Garry Boniface — June 18, 2008 @ 10:56 am

    Hey Daniel,
    I wish I had been accused of your "crimes". That would mean I was doing a decent copywriting job!

    I did some copy for a friend’s site.

    He asked two "experts" (like your "friend" Julie) to comment. One said "unprofessional and amateurish", the other said the copy was "intrusive, invasive and sounded like someone was talking to them straight off the page"! Sounds good to me.

    My friend phoned the other day to say they’d won a six figure contract (GB pounds) as a result of that copy.

    Keep on upsetting them Daniel,

    Regards, Garry

11. Comment by Adam — June 18, 2008 @ 11:26 am

    Ms. Julie needs a slap upside the head.

12. Comment by John Thomas — June 18, 2008 @ 11:39 am

    The biggest question I have for Ms. Julie is when was the last time we saw anything in the entertainment industry broken into the big money via written copy?  (As a musician, I can’t recall a single one.)

    That being the case, why would she be qualified to critique sales copy in print?

    Qualifications are only relevant within certain contexts, and I haven’t seen hers for this yet.  Whether anyone likes Daniel’s copy or not, it works.  That makes him qualified to say something about it.

    Oh, it might do Ms. Julie some good to realize that branding (which she says she is after as opposed to direct response) is all fine and dandy, but only with good direct response and follow up can you get sales NOW (direct response) and whatever good branding can do through the follow up.  So, Daniel makes more money up front AND in the long run.

    I’ll take being paid now and later as opposed to shelling out all my money now and hoping to get paid later, thank you very much.

    - John

13. Comment by Glenn Grundberg — June 18, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

    Great post, Daniel!

    This says it all…

    "BA in Creative Writing and Literature"

    Save me, please…

    LOL

    Gman

14. Comment by Garry Boniface — June 18, 2008 @ 1:33 pm

    So Julie, here’s a couple of questions…

    How come Alan Forrest Smith has one of the more recognised brands (Orange Beetle)?

    Could it be because he’s one of the best direct response marketers around?

    Wasn’t it Rosser Reeves who said something like "the only creative ad is one that sells"?

    Garry

15. Comment by RAY EDWARDS — June 18, 2008 @ 2:09 pm

    Formal education in writing and literature doesn’t disqualify anyone from writing great copy, in fact it SHOULD help, but any write should know form must follow function.

    This is no reason to make fun of academic degrees or formal education–as some people like to take this type of conversation–it has to do with being flexible.

    Knowing the "rules of writing" mean that you can break them.

    It disgusts me to see people boast about their abilities to write copy with their minimum education.  That’s great that YOU can, but it’s no evidence of virtue.

    One of the greatest copywriters of all time Eugene Schwartz, was very intellectual.  I’m yet to see a copywriting idea that doesn’t germinate from his book "Breakthrough Advertising."

    Ray L. Edwards
    http://learncopy.com

16. Comment by SUE ELY-POTTER — June 18, 2008 @ 3:04 pm

    Hi Daniel,You are up there with some of the great masters of copywriting that I adore.  I try to read everything that you write, and will read it over and over until my eyeballs hurt.  It really puts me into action!!!  Which is what I am doing now!  I have volunteered to raise $240,000. for the Ballou High School Band out of Washington, D.C.  The award winning band has played for the President of the U.S. by invitation,have been on the Ellen Degeneres Show, and received special invitations to play in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, and the Rose Bowl Parade.   A documentary was just released about the band, and two major film makers are planning to bring out a major film called BALLOU.I just took over Monday morning, and expect to have their new site up and running by July 15.  I have 3 control letters in rough draft form now, and will be sending them out for testing on that date.     How exciting? 

    I just starting taking Accelerated Program  for six-Figure Copywriting at the end of March, 2008.  I read and study the Masters around 4 hours a day,try to write 3-to 4 hours a day, and spend at least one hour on potential prospects.  Still working on my new site, and have writing copy on spec.  I love it.  My husband says I zone out when I am working.  Sorry, Daniel, I know this was a shamelessly sneaky way to get your attention, but then again,  I never said I wasn’t sneaky!! 
     Now back to the article and why I initially popped in.  Read the article and was not impressed with all her degrees and formal academic knowledge.  My experience with people like her, can be summed up in one short sentence–"Some people are just too smart to realize how dumb they really are!"  You may quote me.  LOL

    Also, in response to comment #11 by Adam–   Can I come along with you and
    we’ll each take one side.

    Keep up the good work Daniel.  You are a great inspiration. 
    Go Majestic Marching Knights  !!!!!!

    Sue

17. Comment by SUE ELY-POTTER — June 18, 2008 @ 3:07 pm

    Back again Daniel,

    Wanted to leave my e-mail address:

    moosewinningcopy@verizon.net

    SUE

18. Comment by Steve Gunn — June 18, 2008 @ 8:41 pm

    Hey guys, hate to be the lone voice of descent here, but it is what it is.

    Let me start by saying that I also believe Ms. Julie’s article is wrong. Clearly her points are not only biased, but also unequivocaly wrong.

    That being said, I also think that she’s a genius.

    I’ll explain:

    There is no virtue in being uneducated. Formal education vs. being self-taught, is an unwinable argument. But it’s definately wrong to slight someone for being degreed.

    Obtaining a college degree takes a large amount of dedication, and a fair amount of intelligence. (Not saying I’m degreed, because I’m not)

    That notwithstanding, Ms. Julie has enough education and enough experience in marketing to know that she’s wrong.

    She wrote the article with the intent of stirring up controversy, which she was successful at. (A topic you yourself wrote about in an earlier issue of TTP Daniel)

    At the time of my last visit to her blog (also my first) the article in question had 54 comments and counting. So by writing an article on a controversial topic, doing a fair amount of poorly disguised name-dropping, and sparking the ire of one of the biggest names in web copy, she probably managed to pull off an exponential jump in her blog traffic as well as readership participation.

    Well done Ms. Julie. Not bad for a day’s work. My hat is off to you.

    And Daniel, of course you’re right. You have the check stubs to prove it. But then again we already knew that…

    Thanks for letting me speak my piece.

    Steve Gunn

19. Comment by Brian Clark — June 19, 2008 @ 9:46 am

    Steve, the post with 54 comments is the Copyblogger article that took Julie to task. Julie wasn’t brave enough to allow comments.

    But I agree with you and Ray that’s this is not necessarily a matter of education versus "street smarts." It’s about intention.

    A lot of people with creative writing degrees go into copywriting because they want to create. They want to be artists, but they don’t have the guts or the talent to make it as an artist.

    So they write copy that doesn’t sell a thing instead. And I guess they also dish out bad advice.

20. Comment by Jennifer Gibbs — June 19, 2008 @ 9:47 am

    I’ve got to weigh in one last time…

    I really think that the point here isn’t about being educated, it’s about being intelligent!

    Doesn’t anyone recognize that there’s a difference?!

    It’s fine that you might feel "disgusted" that I’m boasting that I’m successful despite the lack of a formal education. But isn’t it equally disgusting to assume that just because someone took the time (and the money) to invest in their education that they’re somehow BETTER than those of us who didn’t?

    I don’t know about you, but I know quite a few college graduates that are still living at home with their parents, switching from one job to another. I know plenty of people who spent more of their time in college drinking and partying than they did learning!

    I don’t judge people based on whether or not they hold a degree, but whether or not they can carry on an intelligent conversation. I don’t care what school you graduated from, I care about whether people have learned how to think for themselves, how to creatively solve problems, how to challenge their assumptions.

    IQ and GPA are two totally different things. Just ask Thomas Edison…

    And the fact remains - good copywriting often flies in the faces of everything your English 101 teacher every taught you.

    You can either follow the "rules", or you can do what works.

    Since none of us are in this thing to win the Pulitzer, I’d opt for what makes money every time!

    Just my two cents…

    Jennifer

21. Comment by Daniel Levis — June 19, 2008 @ 10:16 am

    Well said Jennifer… the problem with "schools" is that they’re by definition outdated and out of touch with the real world. There’s nothing like doing battle in the mean streets to learn quickly and accurately.