Posted by: Drayton Bird
January 13, 2009
Issue #588

Yes, friends, it’s déjà vu all over again
– five pieces of advice for the recession.

Recessions are not new to me. I was born in the middle of the biggest one in the 20th century.

And through boundless folly, I’ve managed to create a few of my very own over the years.

But the one which brings back the fondest memories was in the seventies, when the deeply unpleasant Heath and the cheerily incompetent Callaghan (two useless prime ministers, for those of you who don’t follow ancient British history) did a great job of screwing up the country.

Actually, that’s unfair. The unions did.

Under Heath we had a three-day working week.  Yes, we were only allowed to work three days out of seven: There wasn’t enough power for the other days. Under Callaghan, bodies were left unburied - really - and garbage uncollected. So you see, living in “Merrie England” has its own special problems.

And before all the scary headlines have you hiding under your bed, you might like to know that at that time the stock market dived by 90%. I read that the other week in a piece by Lord Young, who lost his shirt then, but has done rather well since.

What led to success

In those dear, dead days two partners and I started a direct marketing agency. In under four years we were the biggest in Britain (not very big really – it was a fairly small industry then).

This was partly because my partners were – and are – very talented, and partly because we promoted ourselves in every possible way. (Have you noticed how most agencies don’t really believe in marketing; they just suggest it to their clients?)

But mostly it was because hardly anybody else had a clue about direct marketing, and, even more importantly, we were too damn busy to think about the economy.

So my first piece of advice is this: The only economy that matters is your economy.

If the economy - thanks to crooks who walked away with billions, investment “experts” who gave them away and regulators who never noticed – nosedives  by 30%, that just means you have to improve your results by 30%.  And without boasting, we do that – and usually a lot more - for clients every week.  

Before you say I am boasting, let me explain. There is no magic; no special talent; we and a few others just apply simple principles which have been around for as long as 150 years. And since human nature hasn’t changed, they still work.

Still clueless after all these years

But the question is, why doesn’t everybody follow these principles? They do not require any great genius.

Well as far as I can see most clients (and their agencies) are as clueless now as they were in 1977. Maybe more so.  Occasionally I wonder if some people only fetched up in this industry because there were not enough vacancies for village idiots.

For example, I received this on December 23rd:

Seasons Greetings from XXXX

We manufacture for the music, software and film industries, all sectors of the business world, education institutions and charities. Our range includes all CD and DVD formats, vinyl, posters, T-shirts and print. With our in-house art workers we also offer a full design service, including high quality digital Cromalin proofs.

If you are in a hurry we also duplicate and print CDs and DVDs in house. Along with printed CD booklet and inlays, posters and DVD inlays.

Now, ignore the missing apostrophe in the heading – literacy is too much to expect nowadays. Just ask what kind of moron thinks it is smart marketing or even polite to follow a Christmas message with a list of what they do?

But I got quite a few similar messages over Christmas - one from a huge international firm that specializes in website optimization – which we do, only we call it “making your website make more money.”

So my second piece of advice is, cheer up: There are so many twits around that even moderate competence should see you through the gloomy times ahead.

Luxuries you can do without

My third piece of advice is, look for the inessentials that have crept in over the last twenty years. You don’t need to pay for them. They won’t make you any money. Honestly.

For example:

• The fact that your agency’s reception looks like a five-star restaurant will not improve your responses. It just adds to their costs and your bills.
• The same applies to their beautiful glass building and their beautifully appointed conference rooms. These are for meetings, which are also highly unlikely to boost your profits – see the next point – and presentations, ditto.
• Avoid meetings. Most are held for four reasons. First, because people have nothing better to do. Second, to avoid making a decision. Third, if a decision is actually reached, to make sure no individual can be blamed. Fourth, to fix the time of the next meeting.
• If you are introduced to someone called a “planner”, this means their creative people don’t understand customers and their account handlers don’t understand strategy. Agencies did perfectly well without planners for 130 years. They were just invented to bamboozle clients.
• Have no pitches. They are a complete waste of time, money and energy. Just ask good people to do tests. If you would like to know why, go to http://drayton-bird-droppings.blogspot.com/ and look at the entry for October 31, 2008.
• Avoid presentations. When reviewing creative, ask to speak to the people who did it. Don’t waste time talking to the account handlers. One of my clients has started three successful businesses with Sir Richard Branson. He refuses to pay for them; he just wants to meet the people who have the ideas.
• Oh, and why not ask yourself how your account handler will improve your profits? If they don’t come up with an idea worth trying at least once a month, refuse to see them. An alarming number are just street decoration.

Questions about your website

Suggestion number four: spend a lot of time thinking about your website. Most customers go there before buying anything. But most websites are bloody useless. This is because people don’t ask themselves some pretty simple questions, like:

1. What is my website for?
2. What am I doing to get people to go to it?
3. What am I doing to get people to stay on it for as long as possible?
4. What am I doing to collect names?
5. What am I doing to turn those names into money?
6. What am I doing to measure what happens on my website? (Google Analytics is almost entirely free).
7. Is the copy in English or is it pretentious jargon? I spend a lot of time rewriting website copy; usually I have to start by asking people what they actually mean by some of the phrases they use; many find this quite taxing.

Most people do not ask themselves these questions. Last month my partner Alastair boosted website enquiries for one client by 600% by asking them, then making a few simple changes. And that client is not a chump; he is the leader in his field.

A helpful suggestion

Again, we are not the only people who ask these questions. Just make sure the people you deal with do.

My fifth piece of advice comes from the old joke about the man who was looking for Carnegie Hall in New York. When he asked a bystander how to get there, the reply was: “Study.”

The chief reason why direct marketing is so bad – especially online – is that people don’t study. Why waste your life learning by painful trial and error what cleverer people than you have known for years and taken the trouble to write down? There is nothing – absolutely nothing – that you can’t pick up by reading a few books.

Apart from mine, which I naturally think are wonderful, you will find some I recommend at http://www.draytonbird.com/Marketingbooks. The best one (no, it’s not mine) is free – you can download it.

I hasten to add that I do not consider myself cleverer than you. My secret weapon is stupidity. But that is another subject.

Contributed by Drayton Bird, Hon. F IDM
Guest Contributor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE

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18 Comments »

1. Comment by Larry Foster — January 13, 2009 @ 11:25 am

   Thanks for another Drayton article.
   Always entertaining and informative.
   This was an especially good one

2. Comment by Apryl Parcher — January 13, 2009 @ 12:31 pm

   Anyone remotely interested in becoming a better marketer really should paper their office with Drayton’s “Bird Droppings.”

   I always find his common sense a breath of fresh air in today’s world. Plus, he’s funny when he wants to be–and that’s worth a pound of cure in my book. We take ourselves way too seriously anyway.

   If only I could get him to open classes for his new “school” over here…but as he’s said before, he’s “busier than a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.”

   Ah well…we’ll keep trying!

   Apryl
   http://www.aparcher.com

3. Comment by Caleb Osborne — January 13, 2009 @ 1:00 pm

   Drayton!

   You’re the man — and I love listening to an expert like you has been through recession after reccession and not only survived — but THRIVED!

   Thanks for the article,
   Caleb

4. Comment by Susan Connors — January 13, 2009 @ 3:05 pm

   Hello Drayton

   Thank you for your honest and real approach to marketing.

   In all the years of working, I could not figure out “The Suits” reasonings for such large meetings. Luncheons, dinners and get togethers were costing these companies fortunes.

   Not to mention wasted ideas and time in presentations. The culture was all about looking the part, coming to work and not actually doing anything constructive.

   The Suits - were people who wanted to be the best in the industry, who believed that if you sucked up enough to the boss you would be in the “dream team”.

   Only the bosses would come and go and the dream team never lived a long life.

   The people, the little guys, working class were the ones who were thriving. Living every day, running their own business and growing. “The Suits” would make fun of the working class people - thinking they are better than them.

   Very bad move and attitudes! Not to mention sheer stupidity on the parts of the suit as it was the working class who gave “the suits” their business.

   Now needless to say I never fitted in. These so called superior people were so close, and copying each others moves it wasnt funny.

   I was sacked a few times when I started producing better results than the marketing director or the head sales folk.
   I could never understand the supposed brilliant advertising when I actually thought it was a lot of horse crap. Most times I was right.

   If you cant baffle them with bull, baffle them with something else. Not my mantra

   As for today, yes I am doing ok - definately room for improvement.

   I need to find an opt in script that is user friendly and easy to use. So if anyone has ideas please let me know

   Again thank you to a practical and honest approach - common sense is not so common these days.

   All the best

   Sue in Aus
   http://www.marketingforlife.com.au

5. Comment by Marc — January 13, 2009 @ 4:48 pm

   I swear… this is the best damn blog on the internet by far

6. Comment by Dan — January 13, 2009 @ 5:29 pm

   Hi Drayton,

   Wise words from a great marketer. I want to comment on the part about just worrying for your economy.

   It’s so easy to get discouraged these days from all the bad news. It’s so crazy in fact that I have basically given up talking to my “normal” friends because every time I do… I end up depressed as heck.

   I always have to remind myself to worry about my business, my websites, and my marketing, and my clients!

   I have completely eliminated the news and now just bust my butt trying to get my economy to product the income I have set for the individual months of 2009.

   Your site is great too!

7. Comment by Nira Amba — January 13, 2009 @ 6:53 pm

   Hi Drayton,

   “In those dear, dead days two partners and I started a direct marketing agency”……

   Only now do I find out what Bremner, Bird & Fortune were up to back in the ’70s. The things you learn by reading blogs, eh?

   Take care,

   Nira

8. Pingback by Copywriting Gold Found In Bird Droppings?*!? | "Maximum Results Copywriting" — January 13, 2009 @ 6:55 pm

   [...] He has a guest post on Clayton Makepeace’s blog today titled “Yes friends it’s deja vu all over again - five pieces of advice for the recession&#8221…. [...]

9. Comment by Shanika Journey — January 13, 2009 @ 7:58 pm

   Very straight forward article.

   Mentioning those “luxuries” we can do without was very crucial and important.

   And the questions on the presence of a website was also highly needed.

   I had a client that just threw a website up without any guidance at all. Just an idea with no plan of action or strategic thought, so her website was a mess.

   I will definitely refer her to this article since it brought up points I have already explained to her and more points that she may need to consider for her business in the future.

   Wonderful article.

10. Comment by John — January 13, 2009 @ 9:55 pm

    Good businesses that value direct response marketing - and flourish from it - are still thriving in the Australian economy.

    My major problem is deciding which deals to go for and which to let disappear like a ship into the night.

    Thanks for the refreshing heads up Drayton,

    John

11. Comment by Dean Kennedy — January 13, 2009 @ 10:04 pm

    I love this part of Drayton’s article above: “But the question is, why doesn’t everybody follow these principles? They do not require any great genius.”

    If we were in ‘I, Robot’ and I was the hologram of James Cromwell’s character Dr. Alfred Lanning, this would be the point where I’d say, “That, detective, is the right question.”

    Yet another brilliant contribution by Drayton … I’m so glad he wanders over here from time to time and leaves such wonderful “droppings” for us!

12. Comment by James Abugah — January 13, 2009 @ 10:41 pm

    This is wonderful advice.
    I like the idea of avoiding meetings.
    You see we live in a society that has abdicated responsiblity. Nobody wants to be responsible for any decision.

    Have you wondered why people think its the responsibility of the government to give them Jobs?

    James Abugah
    Nairobi
    Kenya

13. Pingback by Wealth and Wisdom » Several Great Articles I Came Across — January 14, 2009 @ 11:17 am

    [...] the Total Package (a great copywriting / marketing blog) Drayton Bird wrote a great article Yes, friends, it’s déjà vu all over again – five pieces of advice for the recession. In it he validates my position that it is in times of economic crisis that the greatest fortunes [...]

14. Comment by Chu D. Obii — January 14, 2009 @ 12:16 pm

    Very good piece, and extremely great things to look out for in times like this…Thanks!

15. Comment by Robert moisan — January 16, 2009 @ 10:36 am

    Hi I tried many times to access this link on your newsletter but it says page not found

    http://www.draytonbird.com/Marketingbooks.

    Could you let me know why??

    Thanks

    Bob

16. Comment by pete — January 16, 2009 @ 10:50 am

    Sorry Robert, it looks like Drayton’s entire site is currently down. We’ll let him know.

    Pete Schissel
    Director of Web Services
    The Total Package

17. Comment by Des Vadgama — January 17, 2009 @ 6:00 am

    Couldn’t agree with you more, Drayton

    And 90% of meetings I’ve EVER attended have been a waste of time, even with multi-millionaire decision-makers. Using the phone and email works far better.

    thanks,
    Des

18. Comment by Bruce Carlson — January 18, 2009 @ 8:00 am

    Drayton,

    Thanks for your great post! And for yet another poignant reminder about how pathetic the current state of direct marketing is and how one can make money by just getting things going (instead of having to do a million things perfectly).

    Also, I share your disgust with the butchering of the English language that goes on continually. Call me a snob…

    The jazz musician’s version of the Carnegie story is slightly different, by the way. Instead of “study”, the bystander/street guy replies “practice, man, practice.” For direct marketing purposes perhaps we could translate that to “implement, man, implement” (meaning get off your arse and actually do something).

    Best regards,
    Bruce