Networking for Dummies
Confessions of a closet introvert
Dear Business Builder,
Happy Friday and welcome back to In the ‘Net Trenches. The holidays are afoot and I suspect many of you will have plenty of opportunity to step from behind the warm cocoon of your computer and actually spend some time socializing face-to-face. E-Gad!
In a world were social networking is done from behind a computer screen in the comfort of your own home (and often under a pseudonym or behind an avatar), I suspect this whole face-to-face situation could get your palms sweating and your heart palpitating. And I’ll tell you a little secret … I’m no different.
People that know me well are probably laughing hysterically that I say that, because I do spend as much time as possible cracking jokes and being a general goofball … think a high school cheerleader wearing combat boots with her pigtails pulled back a little too tight. But it’s true … for me the thought of attending parties, business functions and seminars where I don’t know a soul sets my heart to racing.
And now that I’ve admitted that, let’s see if we can’t work on this together because apparently I’m not alone.
A full 13% of the population has what is called Social Anxiety Disorder. People with Social Anxiety Disorder typically have a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions. Because of this, they avoid social situations like the plague. For many, the problem is so severe they have to be treated with medication to overcome their fear.
Social Anxiety Disorder is the extreme, but I suspect if you asked 10 different people how they feel when placed in a social situation in which they don’t know a soul, at least 8 will say “extremely uncomfortable.” I’ll even wager 4 of those 10 people (or more) would opt to hide in the bathroom rather than mingle.
So, if you’re one of the eight here are …
6 Ways to not Suck at Networking
- Dress for Success: Your success at networking starts before you even leave the house. When getting ready to attend a social function, consider what the appropriate way to dress is. Some functions will be easy because the dress code is displayed on the invitation … black tie for instance. But for most functions, appropriate dress is left up to personal choice. If you want people to want to talk to you, skip the warm up suit or the baggy pants that hang below your rump. If you are uncertain, consider emulating a friend that you think is successful when it comes to networking. Dress for respect … it is better to overdress than to underdress.
- Make Eye Contact: When you’re networking or socializing at live functions, keep in mind that many people feel the same way you do. When you realize you’re all in the same boat, it makes it that much easier to cope and maybe even enjoy yourself. Look for opportunities to make eye contact. Once you make eye contact, smile or nod your head hello. Even if you don’t strike up a conversation, it will make it that much easier if you happen to meet the same person later in the evening. Remain open to opportunities to mingle, which leads me to …
- Keep Your Body Language Open: No one will approach you if you are standing alone in a corner with your arms crossed. Nor will they approach you if you are staring at the ground or have a big frown on your face. Remember, most people feel as uncomfortable with their conversational skills as you do. They aren’t going to strike up a conversation with someone that looks like they don’t want to talk. Rather, you should walk around the room with your arms down by your side and with a smile on your face. And not a big forced Cheshire Cat grin, but a natural “I’m enjoying myself and am happy to be here” smile. And be sure to make eye contact as you go.
- Be a Conversation Starter: People are hesitant to start conversations. Make a promise to yourself that at your next face-to-face social gathering you’ll get the conversation started. It’s pretty simple – start by asking people what they do for a living or what brings them to the particular event. If it’s a party or wedding, ask how they know the host or hostess. The conversation will get rolling from there. And be animated and enthusiastic when conversing … it will make the interaction more fun. No one wants to spend time talking to a person that gives one word, monotone responses.
- It’s Not About You: The people that are usually perceived as the best conversationalists are in fact the best at asking questions and listening. Make a conscious point to steer the conversation back to the other person. The person you’re talking to will think you’re the bomb and seek you out over-and-over again throughout the event.
- Stay Current to have Common Interests: After the initial introductions and the talk about the weather stops, you’ll need somewhere to go from there. If you stay up on common current events, it’ll be easier to keep the ball rolling. “Did you happen to see ‘I am Legend’ this past weekend? Oh really, what did you think?” “Do you watch football? Yes, well did you see that the Miami Dolphins finally won a game?” Now just because I’m from Florida doesn’t mean I follow the Dolphins. But I know by reading an honest-to-goodness, printed newspaper (daily) and watching a little bit of news what’s happening and therefore could talk about it.
As a society we’re becoming much more secluded. We have fewer close friends that we see face-to-face on a regular basis. Because of this we’re losing our knack for socializing and networking, and it’s harder for adults to make new friends than ever. We drive our cars into our garages, go into our houses and get on our computers to socialize on Facebook or MySpace. Many people don’t even know their next door neighbors.
But networking and face-to-face socializing is crucial to our success in life. I’m sure you’ve heard more than once, it’s not what you know, but who you know. Having the right contacts can make all the difference when it comes to finding a job, finding funding for a new business venture, finding a JV partner or even finding someone to fix your toilet.
So, make a point to get out there and meet real live people every chance you get. Not only will it help your business and your job prospects … but it’s even proven to help your mental outlook and your health.
HAPPY HOLIDAY to your and yours, and I hope that helped.
Until next week,
Julie McManus
Editor, In the ‘Net Trenches
THE TOTAL PACKAGE™
And Web Media Goddess
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Comment by Joe Lennon — December 21, 2007 @ 11:17 am
Great Article, thanks for the tips. I am also an introvert and that can really be an obstacle. One thing I have learned that has really helped me is to realize at a party (or other social gathering), no one wants to meet you, but nearly everyone wants to be meet. That realization has helped me go up to people and start conversations.
Comment by Maedell — December 22, 2007 @ 10:07 pm
Yes I am a introvert I am allergic to some scents worn by people.
Like the scent in Snuggles the lint dryer and others scents, a crowd I not able to be around. Help
Comment by R Murli Dhar — December 24, 2007 @ 4:32 am
My first boss taught me these tips when I was just 18 and got an invite to a diplomatic function hosted by the Ambassador of that country. Thanks to him, I can now walk into a room crowded with more than 200 people and also make an impromtu speech !
Merry Christmas to you, your affiliates, and those who look up your website. God Bless You all.
Murli, India