Posted by: Michael Masterson
March 10, 2009
Issue #626

The Case of the Disappearing Copywriter

I received an interesting letter last weekend.

The envelope was hand-addressed in blue ink. The letter itself was 12 pages long and printed on quality, cream-colored, individual sheets of paper. At the end of the letter was a signature, also in blue. I recognized it as the name of a copywriter I had once met at an AWAI seminar: Brice K.

So far, it looked like a personal letter. But, unlike a personal letter, it began with a headline, followed by a salutation that was both generic and plural: "Dear Friends."

Normally, I would have dismissed this letter as an amateurish effort and tossed it. But the headline, though misplaced, did its job. It intrigued me:

The Amazing True Story
of the Incredible Disappearing Copywriter
… and How You Are Helping Him to Reappear

As a rule, I abhor commonplace intensifiers like "amazing" and "incredible." But in this case, they worked. Perhaps it was the way they enhanced the sentiment of the headline’s promise - that I was about to hear an old-fashioned kind of story. (Everybody likes a good story.)

That certainly wasn’t the best headline ever written, but it was good - good enough to get me to read the first paragraph of the letter:

"My wife is ‘pist’ [sic] as we say in Dallas. You’ve probably been there. Ticked off your spouse or someone else close to you. Then wished you’d never done it."

Now that was intriguing too. What an odd combination of technical sophistication and clumsiness! Brice was clever enough to begin his letter without a transitional sentence linking the headline to the story he was going to tell. (Something like, "Hi. My name is Brice, and I used to be visible.") Instead, he puts the reader in the middle of an unexpected, emotionally charged situation. He forces the reader to relate to him ("You’ve probably been there. Ticked off your spouse …") - and, therefore, care about how he was going to get out of the proverbial doghouse.

I continued to read.

"It started with her brother. I can’t stand the guy (and, yes, I’ve got good reasons; just about everyone does). But my wife is one of those ‘blood is thicker’ and ‘oh, he had a horrible childhood’ types.

"So she forgives him.

"I don’t. And today I lit into him, telling him to stay out of my life and away from me. I think I finished it off with ‘… and you’re a waste of space.’

"I did this in front of my wife and other relatives. As you might guess, the rest of the afternoon was a bit tense."

I wondered whether Brice was aware of how this made him look. Did he realize that his behavior seemed selfish and rude and uncalled for? Did he understand that his reader was not sympathizing with him, but with his wife?

I wanted to find out, so I read on. But the anecdote that had pulled me in was quickly dropped and replaced with another one (a sophisticated copywriting trick). The second story concerned a copywriter that Brice had met back in 2003.

"Both [of us] were well-educated. One held a Master’s and Doctorate in Education. The other had degrees in Finance and Marketing and a Juris Doctor in Law. Both were men who had tried other things in life. One, an ordained Rabbi, had taught school, served as a principal, and owned a successful weight loss center … the other, who had once considered the seminary, had worked in newspaper, radio, and TV advertising … [and] became a trial lawyer."

This is a version of a classic Wall Street Journal lead. And the usual way this lead works is to have the hero of the story, the underdog, triumph over his stronger adversary. That’s what I expected. But that’s not how the story went:

"Each took a separate path. One became renowned and financially successful. The other, almost just a short blip on the radar. [I] flashed onto the scene and then, well, disappeared … I set out to become the next big thing in copywriting … But it didn’t happen for me …"

To my surprise, Brice - the hero of this story - turned out to be a modern, comic, Willy Loman type of fellow. Instead of discovering the secret of copywriting and achieving success, he flounders and eventually founders, while his colleague became "one of the copywriting masters of the universe."

That’s a good twist. Brice had been both a successful journalist and a winning trial lawyer - and those are excellent professions for understanding the art of copywriting. Yet he somehow failed. How was it possible that a schoolteacher had surpassed him? He gives us some insight into the mistakes he made …

"I started missing deadlines. In one case, I just abandoned the work and stopped answering the client’s e-mail. In another, I took so long putting the sales letter together … I blew the window of opportunity … I began to fall apart … Depression, which I had battled in the past, swept over me like a dark wave in the black of night. I stopped working. I literally stopped."

He had no idea why he couldn’t finish anything. Finally, he consulted a psychiatrist.

I read on to learn that the problem was "a monster" inside him, a psychological ogre that was eating up his soul and sabotaging his success. And that monster was bipolar disorder and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).

There is something disappointing about a monster that turns out to be as common as acne. Nevertheless, I kept reading.

"Then God threw me a rope … I knew what I was fighting … So I began a year long odyssey to find some mix of meds that would allow me to function normally … and I became the ‘disappearing copywriter’ as I went in search of a cure."

Convention would call for a denouement at this point, the discovery of an elixir that would reverse his bad fortune and bring him back into the copywriting world. Once again, Brice surprised me.

After getting a few good jobs, he got into a car accident, cracked his head, broke his pelvis and seven ribs. He dropped all his jobs once again - and then, seven months later, announced that he was back to work.

"Only the recovery dragged on … And the work got further and further behind … and my ribs still hurt … and I began to slip into the old pattern of not getting things done …"

And then, just when I was about to give up on our ne’er-do-well hero and throw his letter in the trash basket, he announced, "Something is working!" A combination of drugs, omega-3 fish oil, and "some other natural supplements" kicked into gear and he is now, "for the first time in years, focused and working [his] tail off."

Well, I didn’t feel too confident about that as a durable solution to his problem, but I was happy for him and eager to know his reason for telling me this long story. He obliged:

"I plan to quit my day job by June 15, at the latest … but before then I have to line up a stream of work … And no, this letter isn’t about sending me work … Although I probably wouldn’t refuse it … It’s more about telling you how you have helped me recover from my disappearance … This letter is going to a select group of people who’ve affected my copywriting career … Thanks … and a bit more …"

Then, "in no particular order," he listed 19 people in the direct-marketing industry who had helped him, and he mentioned what each had done to help.

He started with me:

"A few years ago I sent you a letter asking you to mentor me. You refused and chastised me for the lousy letter I wrote asking for your help. You were right to do that, and it was a kick in the butt that I now appreciate. (By the way, ETR remains must reading for me every day.)"

That did, indeed, sound familiar. I remembered that he had written to me shortly after meeting me at that AWAI seminar. He said he believed his career could be accelerated by having me help him. I couldn’t argue with that. But to persuade me to invest my time in him, he did not offer me anything in return.

This is the most common mistake made by those asking for help - any kind of help. Enveloped by their world of self-centered needs, they can’t focus on anything else.

Brice had made it clear, during our brief meeting at the seminar, that he intended to become a successful copywriter. So I took the time to answer his letter and try to explain to him why writing it about himself was a bad idea. I don’t remember the exact words I used, but my message to him was something like the following:

"I won’t be your mentor, but I will tell you the first and most important principle of persuasion.

"If you learn this well, you will have learned something very useful - not just in your chosen profession but in all aspects of your life. Understand this principle and you will understand half of human psychology. Master the skill that is associated with this principle and you will become a very persuasive person.

"It’s this: You will never be an effective copywriter, a successful businessperson, or an attractive and powerful human being if you continue to focus on yourself. The art of persuasion is ultimately the art of sympathy, not of self-pity.

"You can gain temporary favors by displaying your needs and asking for help, but when you do so you show yourself to be a beggar. The secret to happiness, power, and wealth lies in providing benefits to others, not in seeking them for yourself.

"Good salesmanship is not and never will be about you, your problems, your desires, or even about your products and/or services. If you want to have good, long-term relationships in your life (in business and personally), you have to focus on the other person and his wants, needs, and beliefs."

When I wrote that letter, I knew it would sting. I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, but sometimes you have to risk doing that to help them. In Brice’s case, I believed a bit of tough love could wake him up and turn him around. I believed that if he understood the simple truth of what I was telling him, he could eventually become what he wanted to be: a successful copywriter, a high income earner, and a smart and happy businessperson.

However Brice felt about my criticism when he got it, he seemed to have decided it was what he needed. That’s what I’d hoped for. And that’s what happened. At least partly.

His "Disappearing Copywriter" letter was 300 percent better than the first letter he wrote to me. He made some mistakes - like addressing it to "Dear Friends" and being unaware that he was coming across as a jerk in his first anecdote - but, it was technically sophisticated, emotionally engaging, well-paced, and cleanly written. It marked him as a copywriter with first-rate potential.

It was especially good at achieving its main purpose: evoking sympathy. It was textbook "feel sorry for me" copy, but not at a whining, easy-to-dismiss level. There was such a tone of genuine ruefulness in the letter, such a willingness to admit mistakes, and such earnestness in his promise to reform that I couldn’t help but commiserate with him.

But the letter was still just a little too much about him. Not only that, but the only benefit he was offering me was the good feeling I might get from helping someone in trouble move on to a better life.

This was a problem. A serious problem.

To become a true master of persuasion, you have to do more than tell engaging stories that satisfy the other person’s emotional needs. You have to provide useful benefits that will satisfy his mind.

To come up with benefits that would work for me and the other people he sent his letter to, Brice would have had to think long and hard. He would have had to come up with an offer that would be tempting enough to overcome all the skepticism he has created by having flaked out so many times in the past.

If he’d done that, he could have written a very strong, persuasive letter. As it was, he wrote a compelling letter that didn’t close the deal.

Until now, Brice has exhibited a self-destructive pattern: demonstrating need, seeking sympathy, receiving help, and then screwing things up. His "Disappearing Copywriter" letter is a clear indication that he has recognized this pattern and intends to change it.

But there’s something else he has to do before he can do that - something we’ve been talking about for a long time in ETR: He has to learn how to get his mind outside of himself and focus on helping other people. If he can’t do that, he won’t be able to achieve his stated goals. If he can do it, I think he could accomplish great things.

I don’t mean to imply that Brice isn’t a good man or that he doesn’t help his friends and family. The only thing I know about him comes from a brief meeting that I have pretty much forgotten and his two letters.

Based on those letters, I have come to a conclusion: that he is using his considerable intellectual and emotional skills to persuade everyone around him to focus on what is good for him. If he can stop doing that and begin, instead, to focus on other people’s needs, several things will happen:

• His copy will become even stronger than it already is.
• He won’t have to worry about disappointing anyone anymore, because he will be spending all his working time being super-productive.
• His psychological problems could disappear, which often happens when you stop thinking about yourself and pay attention to other people and their problems.
• That would be a great outcome for him.

Even though Brice’s letter did nothing to convince me that helping him would, in some way, help me … I still want to help him. And I think the best way for me to do that is to do the same thing I did the first time he wrote a letter asking me for help: point out what’s wrong with his letter.

But this time, instead of replying to his letter with a letter of my own, I’m doing it in the form of this essay. I know he will see it, because, as he said in his letter, he reads ETR every day.

Brice has already started his personal transformation, and I hope it will continue … perhaps as a result of reading this.

Contributed by Michael Masterson
Guest Contributor
THE TOTAL PACKAGE™

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19 Comments »

1. Comment by Lara — March 10, 2009 @ 11:45 am

   Terrific example MIchael - thank you! The art of persuasion is a valuable lesson we all can learn and use in every area of our lives from copywriting to relationships.

   Thanks again for the lesson - it was definitely what I needed to “hear” right now.

2. Comment by Beau Smith — March 10, 2009 @ 12:28 pm

   Michael,

   I read this in ETR a while ago. It’s definitely a lesson worth repeating. Both the things the did right and the things he did wrong.

   Thank you for reminding us.

   Beau Smith

3. Comment by Doug D'Anna — March 10, 2009 @ 12:53 pm

   Great post, Michael!

   Like you, I get similar sales letters from copywriters where the benefits are all about them. Their letters want either one of two things: (1) They want ME pay them to learn from me or (2) the want me send business their way.

   Here’s the thing: I do not know these people. They are strangers who are unwittingly sabotaging themselves before they get to first base!

   For example…

   ONE WRITES:

   “If you can refer just two $500 clients per week, this translates to $52,000 per year. If we share the proceeds on 50:50 basis, you have a cool $26,000 annually.”

   To be sure, asking for a referral is a wonderful sales technique. But you have to do something for the person before they refer you!

   Frankly, asking for me to send you my overflow business is the wrong way to begin a relationship. And that’s what were talking about here-beginning a relationship.

   ANOTHER EXAMPLE:

   Last year, I received another letter from a copywriter whom I did not know offering me a 34% commission on each assignment I would send his way.

   He writes…

   “So what do I get out of this, besides some assignments? I get to see more of how you’ve achieved your level of success in financial copywriting, get better at what I do, and possibly break in with the big financial direct mailers.”

   How do you think the president of Fed Ex would respond if the president of UPS made the same request for him to send his overflow business?

   I rest my case.

   STILL ANOTHER WRITES

   “I’m writing to ask you if you’d have a moment to take a look and
   give me your straight opinion for my marketing?

   Anyway, I’m not looking for anything but your straight opinion.
   I’d be grateful for any input you care to give.”

   THE PROBLEM…

   … again is what you point out in your article. He never said what was in it for me.

   These are just THREE of the dozens of requests I get each year from copywriters who want to break into the copywriting business and don’t know how to sell themselves.

   I sure you have received hundreds more.

   Tragically, they shoot themselves in the foot by assuming the benefit to me, as you put it so succinctly, “as the good feeling I might get from helping someone in trouble move on to a better life.”

   Michael, I am so glad you wrote this article because it spells out one of the biggest mistakes new copywriters make not only in trying to find a mentor but also to find new business as well.

   If you are looking for new business or someone to train under and are not getting the results you want–please read Michael’s letter over and over. In it you’ll find the seeds of success to get the business you desire.

   Thanks for the great post.

   The bottom line is this: Stop sabotaging yourself.

4. Comment by Greg Gunter — March 10, 2009 @ 1:31 pm

   Is there some way we can put this letter in front of every media rep in the country? If you’ve been in the traditional agency business (we can talk about how dumb that is in another post), you get a never-ending stream - no, a river -of media reps either cold-calling you or wanting to take you to lunch. And what’s on their minds? What you can do for them. I’ve started telling reps, “Unless you want to go to lunch because you have an advertiser you care about who needs a great agency to do more for them than your (TV station/radio station/newspaper) can do, just save your money and come to the table with competitive rates the next time we talk.” Care to guess how many of those lunches I’ve had to endure lately?

5. Comment by Garry — March 10, 2009 @ 1:50 pm

   You’ve really hit the nail on the head.

   The late Gary Halbert was / is a great hero of mine. I first got into writing about seven years ago and I remember the great man talking about “wannabe” copywriters.

   He said most people don’t want to write… they want to have WRITTEN. In other words they want to be the big name writer without putting in the hand miles first.

   A lot of people I come across want to be a clebrity copywriter rather than the person who makes money for the clients. This shows in their writing. They forget that their only goal should be helping the reader to solve their problems. The rest takes care of itself.

   Garry

6. Comment by David Raybould — March 10, 2009 @ 3:05 pm

   Great post Michael.

   I’m a keen ETR reader, good to see you posting here too.

   I could have done with a post like this stuck on my wall when I first started writing…

   I think we all fall into Brice’s traps at some point. Especially when we’re starting out lol

   David Raybould
   Direct Response Copywriter

7. Pingback by The Educated Plate: School Recess To An Important Part Of Our … By noreply@blogger.com (The Educated Plate) … other smaller studies have been done that have also linked reces= s with improved test scores as well as improved concentration and b — March 10, 2009 @ 4:39 pm

   [...] The Case of the Disappearing Copywriter | The Total Package By Michael Masterson And that monster was bipolar disorder and ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). There is something disappointing about a monster that turns out to be as common as acne. Nevertheless, I kept reading. "Then God threw me a rope ? … The Total Package - http://www.makepeacetotalpackage.com/ [...]

8. Comment by Susan Connors — March 10, 2009 @ 6:30 pm

   Hi there Michael

   Tough love - or otherwise known as honesty - can a double edged sword. I agree with what you did - a person has to be able to see outside themselves.

   Chaos or a crisis situation often forces a person to look outside themselves - exploding their lives and showing a reality they may not have seen before.

   This has happened to me on more than one occasion.

   Its about SERVICE, not whats in it for me.

   I have given up the assumption which makes an ass out of u and me (assume).

   I still stuff up and make mistakes and am learning every time I do.

   That’s one of the great parts of life in the living and being.

   Now my copy still needs technical work and I am getting better. My business is growing as I am helping others grow their business opportunities. In helping others with the knowledge I have, we are growing together.

   To me that is exciting - its what I love.

   If someone had said to me ten years ago I would be where I am now - I would have thrown a pillow at their head for lying. I couldn’t see it - my life is so much better than it was.

   The great part about my business is I love what I do. At times I get over excited and have to remember to stop and breathe. Being able to listen - really listen is so important.

   Anyways enough from me.

   Thanks for ETR and contributing here.

   Wishing you and everyone continued success,

   Susan Connors
   Australia

9. Pingback by How To Make Marketing Easy! » Blog Archive » How to use Chaos and Change to your advantage.. — March 10, 2009 @ 6:39 pm

   [...] The Case of the Disappearing Copywriter [...]

10. Comment by Tia Dobi — March 10, 2009 @ 6:53 pm

    Thanks for the terrific thoughts…as well I concur with the thinking of Doug D’Anna as posted here.

    Too, what’s been in front of me (when mentoring others whether it be students or clients or…) lately is not hearing the two best words in the English language (and no, no, it’s not my name).

    “Thank you.”

    This type of recompense has a nice ring to it that can be heard around the world (word of mouth yes?).

    Amazingly (because to me, it is), I’m hearing it less–not more–these days.

    For any endeavour we can remember and adopt this methodology is we’d like:

    Know the question is never “What was I thinking?” rather “What wasn’t I thinking?”

    Peace and profits,
    Tia D., Los Angeles

11. Comment by Seth Chong — March 10, 2009 @ 8:37 pm

    YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

    Will remember this lesson to heart.

12. Comment by Norm Jones — March 11, 2009 @ 12:36 am

    Michael– Another Masterpiece from Masterson. I absolutely love your essay for the same reason I love a great movie: It is imbued with TRUTH. I also needed to hear that– not that I’m a selfish guy, but because of the reminder NOT to become one and the recentering/refocusing effect it had on my mind.

    Norm Jones

13. Comment by Clyde McDade — March 11, 2009 @ 2:05 am

    Hello Mr. Masterson,

    Last year I wrote a promo for Katie Yeakle.
    I was so excited when she first gave it to me!

    Well the sucker bombed. In fact it never ran.
    I’ve never had a problem getting clients.
    I’m good at marketing myself.

    When I tried to get another shot, she told me not
    at this time.

    I wasn’t pleased at first.
    I hate to lose.

    For weeks I reread the promo trying to find
    where I went wrong. Something stuck out.
    At first I didn’t want to admit it, but two
    things happened to confirm it.

    First, I started reading Bencivenga’s Bullets.
    Bullet #29 opened my eyes. Somehow I had missed this in my damn writing!

    Second, I ordered your book “The Architecture of Persuasion.” I’m reading it now and I constantly shake my head on each page.

    It clearly shows where I went wrong.
    This was not my intention. Here’s my admission.
    I was more concerned about writing great copy
    than solving problems and helping others reach their goals.

    It’s embarrassing as hell to admit, but it was true.
    But not anymore.
    I’ve committed to reading your new book seven times.
    And my goal is to help others get what they want.

    This business isn’t about being a great copywriter.
    It’s about helping people. God knows, folks need help out there with health, wealth and everything else!

    Somehow I lost sight of that.
    I’m committed to learning the Core Emotional Complex
    and the art of Indirection.

    The current promo I’m working on will work!
    My client and their prospects will get what they want.
    Thanks again Mr. Masterson!

    P.S. Let me know when your next book comes out.

    Clyde McDade
    Financial Copywriter
    Accelerated Copywriting Services

14. Comment by Raymond Merz — March 11, 2009 @ 8:13 am

    Clyde,

    I’m not aware of Mr. Masterson’s book “Architecture of Persuasion.” Could you provide ISBN or other information?

    Thank you!

    -Ray

15. Comment by Susan Connors — March 11, 2009 @ 4:06 pm

    Hi everyone

    Thank you all for your thoughtful comments this day.

    I enjoy reading the comments as it gives me food for thought.

    As Tia suggested “Thank you” is a great way to show someone you appreciate what they do.

    Its like a smile costs next to nothing, a little energy and voice

    I like to thank people for a job well done - whether it is the person on the phone as a customer service operator or the garbage collector. Everyone does something that I can be grateful for and say thank you.

    Yes, even the annoying driver who does something silly By not doing what he did yesterday, I avoided a accident. So there is something to be useful in any situation.

    Thank you all and have a great day!

    Susan Connors
    Australia

16. Comment by Frank O'Leary — March 12, 2009 @ 1:05 am

    Mr. Masterson, that was a beaut’ of an essay ! Thanks for taking the time to put it together. I learned something.

    I think mere technical mastery of copywriting formulae won’t spur prospects to action. It will leave them cold, if they sense there’s no connection, no empathy.

    It’s NOT (just) about copywriting … making a buck in our profession … it’s about putting other people before oneself. That is, at its root, almost a religious objective. Do unto others …

    Isn’t there a link here, somewhere, to “finding your niche”? If you’re writing about something you love, and believe in, isn’t it so much easier to convey sincerity and credibility? To put the needs of the PROSPECT front and centre?

    I’m a newbie, and haven’t found my first client yet, but I know instinctively that in the long run I’ll have a more enjoyable and profitable career writing for clients in whose products / services I believe, and about which I’m naturally enthusiastic. The writing will flow, rather than be forced.

    Though I’m sure I’m mangling the quote badly, I recall reading somewhere, over the years, that “You can get everything you want in life, if you will FIRST help others get what THEY want.”

    Putting OTHERS first is the key.

    I think that’s a very good maxim for copywriters to keep in mind at all times. FIRST, help the prospect get what THEY want. THEN, put the client before yourself. (You may of course have to argue with your client about what his prospect REALLY wants … that’s the research end of the game, I s’pose!)

    I’m sure folks see how powerful this is. Put the prospect front and centre in your writing, and the response should be good. If the response is good, the client should be pleased.

    Think about your client’s customer FIRST. THEN think about your client. (Your client might not like that!)

    Think about yourself LAST.

    And — surprise, surprise! — you’ll come out ahead.

    (Sez I, who haven’t had my first client yet!)

    So what the Hell do I know?

    I’m speaking as a human being first, copywriter-wannabe second. I’ve got less than a year’s experience as a copywriter-student … but 56 years experience as a human being … and teacher, businessman, etc.

    It is better to give than to receive …

    Why better?

    The principle of abundance, rather than scarcity, I suppose.

    You could focus on giving, with the subconscious motive that in doing so you believe you’ll get back more than you give out.

    That’d be self-centred, though … wouldn’t it? Really?

    Or you could focus on giving simply because it makes you happier … regardless of your paycheque.

    But isn’t being HAPPIER one of the principle reasons for wanting to be a freelance copywriter in the first place?

    Being in control of our own lives? Not subject to a “boss”?

    Personally, I’d rather live on $25k p.a. and run my own life than make $50k p.a. but have to be some a**hole’s step’n'fetchit.

    Some of us DON’T have a burning ambition to earn the iconic 6-figure $100k + per year … busting our buns to do so. Some of us would be quite happy (ecstatic!) to earn $50k working half-time, taking it easy.

    But I don’t think you can’t achieve either level if you’re not in tune with — love — what you’re doing!

    If you’re doing it only for the money, you’re doing it for the wrong reason.

17. Comment by Clyde McDade — March 13, 2009 @ 1:00 am

    Hello Ray,

    You can call AWAI at 866-879-2924. They’ll take care of your order there!

    Gratefully,

    Clyde

18. Comment by Kevin Lam — March 18, 2009 @ 11:07 am

    I’ve been quite busy all week, but I saved the email to your article just to read it today. In fact, I had to search for your name to read this since the link no longer worked. I’m glad I took the time and effort to look for it because this in itself has helped me improve my own copywriting skills. Thanks, Michael!

19. Comment by Shane Arthur — October 1, 2009 @ 9:45 am

    Brice needed exactly what you gave him Michael. Something tells me, though, that he’ll always be “me-centric”